Supremo

Klara and the Sun Crazy to think this is the film critics are giving Taika Waititi pelters over, in turn causing him to throw a strop online. I thought it was fine. Nothing amazing, but a perfectly acceptable way to spend a couple of hours if you’ve got a day off and an Odeon Limitless card. Jenna Ortega and Amy Adams are good in it, it’s shot nicely, has a good soundtrack, and I even found myself getting choked up over A.I. at one point! Streets are saying it fails to capture the atmosphere and tone of the book, becoming much more cloying and twee, but I haven’t read the book and evidently can enjoy broader, more excessive storytelling (who could have guessed, being a pro-wrestling fan!). Three stars.

He’s second only to Triple H in terms of men who owe their careers to Mick Foley. Watching all the, “In Your House,” events back last year confirmed it. There’s so much dross for so fucking long. Endless casket matches with his shitarse mates, where more effort was put into their game of dominoes backstage than actually entertaining the paying audience. But then Mick Foley dives into his career (literally, from the apron to the floor!) and it completely revitalises him. It’s like both the performer and the character suddenly awake from a stupor. Whether you want to judge it on matches, performance, character or story, the leap between his 1995 and 1997 is positively insane and I attribute almost all of that to Mick Foley. I’d argue 1997 is his best year. He never had a better match than the Hell in a Cell with Shawn. He never had a better storyline than Paul Bearer bringing in Kane. There’s no denying he’s got some incredible matches in his archives, especially that Hell in a Cell with Shawn, which is still probably top ten matches of all time. However, his overall Good to Shit Ratio has got to be somewhere around 20:80. For every Batista match at Wrestlemania 23 there are endless DUDs that left you cold. I’ll always consider paying £15 to watch a pay per view headlined by Taker vs. The Dudleys in a Concrete Crypt Match as one of the lowest points of my fandom. Maybe one of the lowest points of my life. In trying to articulate why I have more time for Taker’s character than I do any of the other spooky knobheads, I think it’s because it was rooted in that cartoon 1980s world and then grew and adapted from there. It’s easier to accept something so silly when it was born at a time when everything was just as daft. I’m convinced that’s the blind spot your Bray Wyatts and Malakai Blacks never understood. It only works because of legacy and tenure, where you accept the way something is because it’s always been that way. Without that, you’re just a cosplay loser rocking up out of nowhere, talking in riddles and switching the lights off and on again. Grow up. The ultimate irony is that Taker spent decades upholding kayfabe to protect the character, only for it to become apparent that refusing interviews and never dropping the act actually protected everyone else from discovering what a dickhead he was in real life. He’s got to be up there in terms of who’s done the most to tarnish their legacy in the post-kayfabe world. An absolute loser of a man, with the worst T-shirt selection of all time. All the Wrestlers Court stuff. All the fake hard man stuff. Complaining that the locker room has too many Nintendo Switches in it nowadays, and it was better when people were carrying guns and knives. Fuck’s sake. Even the WWE-produced documentary made him out to be a sad old prick who couldn’t let it go. He’d shit the bed one Wrestlemania, insisting on coming back the next year to cancel it out. Then he’d have a good showing, insist he still had it, but then come back and shit the bed again. Rinse and repeat. The only thing that stopped him was Covid shutting the World down, allowing them to shoot such a great episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer that even he accepted it could never be topped. Had he had a normal singles match with AJ Styles, we’d probably all still be stuck in that endless cycle! When I think back on his legacy, I always come back to this (3 minutes in). Just watch and listen to that reaction when DDP rips off the mask. This was magic. This was money. Even without the big stars, The Invasion still had the potential to actually work! Fast forward a couple of weeks to Summerslam and Taker and Kane are treating DDP and Kanyon like jobbers (stiffing them so badly even Perry Saturn would tell them to lighten up) and the whole thing is in the bin. I know it was a company-wide approach and it probably wouldn’t have worked anyway, but Taker was easily the biggest offender. Was such a mark for the idea that they were still the opposition that he killed what could have been the biggest angle of all time. I think that’s my lasting impression. For a man who considered himself a locker room leader he may have been the biggest mark of them all. It’s a work, Mark. It’s not real. You own WCW, now. You don’t have to give Kanyon a concussion. You aren’t a real hard man. You wouldn’t have won the UFC Heavyweight Title. You wore tights and eyeliner for a living, mate. Own it.

