The Relationship Thread

[Wrasslin]

I've cheated in the past. Used to a lot.  Had a conversation with a friend of mine who had done the same and we both said the same thing about it. Yes there is an element of ego and just seeking sexual gratification out of it, of course there is. 

 

But we both found the driver (beyond the first time) is that cheating itself becomes somewhat addictive. The secrecy, the skulking and the fact that it's wrong.

 

It wasn't as much about the sex, I cancelled plans on my partner at the time (would have had sex) just to go have sex with someone else.

 

And yes, I'm aware it made me a complete arsehole at the time. I haven't cheated on my partner of now 18 months at all. I'm not saying it'll never happen I just don't have the desire too at the moment. Maybe that's down to maturity, or having gotten it out of my system at a younger age, maybe I'm just happier in this relationship and care more about his feelings. Who knows?

Edited August 20, 2015 by Wrasslin

[Bellenda Carlisle]

For me personally, being in a relationship (married or not), means you've said 'I want to be with this person only' and thus you should stop looking around.

 

I've never cheated on anyone I've ever been in a serious relationship with and I never could, Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman in Batman Returns could come on to me and I wouldn't shag her. I don't think I've stopped looking around though, I'd find it physically impossible to stop fancying other women.

I love my girlfriend and I would never betray her but I don't feel any differently about other women than I did when I was single.

[SpursRiot2012]

That's something I've never understood about women. I was chatting to a friend of mine on Facebook Messenger and said something off hand about there being a lot of cute women in Kentish Town and my girlfriend happened to see it and gave me shit. Just because I'm in a relationship I stop being a male human with eyes? Yes, objectively, other women are still hot.

[ElCece]

I've never understood how you can give someone grief for finding people attractive. It's psychically impossible to stop that. 1 thing I love about my wife is she understands that and we both have a joke about it. The key is to not cross boundaries or be disrespectful and try to steer away from "perving". Altough if I talked about any women the way she talked about Phil from Location Location Location she would be fuming.

[Guest]

my stance on cheating is that people who do it in standard relationships are just immature, misguided, thrill-seekers going the wrong way about it, whatever. Not the biggest deal in the world

 

if it's a relationship that's taken significant investment to get into and will take more to get out of  (a.k.a. marriage) and there's the life of a child or children involved, they are pure vermin. Tell his lass, I say.

Edited August 20, 2015 by sj5522

[Mr_Danger]

Don't tell his wife, that's shit advice. Unless you have some Jerry Seinfeld style designs on his wife.

[Guest]

Well I would do in a heartbeat. Slightly less likely that the mentioned work colleague would knock me out as I'm not a man, but yeah fuck it I'd do it anyway.

 

Morals >>>

[Mr_Danger]

Nah fuck that, that's their business and unless it directly involves you I don't think you should interfere. It's surprising the amount of people who are happy/ desperate enough to turn a blind eye when they suspect and by telling them it makes the discovery that much more bitter.

 

You can't go around expecting everyone to live my your own moral compass. Although I say this as someone who has neither cheated or (that I know of) been cheated on.

[Bellenda Carlisle]

Unless the wife was a close friend of mine it would never occur to me in a million years to tell someone their partner was cheating in that situation.

[ElCece]

I told my mates fiancée that's he was snagging another lass. I said I was going to as I thought he was acting like a selfish child. I told his fiancee and she thanked me for telling her them broke down crying telling me already knew. It was a shite experience but I would still do it again. They stayed together for another year but broke up anyway.

[SpursRiot2012]

Christ, I'm glad I'm not your mate.

[Mr_Danger]

Ha, my mates mum told his girlfriend once. Thats the ahem, mother, of all betrayals.

[ElCece]

I think it depends on your relationship with the other party. If like I did you have a strong friendship with the person being cheated on it makes it a totally different situation.

[Guest]

I've dealt with a similar kind of situation before. I told a girl who wasn't a bestie or anything, but was able to Facebook her what I knew her lad had been up to in my college course and she was just grateful to know and when I've seen her since, still thanks me to this day.

I take your point though that there's no one reaction people are gonna have to hearing that, but does it create more harm coming forward with what you know than what matey boy was doing anyway? I'm not really sure. Personally I'd rather find out by whatever means than be swindled for god knows how long, especially if it's a regular thing and I had a kid to think about too, but I know some people would have different reactions entirely. I do wonder if those sorts of more forgiving reactions don't have a bit of history to them though, whether it's from abuse or just bottom of the barrel self-esteem, it's quite sad either way

Edited August 20, 2015 by sj5522

[Mr.E]

In this case I don't know his wife personally so I wouldn't tell her as it's not my business to do so.

 

I once told a friend at college, a long time back, about his cheating girlfriend and he totally flipped out at me, the pretended I hadn't said anything and continued to go out with her.