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Frankie Crisp

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Frankie Crisp last won the day on January 16

Frankie Crisp had the most liked content!

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About Frankie Crisp

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    The biggest fool that ever hit the big time
  • Birthday 02/16/1979

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  1. UKFF Awards 2017: THE WINNERS!

    Pat not getting the white noise gong is the biggest swerve of all time. I’m cancelling my subscription.
  2. Embarrassing Social Situations

    First day of a new job, 12 years ago. The back story is that in the interview a few weeks earlier, I was given what I thought was a hypothetical question regarding some issue over the time it was taking to convert a few thousand lines of data every week, rather than having some poor sod sit there and manually do it over the course of a couple of days. I gave them my thoughts and said I could probably knock something together to do it using a simple macro so it’d instead take a couple of minutes each week. Unbeknownst to me, they had this exact problem in the office which led to a young girl, Lou, either biting people’s heads off or crying in the toilets every Monday and Tuesday, as it was critical for one of their clients to get the data in the correct format without fail. Fast-forward to my first day and after the usual bollocks of paperwork, shaking a load of hands and sorting my PC out, one the other managers asked me for some time to see if I could lend a hand. This manager was looking after another client so was asking a favour rather than instructing me, but being the first day I wanted to make a good impression on everyone. He introduced me to Lou, who was looking like she was about to stab someone. He said that the girl who interviewed me relayed my response to the question and asked if I was talking crap or if there was genuinely something I could do. Lou was a very, very pretty girl and thanks to my first-day nerves and general inability to have a conversation with females without hyperventilating, I asked her to just send me the spreadsheet, as she received it and as it needed to be. Back at my desk, I started to think it was a piss-take as it was such a simple thing to do using a little Access database. But after asking a couple of my own team, they said this had gone on for months, nobody could speak to Lou for two days a week and that particular team (and the business as a whole, it turned out) were technological dunces. So, I cracked on, built the solution, tested it a few times then called Lou over and showed her how to use it. She honestly couldn’t get over it, asked me to show her again so she knew it wasn’t a fluke and after she checked the resultant output file to check it was accurate, she came back over and actually hugged me. Like, a proper, big, you’ve just lost a loved-one in a multi-car pile-up kind of hug. I was very embarrassed as the entire office had clocked it so I felt a bit of a tit and was going bright red. As Lou’s walking back to her desk, one of the two owners of the business walked in and muttered something along the lines of ‘bloody hell, Lou, you’re smiling on a Monday, are you drunk?’. She told him what I’d done and that she couldn’t believe this ongoing weekly nightmare had been sorted. He was a decent fella and pretty hands-on, so came over to me and asked me to show him. I did, and he was made up saying it was clearly a good appointment and he looked forward to seeing what other changes I could bring in for my own client. Again, the entire office was witnessing this so I started to get embarrassed. He was stood over me during this exchange whilst I was still sat in my seat. As he started to walk away going directly in front of me, he raised his arm with his flat palm facing me. This was to get the attention of his business partner, who’d just walked in the office through a door on the other side of the office, but behind me. He was calling him over so I could show him the solution. But I didn’t know that. I didn’t know the other bloke had walked in. I didn’t even know there was a door on that side of the office. I thought the bloke wanted me to high five him. Before my brain could point out how weird that would be, I rose out of my seat and connected sweetly. The silence in the office was deafening. I worked there for 18 months and go called Borat every fucking day.
  3. General Adnan's Football 17/18

    Robertson's a full-back.
  4. General Adnan's Football 17/18

  5. Agatha Christie's Paige discussion.

    Sad stuff if it's the case. Regardless of the out-of-ring stuff none of us need to know about, she's had it rough and this is a torturous way for her in-ring career to end. No doubt she'll walk into any other aspect of the business, but right now this must be crushing for her if she can't get in the ring again. Retired at 25. Christ.
  6. Royal Rumble 2018 Discussion [& stats]

  7. Royal Rumble 2018 Discussion [& stats]

    Rick Flaw. Sorry.
  8. Royal Rumble 2018 Discussion [& stats]

