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Frankie Crisp
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On 5/22/2021 at 7:37 PM, chokeout said:

Army of the dead. 

Dogshit. 

For the final few holding on to the notion that Snyder is a genius who has been hamstrung by studio interference, here's a film written, produced and directed by him and once again he proves he can't pace a film but can do a decent 3 min music video at the start for the titles. 

Agreed 100%.

The pacing is absolutely abysmal. He introduces an arbitrary sense of peril by bringing a countdown timer forward a day (because zombies aren't scary enough, obviously), and then no one acts with any kind of renewed urgency whatsoever. We're told that Big Dave has nine minutes to accomplish something, but it doesn't stop him from having a long chat rather than just getting in the fucking helicopter and leaving. You can explain on the way, Dave!

The zombie tiger scene is awful, the characters are all one-note clichés, and nothing really feels like it matters. The villain's motivation is some back of a fag packet writing that doesn't add up at all.

The best part of the entire film is that three minute music video. It has a better narrative than the actual movie. The worst part is that, by having the bulk of the story set after the "Zombie Apocalypse", and after all the central characters have already met and been through the whole zombie thing, is that Snyder clearly thinks that counts as character-building. He acts as if the characters have a history that we should be invested in, and we just don't know them at all. There are at least two scenes where Batista and his daughter just flat out explain their relationship, at length, rather than trusting the audience to just figure out a very simple dynamic. Because telling the audience there's drama is the same thing as there actually being drama, right?

I audibly sighed when I saw the 2.5 hour run time when we started watching it. Maybe there's a good 90 minute movie in there somewhere. Or at least a 90 minute movie that I'd be more forgiving of. Also, it just didn't know how to fucking end. One scene that should have been left implied was drawn out at excruciating pace, and what should have been at most a minute long stinger or mid-credits scene just seemed to drag and drag. 

That we're getting at least two prequels and probably a sequel to this already is madness.

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A 90 minute heist movie set in Vegas during the initial outbreak of a zombie apocalypse would probably have worked quite well. But as always Snyder goes for the longest, dullest and most dreary option.

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I quite enjoyed parts of it but I can't disagree with any of the criticisms. I thought the cast were a lot of fun and seeing Big Dave headline a film as big as this is always a treat. If one of the prequels / sequels gets handed off to someone else, that's when we might see this sort of premise worked through better.

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2 hours ago, LaGoosh said:

A 90 minute heist movie set in Vegas during the initial outbreak of a zombie apocalypse would probably have worked quite well. But as always Snyder goes for the longest, dullest and most dreary option.

The Vegas aspect was probably the most disappointing part of the whole thing - it's a great potential setting for a zombie movie, and by rights should have practically been a character in its own right. The opening sequence featured zombie Elvis impersonators and showgirls, and was full of colour and fun, the actual film was just generic post-apocalypse city, where the casinos and hotels may as well have been any non-descript tower block. It feels like the only reason they used Vegas was to justify there being a tiger, and to have it plausibly near to Area 51.

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Posted (edited)

I'm not one for ripping plots to pieces but the more i think about it the less sense the whole film makes (spoilers ahead)

Spoiler

 

They need to go in to do a heist....although they don't. Its just a ploy so they can get get a zombie head......which they get right by the entrance....literally right by where they started with minimal input from the team. They could have paid them to just do that and be in and out in 10 minutes

They arent allowed to fly in...because reasons

The whole of the finale is based around his daughter being a dumbass and trying to save her friend.....but because of reshoots we can only assume she dies in the helicopter crash at the end because there's zero mention of her.

