Paid Members Devon Malcolm Posted January 12, 2021 Paid Members Share Posted January 12, 2021 Â Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Nexus Posted January 12, 2021 Paid Members Share Posted January 12, 2021 "Xylophone - Xylophone Fish." Â "Nah, it'd sink wouldn't it?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Wretch Posted January 12, 2021 Paid Members Share Posted January 12, 2021 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Surf Digby Posted January 12, 2021 Paid Members Share Posted January 12, 2021 20 minutes ago, gmoney said: Michael really is a fantastic character. Seconded. There's moments where he outshines Alan, such as....   Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Bellenda Carlisle Posted January 12, 2021 Paid Members Share Posted January 12, 2021  From UHF Stanley : What's wrong, George? George  : You don't wanna know. Stanley: oh... Why'd I ask?  From Austin Powers Vanessa Kensington: I know I'm paranoid but I can't shake this suspicious feeling about you and miss Fagina Austin: You're right to be suspicious, I shagged her! Vanessa: what? Austin: I shagged her rotten baby, yeah! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members tiger_rick Posted January 12, 2021 Paid Members Share Posted January 12, 2021 The early series of Not Going Out had a load of good one liners. My favourite: Lee: You grew up in a cul-de-sac in Henley, what do you know about tragedy? Tim: The Greeks invented it, Shakespeare wrote about it, the Bee-Gees sang it and Steps covered it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wordsfromlee Posted January 12, 2021 Share Posted January 12, 2021 "Lieutenant Sex Machine, Homicide! Yeah, what time? Damn! I'm gonna nail this sick mother even if the D.A. takes my badge! Chief, just give me 24 Hours!" *slams telephone down* "God, I wish I knew what all that meant!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperBacon Posted January 12, 2021 Share Posted January 12, 2021 Was reminded of this stupid joke from Rushmore this afternoon  Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Dead Mike Posted January 12, 2021 Paid Members Share Posted January 12, 2021 It's like what Lenin said... you look for the person who will benefit, and, uh, uh... Donny: I am the walrus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members SpiritOfTheForest Posted January 12, 2021 Paid Members Share Posted January 12, 2021 "War is never a picnic. Although obviously, soldiers do end up eating outdoors quite a lot". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Accident Prone Posted January 13, 2021 Paid Members Share Posted January 13, 2021 Frank walking past the door in Naked Gun kills me every time. Â Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members garynysmon Posted January 13, 2021 Paid Members Share Posted January 13, 2021 (edited) She said she'd be wearing a white chiffon scarf to help me spot her....Oh for fuck sake....  Phoenix Nights 'Robot Wars' Brian Potter: That a robot, son, is it? Teenager: Actually the term is automaton. The Cleaner’s multidirectional, it’s fitted with a twin-wizard blade mechanism at the back and it’s also got a triphammer device at the front. Brian Potter: Have you ever kissed a girl? Edited January 13, 2021 by garynysmon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members chokeout Posted January 13, 2021 Paid Members Share Posted January 13, 2021 Like most jokes the set up is in the episode but 80s business man's last line in this gets me every time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dopper Posted January 13, 2021 Share Posted January 13, 2021 Tim: "What are you doing in Sheffield?" Mike: "I fell asleep on the Tube" Tim: "The Tube doesn't go to Sheffield" Mike: "Yeah I know, I must have changed at Kings Cross" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awards Moderator Onyx2 Posted January 13, 2021 Awards Moderator Share Posted January 13, 2021 On 1/12/2021 at 10:56 AM, Chris B said: The first 20 seconds of Lillith's first appearance in Cheers involves one of my all-time favourite jokes. The set-up gives so many options, but the punchline is just phenomenal. If you can't watch, it's here: Â Â Reveal hidden contents Frasier:Â Everybody, I'd like you to meet my date, Dr. Lilith Sternin, M.D., Ph.D., Ed.D., A.P.A. Woody:Â Boy, it sure isn't spelled like it sounds. Â If you want to start on Frasier you'll never end, it's packed with one-liners and put-downs. e.g. Frasier: "How can men use sex to get what they want? Sex IS what we want!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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