    There's only three of us in the office today so I'll need to find a reason for not speaking to anyone for the rest of the afternoon. Top work as always, @tiger_rick. Also, would Test not qualify for the 'never made it' list, after being jumped backstage and replaced by Foley in 2004? Or is it just people who came out before getting duffed up?
  9. General Adnan's Football 17/18

    My first ever Palace game in person. I'd stupidly and stubbornly chosen to support them in 1986 (whole different story), but at the time they were in the second division so there was no chance of seeing them in person unless they drew one of the Merseyside clubs in a cup. We gained promotion in the 88/89 season via the Play-offs and on the day that happened, my old man promised me he'd take me to see them play Everton or Liverpool the following season, whichever was first in the fixtures. He was praying for Everton as he's a staunch Blue, but we couldn't afford both matches so it was pot luck which it'd be as I wanted to see them as soon as possible. Roll forward a few months and he'd managed to get us two tickets for Anfield for my first ever game. I was beyond excited. I'd had three years of abuse and kickings in school, but I wouldn't change my mind and couldn't wait to see my heroes in person, as back them football was nowhere near as accessible as it is now so these were like gods to me. It was bordering on impossible to get tickets with the away fans so Dad got my Uncle Bernie to sort us out with tickets for the Kop. This was when it was still all standing and very raucous; he was almost as nervous as me, seeing his little lad full of excitement and he hoped we'd somehow nick a goal against the mighty Liverpool. All he told me was that despite our accents being local, under no circumstances could I risk people finding out I was a Palace fan so I shouldn't react to any goals we may score. We got beat 9-0 and I cried all the way home.
  10. 2018 is bloody lovely

    Think it’s more about 3 since you bought that, as he only started flogging his gear about 8 months after moving there. Still mental that it was so long ago when a drenched Sam and I turned up at yours with it!
  11. 2018 is bloody lovely

    So, I’ve mentioned in a couple of threads that things haven’t been the best as of late, from a mental health and well-being point of view. Struggled loads and been getting inside my own head and making it ten times worse. But one of my best mates and the nicest bloke I know fucked off to Texas nearly four years ago after meeting a girl, who’s now his wife. We were so happy for him yet gutted that we’d be unlikely to see him for a long, long time. We’ve Skyped and whatnot to keep in touch over the years, but I’ve missed the bugger so much. He was in a bad way before he met her so we’re so glad he’s now got everything he ever wished for. He and his new family came back for a couple of weeks and whilst we’ve seen each other a fair bit during that time, last night was a big do for his little girl’s first birthday and for everyone to meet his new family. Me, him and his younger brother danced our arses off to Springsteen, we had the most fantastic chats, laughed like never before and ended up out in town until the early hours with a great little group. After the last few months, I honestly cannot stop smiling at having such a fantastic night with my mate, his family and friends and I’m feeling much more positive after seeing how happy someone can be after having a bad time themselves. Mates, when they’re as good as this one, are amazing when it comes to feeling better about life. I'm going to be a mess when he goes back on Tuesday, but last night's going to keep me smiling for a bloody long time.
  12. Peadophile Hunters

    All we need now is for Gatso to stop by to spearhead an anti-rape campaign.
  13. General Adnan's Football 17/18

    Yeah, that was my exact first thought but it's supposedly more than that. Leave it to the young ones to educate us.
  14. General Adnan's Football 17/18

    Liverpool’s week keeps getting better: after Coutinho getting off and Flanagan assaulting his girlfriend, Nathaniel Clyne has been bubbled taking drugs at a party (some balloon thing, I don’t know, I’m 86). The photo knocking about isn’t the clearest but it’s supposedly been confirmed as him and that he wasn’t preparing anything for a kids’ party. The daft bastard is likely to be booted out of the club.
  15. General Adnan's Football 17/18

    Coutinho to Barcelona is a done deal, according to Paul Joyce of The Times. £142m, travelling there tonight and likely to be announced by tomorrow at the latest.