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The Relationship Thread


Ron&Hermione

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So, my ex has been messaging me recently, wanting to catch up. We broke up because I was basically a clingy bastard 5 years ago, but we've remained on good terms since, she moved to Western Australia and we stayed in touch through the odd Facebook message. She moved back to New South Wales recently after splitting with the bloke she was with over there, and started initiating contact, wanting to go for drinks and last weekend, we went to a concert.

 

Unfortunately, things are more platonic and void of any romantic interest whatsoever from her end. I'd like another chance with her, as I'm a far cry from the person I was in early 2009. I don't want to push too hard and make the mistakes I did back then, but do I have a shot at her seeing me in a romantic/sexual way again, or have I achieved the ultimate level of friendzoning? And if there is a way, what would be my best approach?

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Unfortunately, things are more platonic and void of any romantic interest whatsoever from her end. I'd like another chance with her, as I'm a far cry from the person I was in early 2009. I don't want to push too hard and make the mistakes I did back then, but do I have a shot at her seeing me in a romantic/sexual way again, or have I achieved the ultimate level of friendzoning? And if there is a way, what would be my best approach?

 

The only way you can remain outside of the "friend zone" is by not being friends. Sorry mate, but going to concerts and heading out for drinks as mates won't get you where you want to go.

 

It may be tough, and you run the risk of her moving on, but from what you've mentioned you're only going to ensure that you're there to give advice and for her to talk about the new guy when she does move on.

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So, my ex has been messaging me recently, wanting to catch up. We broke up because I was basically a clingy bastard 5 years ago, but we've remained on good terms since, she moved to Western Australia and we stayed in touch through the odd Facebook message. She moved back to New South Wales recently after splitting with the bloke she was with over there, and started initiating contact, wanting to go for drinks and last weekend, we went to a concert.

 

Unfortunately, things are more platonic and void of any romantic interest whatsoever from her end. I'd like another chance with her, as I'm a far cry from the person I was in early 2009. I don't want to push too hard and make the mistakes I did back then, but do I have a shot at her seeing me in a romantic/sexual way again, or have I achieved the ultimate level of friendzoning? And if there is a way, what would be my best approach?

 

Only thing you can do is be honest about it and just see what happens. All the pussyfooting around and trying to ease from a friendship into a romantic one simply ain't gonna happen. If she says "no I just wanna be mates, mate" then decide whether you can handle that, if not, move on.

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Damn. Well, we did chat at the pub about our past and stuff, and she said she just wanted to be friends "right now" and was getting over her ex etc. Which is normally a standard blow-off response, but I thought given that there used to be something there, there might be some suave way I could rekindle the flame.

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i once went on a date with a girl, and after we ate curry, and had a few drinks i ended back at her place, we ended up in bed, and thats when it happened...i knew i needed to lay a stinking cable as gas was coming from my corn-hoop every second for about an hour, in the end i thought 'fuck it' and shouted 'shit ghost!' and let out the biggest-ring-ripper the earth has ever seen, it smelled like burnt tyres mixed with off meat!, my undies felt squidgy ..id actually poo'd, and it had sprayed about six feet down the bed and was on the wall too!..i got up, and said 'gotta go' farted again and ran away. not heard from her since :(

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i once went on a date with a girl, and after we ate curry, and had a few drinks i ended back at her place, we ended up in bed, and thats when it happened...i knew i needed to lay a stinking cable as gas was coming from my corn-hoop every second for about an hour, in the end i thought 'fuck it' and shouted 'shit ghost!' and let out the biggest-ring-ripper the earth has ever seen, it smelled like burnt tyres mixed with off meat!, my undies felt squidgy ..id actually poo'd, and it had sprayed about six feet down the bed and was on the wall too!..i got up, and said 'gotta go' farted again and ran away. not heard from her since :(

 

On the flip side, would you still be with her if it turned out she was into that?

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So here's the post-Paris update regarding the girl I'm really into but is in a long-term relationship:

 

The first night the whole group go out to a bar my brother recommended: dimly lit, Bowie and Gainsbourg by vinyl, cool clientele: my dream basically. She gets drunk, and as ever, starts buying me drinks. Upon returning to the hotel, she follows me into my room that I'm sharing with a friend, lays down on the end of my bed and starts acting jealous about the fact I was talking to a girl at the bar, eventually she comes out with the question "Do you only go for girls in relationships because you fear commitment?" I tell her that, no, in fact I crave commitment, it just so happens the person I've fallen for is in one. We remain talking until gone 7am, at which point my friend "reminds" her of the time and suggests she get to sleep.

 

For the next couple of days she's very distant to me, refuses to do anything without the whole group and is generally quiet and withdrawn. At this point I accept that it's not going to happen. The third day starts the same way but as we go to the David Bowie exhibition (whom we both love) and then head to a record store she begins perking up massively and as I moot the idea of going back to the bar from Saturday, as it's our last night in Paris, she's all for it. Mercifully it's only myself, her and my close friend who go and we have a wonderful night. As we begin to leave, she grasps onto my hand again. My judgement suggests I pull away, and despite everything else begging me to hold on I do so, but she quickly locks arms instead. We get a taxi, wherein she tells me that she "wishes the two of us could stay here forever, there's too much back home that I don't want, too many people I don't want to see". She then tells me that she's "no longer letting people stand in the way of what makes me happy".

 

The next day, our final day, she's different. Previously, after tender moments she would become awkward and push me away, but not this time. Smiley, chatty, joking. And as we were waiting to depart, she disappeared with a friend, came back hugging, red eyes, shaky. When she goes to the toilet she tells us "she's told me she's leaving her boyfriend". Shit. Bear in mind they don't know about all this between us.

 

Since then, however, nothing. We've spoken a little but she's not been "available" much for anyone. And now I'm stuck in this awful waiting game, trying to find out whether she's left him, is leaving him, whether she's changed her mind. I'm going mad, and I don't know how long I should leave it before I really start worrying. I'm sticking with what I said earlier, that after Paris, if nothing happens then I'm moving on for good. But oh my, is this bit difficult.

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Just set up a date with someone else and let the news get back to her, she'll get jealous and leave her jock boyfriend for you and you'll meet in Paris a year from now on top of the Eiffel Tower where you recognise your everlasting love for each other before the mood is soured by Herbie who's shitting himself in the corner.

 

The date thing would definitely work though.

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