They have to break into a safe and avoid traps despite being hired by the guy who owns the safe who could just tell them the code

They hire a guy because he's good at trickshots. He does no trickshots

Zombie leader can't be stopped because he has a little metal hat which stops bullets. When he removes the hat they decide not to try and shoot him any more

Zack Snyder throws shit at a wall so he can talk about it coming in the sequel / directors cut‚ĄĘ

  • Huge pile of zombies that come to life when it rains....which never happens
  • Robot zombies
  • potentially aliens?
  • A guy carrying a huge buzzsaw which is never used,¬†The Snyder equivalent¬†of Itchy and Scratchy going to the fireworks factory

 

 

 

Edited by chokeout
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4 minutes ago, chokeout said:

I'm not one for ripping plots to pieces but the more i think about it the less sense the whole film makes (spoilers ahead)

  Hide contents

 

They need to go in to do a heist....although they don't. Its just a ploy so they can get get a zombie head......which they get right by the entrance....literally right by where they started with minimal input from the team. They could have paid them to just do that and be in and out in 10 minutes

They arent allowed to fly in...because reasons

The whole of the finale is based around his daughter being a dumbass and trying to save her friend.....but because of reshoots we can only assume she dies in the helicopter crash at the end because there's zero mention of her.

They have to break into a safe and avoid traps despite being hired by the guy who owns the safe who could just tell them the code

They hire a guy because he's good at trickshots. He does no trickshots

Zombie leader can't be stopped because he has a little metal hat which stops bullets. When he removes the hat they decide not to try and shoot him any more

Zack Snyder throws shit at a wall so he can talk about it coming in the sequel / directors cut‚ĄĘ

  • Huge pile of zombies that come to life when it rains....which never happens
  • Robot zombies
  • potentially aliens?
  • A guy carrying a huge buzzsaw which is never used,¬†The Snyder equivalent¬†of Itchy and Scratchy going to the fireworks factory

 

 

 

All of this. Furthermore;

Spoiler
  • The villain's henchman turning on the others to leave them there to die, because the zombie head "is more valuable than the money". Great, but surely what's even¬†more¬†valuable is the zombie head¬†and¬†an extra five million dollars? And maybe¬†not¬†pissing off the only people that might be able to help you get out alive in the first place? He basically turns on them because that's what villains in this sort of movie do, not because there's any logical motivation.¬†
     
  • The woman they went back to save not even getting a mention after the helicopter crash was¬†hilarious.¬†It's one thing to have an ending that basically resolves nothing, because sometimes that's how you end a zombie movie - the zombies win. It would also be fine if there were some intentional ambiguity. But this was neither - it was an entire plot point being needlessly jettisoned because it had served its purpose of getting Batista and his daughter in the same place, and added needless faux-tension from a literal ticking countdown clock. Not that we were ever given any reason to care about that woman's safety in the first place, given that we spent no time with her and no character was established beyond "has kids", but at least pretend we were meant to be invested in whether they got her out or not.
     
  • They establish that multiple characters in their crew had never killed a zombie before, which other than one bit of bad comedy from the safe-cracker, proves to be an utterly pointless bit of detail as they're all perfectly adept at shooting them in the head and knifing them without a second's thought, all expert marksmen to a man. God forbid they use that point to instil¬†any actual drama in this thing.
     
  • The little bits of political "satire" - mostly early on, but also the quote from the President that setting off a nuclear bomb would be "really cool" - was shit and heavy-handed, even by the standards of both zombie movies¬†and¬†Zack Snyder.
     
  • There's a point where Cruz does this whole impassioned "it wasn't about the money, it was about¬†you" speech to Batista's character and it's just completely unearned. They've barely interacted in any meaningful sense through the whole movie, but suddenly we're expected to care about their relationship and think that it's really significant? Show don't tell, Zack.
     
  • The bit where the tiger kills the villain was ridiculous overkill. I get that it's going to be narratively satisfying to have that happen - it's the T-Rex inadvertently saving the day in Jurassic Park, you have the iconic (or that's what they're hoping) creature kill the baddy, because the audience are going to¬†love¬†the zombie tiger. I'm sure it tested well with focus groups. But what that sort of scene needs is the villain realising the creature is there, turning around, getting pounced out, cut to black. Instead we get a prolonged sequence of the zombie tiger having magic superhuman strength that sends the bloke flying across the room at the slightest touch, and which just fucking¬†drags.
     