The Republicans get trounced in the mid-terms and WWE immediately book their Muslim WWE Champion to lose clean and get massively patronised in a Muslim country, and then pencil in a USA vs. Mexico Survivor Series match. They’re lucky WWE definitely isn’t a MAGA company and Triple H definitely doesn’t see colour. Otherwise I’d be suspicious. We live in a world where Dana White is being teased as the next White House press secretary. Wouldn’t shock me at all if they get Trump to agree that the winner of the USA vs. Mexico Survivor Series match gets the Gulf of Mexico.

I blame The Undertaker for all the dreadful spooky gimmicks that we’ve had to endure in the years since he retired. That alone counteracts even the best matches he had.

Nick Wayne winmaxxing on the, “Nick Wayne Mogs Chris Jericho at Sea,” cruise, even setting off the boat’s horn rather than his usual pyro. I can’t say enough good things about this gimmick. Complete home run. Crazy how quickly he’s gone from doing fuck all in ROH to becoming one of my favourite acts in the business. No wonder they trounced NXT in the Wednesday Night Wars. Did you not hear the news? Nick Wayne BEAT John Cena, CM Punk and Cody Rhodes. Spam some W’s in the chat.

He’s a political genius, Big Rome. Top heel, getting to beat everyone clean, but then chucking them a tokenistic hair ruffle to pretend he’s somehow still putting them over. Seth got the Shield Fist. Sami got the Samoan approval. Maybe he can give Penta a big bag of Roman candles after he inevitably beats him clean when he cashes in. Cut to Wrestlemania next year. “I could lose to Oba Femi clean, but do you know what would really make him the next big star? If I give him a big thumbs up after I beat him.” It was your typical Skippable Saudi Shitshow. Whole thing felt somehow even more grim for it being moved into a tiny warehouse. They’re already shooting weird AI/Green Screen promos. I wouldn’t be shocked at all if it was revealed this was actually all staged at the Performance Center, with the crowd CGI’d in afterwards. Looked identical. A vintage Randy Orton match. Dull, boring waste of time. Cody is floundering badly right now. Man’s in desperate need of something new and exciting. Best I’ve heard is the suggestion that he wins the Cena Tournament, but then immediately turns heel and smashes up the belt. Circle of life. “Soon.” A real sense of, “the worst person you know makes a great point,” with them taking the belt off Chelsea Green. I championed her as much as anyone, and was buzzing when she won the belt, but woof. Turns out Michael Hayes was right all along. A dreadful run, filled with stinkers. Has a woman ever held the Money in the Bank briefcase for a significant amount of time? Always feels like they rush it off them. I refuse to discuss a Vision match. Worst act in wrestling. Bin them off already. Sami put in a good performance despite the finish making him look so rubbish. That spot where he interrupted Roman doing the, “OOOOOHH-AHHH,” taunt with a Helluva Kick was brilliant. Maybe they’ll still stick him in War Games now that he finally has Roman’s approval. Co-Tribal Chief is out the window, though. Assistant to the Regional Manager Tribal Chief. On the plus side, if you ever needed something to distract from the WWE Champion losing clean, then there’s not much better than Hunter’s hair right now. Incredible. Is he on his way to challenging CM Punk for who can do the best tribute to Vince’s bouffant?! It’s like 2011 all over again! Kevin Nash will show up with his own quiff next week!

The ghost of Hogan congratulating Roman on reaching heights he never even considered. You can beat everyone clean and then also script them to shake your hand and thank you for the loss? Wild. Billy Kidman got off lightly!

I was only half joking about Sami joining the Bloodline at first, but after watching the opening segment of last night’s Smackdown I’m now convinced it’s a genuine possibility! Hilariously, I don’t think they’ve ever even updated us on whether Jacob Fatu is alive or dead, but on the off chance he’s still alive hopefully the Last Real Good Guy can put a stop to him ever returning to even the odds against the 946. Get lost, Jacob! We need the Original Bloodline! Roman and Sami Co-Tribal Chiefs! New boom confirmed!

Creed brothers gone from WWE. I think we can all agree that The Don Callis Family needs a few more members.

Thank you for all the contributions. Me and the Undisputed WWE Champion have taken all candidates into account and, unfortunately, came to the same conclusion each time.

