Devon Malcolm

They did buy all midfielders this summer and all forwards last summer, from what I can see on Transfermarkt though?

Was I right in reading that United's recruitment plan for the last couple of summers was to recruit all attackers last year, all midfielders this year, and defenders next? What kind of strategy is that? Surely you recruit in the areas you most need it? What a stupid, hilarious football club.

Maybe he'll do a reverse David Byas and sign for Yorkshire out of spite.

Liverpool were great fun last night. Walked around for half an hour, woke up, scored 4 goals and played incredible football, and then nearly pissed two points away at the end. Ngumoha's performance was early Ryan Giggs level, he was unplayable. Nyoni also looks really good. They're must see at the moment.

He's done alright though, considering? Losing all those players and having to cobble together a team. Today might have been awful but they're doing a fair bit better than I expected after that team was broken up and McInnes left.

I'd like the Chicago Bears to stop conceding a thousand penalties a game now, thanks. Fucking hell.

Yeah, this ban will have absolutely no effect. No American porn studio or site is going to start changing its content policy because the UK's on one about porn again, and none of them are making 'proper' incest content anyway. Starting a VPN company is increasingly becoming a licence to print money.

I've never said it out loud before. I'll let you all know when I've made a decision.

Packets of wipes where you always get one at a time and not 17 more than you required.

I think the A Hat in Time soundtrack is the best original soundtrack I've ever heard in a game, but this one especially is awesome (it's also one of my favourite levels):-

Forgotten Island Well this was fantastic. Probably Dreamworks' best animated film to date. Same co-director as The Croods 2 and Puss in Boots, and I love both of those but this was even better. Same absolutely mental pace but never tiring with it. Funny and emotional without being obnoxious about it, and the voice work is spot on. Dave Franco as a were-dog the unexpected highlight. The Never Tear Us Apart montage scene is an instant classic. Delighted to have dragged myself away from Mario Wonder to see it. Pressure The WWII meteorology film is good, no really! No big surprises here but well acted by all (even Brendan Fraser, who I've never got outside The Mummy films) and destined to be a dad film classic. I was the only one in so even better. Spider Island There was a time when Christopher Smith was on course to become one of the best horror directors in the world (remember when I used to bully you all into watching Triangle) - but that time has long since passed. Takes a lot for me to not enjoy a monster movie like this but it's just not good. You do get to see Tim McInnerny lick a toad but just watch Sting or Infested instead. Evil Dead Burn I suppose it was only a matter of time before this franchise tackled TRAUMA. The previous one wasn't very good, this is quite shit. Just tiresome brutality with no break and an amazingly stupid post-credits scene. Stop making these now. Handsome Guys Korean loose remake of Tucker & Dale vs. Evil. Just as funny, even stupider. Loses marks for no Katrina Bowden, gets them back with Gong Seung-yeon. Really enjoyed this. Queens of the Dead Disappointed in this. Directed by George Romero's daughter but doesn't contain anywhere near enough horror or danger. Katy O'Brien and Jack Haven (<3) are ace but just watch Slay instead if you want a good drag queen horror-comedy. Slugs Superbly disgusting horror film about a mutant slug invasion of an American town. Some awesome practical effects in this. Reminded me of The Blob (remake) in all good ways. What a great double-bill that would be. The Devil Rides Out One of Hammer's best. Christopher Lee as a good guy for once, some lovely cheesy effects, never stops being a great time. One of the best folk horrors. Maniac Cop / Maniac Cop 2 William Lustig and Larry Cohen was a match made in B-movie heaven. Both these are still great, especially the first one. I'm conflicted on Matt Cordell killing all these cops while also being a cop, though. We never did get the Refn remake, did we. Thank fuck. The Exorcist III This is so fucking good. Deserves to be regarded as a classic in its own right rather than as 'the good Exorcist sequel'. Can confirm *that* scene is still one of the scariest ever created. Haunted School Awesome Japanese kids horror film about some kids trapped in, well, a haunted school. Lovely effects, always quite mental, surprised it was never remade in America. If you can find it you won't regret it.

Good! I don't need another football game murdering my productivity.

RIPete now resorting to pre-emptive strikes.

Oh yeah, I bought a Switch 2! My brother kept telling me to wait until Black Friday like they're going to be flogging them at 50% off or something. But I saw the Mario Kart World package on Amazon for £414 so I went for it. Been playing Mario Wonder on it. I've said it before but there's nothing quite like a Mario game, just an awesome game with such a variety of levels, items and ideas. The sound is incredible and I don't normally notice that kind of thing. I want to get Mario Kart 8 before I play Mario Kart World though so that might be my next purchase.

Beth Phoenix entered it in 2010. She kiss eliminated The Great Khali.

My experience with this is:- Cineworld - 30 mins The Light - 20 mins Vue - 25 mins Odeon - 25 to 30 mins HOME (Manchester) - 22 mins Everyman - 25 mins

Glow in the dark seat and row numbers / letters in cinemas so people rolling in late don't blind me with their fucking phone torches looking for where they're sitting.

Making fun of speech impediments, is it. What a fucking prick. I thought we left this John Cena-level insult rap shit way behind us in wrestling.

League goals this season:- Kyle Wootton (Stockport County) - 7 Tottenham Hotspur - 3

Hope Korea has had an issue for many years with its genre films being far longer than they need to be. So when I saw this was 160 minutes long I didn't think I'd bother with it. But in the absence of having anything else to do I went to see it - and it's a fucking blast. Just a great time. Almost never stops for the entire running time, is very funny at times, and the action is fantastic. I didn't care for the very ending but the car chase before that was one of the best for many years. One of the best times I've had at the cinema all year. Bad Apples Not bad. It's probably trying to say one or two too many things at once and isn't quite as funny as the setup could have led it to be but it's smart enough and really well acted. Saiorse Ronan wonderful as ever. Extra Geography Sounding the @SuperBacon klaxon for this one. A brilliantly written and performed school comedy-drama about the messiness of teen friendships and unrequited crushes. Circumvents the usual clichés and keeps the courage of its convictions to the end. One of the best films of the year. And one for the Amazing Names thread - one of the leads' shoot name is Galaxie Clear! Daddy's Head One of the worst titles for a film imaginable, but the film itself is alright. A decent mix of folk horror and haunted house horror, a nice shortage of jump scares and a decent ending. Colony The director of Train to Busan goes back to what he knows with another zombie film, this one with a weird twist where they behave like a colony of ants. Makes no sense at times but it's a really decent zombie film even if the last shot is bullshit. I enjoyed it. Missing Child Videotape Superb Japanese horror film - a mix of folk horror and found footage, slow-moving for the most part but consistently creepy and well acted. Seems to be quite difficult to find (I saw it on ok.ru, I think) but worth it. Slay Really fun horror-comedy about a group of drag queens trapped with rednecks in a bar besieged by vampires. Occasionally a bit too meta for its own good but funny and the four co-leads are really good. A rare Tubi original worth seeing. Night of the Comet I do love a post-apocalyptic film and this one is loads of fun. Unfortunately it did apparently inspire Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but I still really enjoyed it anyway. I also watched all the Friday the 13th films in the last couple of days (aside from the remake, I'm not a monster), a series that's only good when it's being daft. Jason Takes Manhattan still the king.