  • Speaking of dragging - we saw Batista get bitten by a zombie. We know what happens next. But no, we have to have¬†another¬†heart-to-heart between him and his daughter to¬†explain¬†what's happening just in case you missed it. A scene that just would. Not. End. Same goes for the other guy somehow managing to get out of the locked vault and escape the city, make it all the way to the nearest airport, and have travelled the better part of¬†four hours¬†to Mexico City before he starts turning into a zombie. That could have - and should have - been a thirty second to a minute stinger scene, and it felt like it just kept going. And, to make it worse, the start of it was set to fucking Zombie by The Cranberries. Such an inane, tone-deaf song choice.¬†
     
  • I was absolutely convinced that the "desiccated zombies come back to life when it rains" thing would play out in the third act; a sprinkler system would be set off or something, and suddenly there'd be more zombies than they'd reckoned with. But no, it was fucking meaningless. Every attempt at world-building went nowhere, and it's depressing that you're probably right that it was just there to pad out the sequels.
     
  • Snyder clearly thought he was really clever calling the safe¬†G√∂tterd√§mmerung. Really smart reference, that. So smart that he also made sure to have the safe-designer's name be "Wagner", have the safe-cracker explain the reference and what it meant, have him then talk about "death or rebirth" when the safe finally opened, and have Siegfried's Funeral March playing when it's opened. Because what's the point of being smart if you can't hammer it over everyone's head so that they¬†know¬†how smart you are? The Ready Player One approach to references.

 

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Zack Snyder: rent free in all of your heads :)

Rewatched Pulp Fiction last week and it was the first time I ever noticed just how bad Tarantino's acting is. It completely took me out this time around. 

Also: Why are those lads eating burgers at 7am? Does Big Kahuna not have a breakfast menu?

What kind of party is Winston Wolf at, at 8am in full tux?

Also watched The Running Man again. Still 11/10 and I'm incredibly surprised they have never remade it.

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12 minutes ago, SuperBacon said:

Also: Why are those lads eating burgers at 7am? Does Big Kahuna not have a breakfast menu?

Genuinely inspired me to start having my Double Sausage and Egg on a cheeseburger bun instead of a muffin in Maccies. You can also order a Sprite instead of a hot drink, no one tell’s you this when you’re learning adulting.

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37 minutes ago, SuperBacon said:

 

Also watched The Running Man again. Still 11/10 and I'm incredibly surprised they have never remade it.

I also watched this again last week. You can never tire of watching classic Arnie movies.  My only gripe with The Running Man was they could've gave Jesse more screen time.

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3 hours ago, SuperBacon said:

Also watched The Running Man again. Still 11/10 and I'm incredibly surprised they have never remade it.

I may have dreamed this but I'm sure I heard Edgar Wright might be doing a remake. 

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Second-Hand Hearts

After watching the Hal Ashby documentary 'Hal' the other night, I decided to give this one a shot. 

I love Ashby's films, with The Last Detail, Harold and Maude, Coming Home and Being There being among some of my favourite films from the 1970s. 

I'd always heart his 80s stuff was hit and miss or downright terrible, but went into this with an open mind because I liked the premise and have a thing for relatively obscure stuff from this era.

Sadly, It's not very good at all Tonally all over the place, oddly paced and with two really poor performances from Robert Blake and Barbara Harris. 

There's some good stuff in there, including a soundtrack by Willis Alan Ramsey (who only ever made one album, which was critically acclaimed, before basically giving up music), but not enough to make it worthwhile. 

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Posted (edited)

First Cow is now streaming on MUBI - I’ve not seen it but I’ve heard it’s great, so really looking forward to checking it out. EDIT apparently First Cow is a MUBI release in cinemas! Not on MUBI streaming
 

One film I have seen - One Cut of the Dead - is being shown tomorrow night on Film4 without adverts! It’s a really fun little film, get involved! 

Edited by waters44
Talking shite
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