Don’t threaten me with a good time! I couldn’t tell you a single War Games match from the modern era that wouldn’t be dramatically improved if it was formatted like last year’s Forbidden Door main event, with everyone starting in the cage from the start. I think the fundamental problem is that pro-wrestling isn’t consumed and heat isn’t generated like it was in 1992. I get how it should work. I understand how momentum should swing back and forth. But even when they do everything right and the heels keep gaining the advantage, I never feel engaged enough to be hoping that a babyface will run down to even the odds. I’m never counting down for the save to come. It doesn’t feel like anyone is. The fans don’t seem particularly hot for it. The commentators barely mention it. You never sense huge heat when the babyfaces are outnumbered. It’s just someone else running down with another random weapon. AEW’s version is at least better for being more violent and having crazier spots (and again, Megan Bayne turning herself into a smashed up jar of jam should definitely be commended), but deep down it suffers from the same problem as WWE’s War Games. At its core, it’s just a a jazzed up “Price is Right” with people taking it in turns to, “come on down!” with their prop, to do some spots.

The 946 run in on Sami vs. Roman, leading to a non contest. Both Sami and Roman are furious. There’s only one solution. We go back to the well one more time. Will I laugh at their lack of originality? Yes. But the laughter will fade. My arm will remain in the air indefinitely. Best thing this company has ever done. Treat yourself to one last go around.

Add, “War Games/Blood and Guts matches,” to, “pay per view lengths,” as another example of how WWE and AEW offer extreme ends of a specific spectrum, when the true, dream scenario is somewhere in the middle. With War Games matches in WWE, they’re usually long, plodding, dull affairs, with zero creativity and about as much violence as Mick Foley and Owen Hart hitting each other with bags of popcorn, but at least they can be won by pinfall, so there’s usually a big, climactic finish. With Blood and Guts in AEW, they’re always a much better paced, bonkers, hyper-creative, wildly-violent affair, only for the silly submit or surrender thing to invariably kill the momentum, ending it on a daft, awkward bit of drama-school acting. It always feels so stupid when people can be bleeding to death (what the FUCK, Megan Bayne!), have explosions going off in their face, but then they have to try to think of something that would suddenly make people surrender. I don’t think it’s ever worked. Ultimately I think the whole concept is past its sell by date and has been completely overshadowed by far more exciting gimmick matches like Anarchy in the Arena and Casino Gauntlets, but if both companies still insist on doing these matches there’s definitely a happy medium somewhere amongst what they currently exclusively deliver. I was definitely encouraged by AEW not announcing the times between entrants this year, leaning into the idea that it’s random, similar to Casino Gauntlets, allowing them to pace it better. Hopefully they keep tweaking it. I feel like I say this every year but beyond allowing pinfalls I think the biggest improvement would be announcing that the match can end at any time, and doesn’t require every competitor to enter before the match, “truly begins.” I’m not suggesting they’re as bad as Michael Cole screaming at you every two seconds that nothing counts and you should go make a brew, but I’m still not convinced anything is gained by withholding such a vital, dramatic part of pro-wrestling matches as the false finish. Even at its most wild and bloodiest (fucking HELL, Megan Bayne!) there’s still a weird, dragging sense of just waiting and waiting for it to finally, “matter.” That’s enough moaning though. For what it was, this was definitely two of the more enjoyable Blood and Guts, with loads of notable highlights. -Okada’s leaf blower is the best spot in the history of War Games. Don’t DM me. Between delivering in the ring and then being the funniest character in the business, he’s quietly made a solid case for wrestler of the year. Wild how he surprisingly became such a perfect fit for North American pro-wrestling. - There was a few minutes there where it suddenly hit me that Nick Jackson forming a Tag Team with Darby Allin would be my pro-wrestling heaven. Stay in the back, Matt. We’ll take it from here. - There’s something almost sweet watching all the experienced guys doing everything they can to make Steven Borden look good. It still feels novel when wrestlers are willing to help a guy coming up rather than sabotaging and politicking the fuck out of everyone (I’m looking at you, Roman!). Maybe everyone is just as dazzled at his handsomeness, willing him to succeed. - First time in ages Wardlow looked like he had something again. Maybe a month of chucking Darby around like a wet tracksuit is the way forward. - Explosions always rule. Still holding out hope for that Hangman vs. Swerve Exploding Barb Wire Death Match. Please, Tony! - It bears repeating. How many paracetamol did Megan Bayne neck backstage? Jesus Christ! Eddie Guerrero levels! I hope she got the transfusion she needed.

Jon Moxley introducing Orange Cassidy to the only true method of proving the authenticity of a photograph on the UKFF.

At least he’ll have a lot of free time in prison to read his beloved Bible.