Vamp Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 Turns out as far as she was concerned we were over she just never had the time to actually tell me. Not even a spare hour to maybe explain we were broken up before we went to a wedding as a couple. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members FLips Posted September 20, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted September 20, 2015 She just sounds radged because you dumped her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vamp Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 I didn't. She had dumped me without telling me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Bellenda Carlisle Posted September 21, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted September 21, 2015 That's sounds like a nightmare man, I can barely tolerate a wedding when I'm in a happy relationship, I can't imagine being frozen out at one like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members ElCece Posted September 21, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted September 21, 2015 I've only ever went to one wedding excluding my own where we me and my wife has enjoyed myself. There is something for about the situation. Hope it goes ok anyway dude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vamp Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 (edited) It was rotten. She won't admit any of her mistakes either. She was a good friend once, helped me get through the worst stretch of depression I've ever faced, I'm just not sure if I can forgive her or see her as a friend. If she'd admitted her mistakes it'd be easier. I've admitted to mine in the past. She's completely changed though. It was like a switch went off. Â It's really thrown me through a loop. Really I need to go out and find new friends. I'm not the most outwardly sociable person though. Edited September 21, 2015 by Vamp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr.E Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I've had that, basically having a one sided discussion before where you lay it all on the table and  they don't have any issues , because its all one sided apparently. It makes you feel like you've gone crazy after a little while.  For what its worth, in my experience its just because she's mad at you and also very stubborn. I went through a period of this with an ex, that just didn't get resolved. Many years later and we talked about it again, and she opened up detailing her issues/problems etc, basically as I'd asked of her many years ago.  Just get out there man, I'm similar in not being the most social person, but find a new interest/learn a new skill and along the way you might bump into some new people. Worst comes to the worst, find a new local and just start chatting to people, I find having a beer in me helps bring down the walls a little bit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patiirc Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 This is getting to be annual, however, another Engagement is close to biting the dust as she wants space..  Basically relly was great and then totalled, by psychotic ex fiancee who stalked me and new gf/fiancee (since learned ex's next 3 bfs, have all ended the same way, accused of stalking, and wound up to the point one let her tires down. That's closure and a half, to know wasnt thee who was mad!) and a series of shit circumstances including unemployment illness and probable miscarraiges.  Anyhoo, bascally done all that I can, including being there, supporting her in whats he does, giving space when she wants it, not pushing and so forth. looked after kids,  cleaned her shit tip of a house twice, bed bugs used nappies, cockroaches, fucking mouldy food and mess everywhere, bought her a freezer when she packed up and generally been the model boyfriend. Yup, have my own shit, yup worked on it, been open and transparent about it and taken a step back and said why when it's happened ( PTSD flashbacks are cunts).  However, i'm in the wrong, despite doing nothing of the sort, respecting boundaries, wanting consideration ( cancelling long planned romantic day out to fuck off to Manchester, yet not even bothering to a) ask or b) tell me til the day and wondering why I'm upset despite it being set in stone for weeks). Cancelling a dinner date, because she couldnt find the restaurant, despite working over the road from it and not coming to mine for months.  Basically, she's depressed, at a cross roads, she has no clue what she wants to do, tried supporting her through various things, but ultimately im the arsehole.  and Iam easiest to cut out because it's the only thing in her life she has control over.  Get all of that plus the stresses and strains she is under, benefits cut, skint, no time for her etc. however is deaf ears, and she courts  two blokes, who make her blush and so on, hide her phone and then straight to guilt trip city.  Despite all of that, and being pulled on it as it's utterly inappropriate, . She has has said she needs 'space'  In short I should walk away from the car wreck? If some one says they want a break then fb's you constantly, then claims I'm too much, because I deigned respond and then says will block you because it's for the 'best' but then doesnt bother, then yeah it's time to run.  I think she's looking for an out, in terms of me blowing up, being jealous etc, a reason to end it. unfortunately she has none, so she can justifiably cheat because ive been a cunt. Should be a laugh seeing what excuse happens when it does come out anyway.  Relationships, so much hard work, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members SpursRiot2012 Posted October 26, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted October 26, 2015 I can't read all of that, pat. But I would have chucked her as soon as I saw her house looking like that. Not cleaned it for her and bought her a new fridge. Sounds to me like you'd be better off staying single for a while. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrK Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 This is getting to be annual, however, another Engagement is close to biting the dust as she wants space..  Basically relly was great and then totalled, by psychotic ex fiancee who stalked me and new gf/fiancee (since learned ex's next 3 bfs, have all ended the same way, accused of stalking, and wound up to the point one let her tires down. That's closure and a half, to know wasnt thee who was mad!) and a series of shit circumstances including unemployment illness and probable miscarraiges.  Anyhoo, bascally done all that I can, including being there, supporting her in whats he does, giving space when she wants it, not pushing and so forth. looked after kids, cleaned her shit tip of a house twice, bed bugs used nappies, cockroaches, fucking mouldy food and mess everywhere, bought her a freezer when she packed up and generally been the model boyfriend. Yup, have my own shit, yup worked on it, been open and transparent about it and taken a step back and said why when it's happened ( PTSD flashbacks are cunts).  However, i'm in the wrong, despite doing nothing of the sort, respecting boundaries, wanting consideration ( cancelling long planned romantic day out to fuck off to Manchester, yet not even bothering to a) ask or b) tell me til the day and wondering why I'm upset despite it being set in stone for weeks). Cancelling a dinner date, because she couldnt find the restaurant, despite working over the road from it and not coming to mine for months.  Basically, she's depressed, at a cross roads, she has no clue what she wants to do, tried supporting her through various things, but ultimately im the arsehole. and Iam easiest to cut out because it's the only thing in her life she has control over.  Get all of that plus the stresses and strains she is under, benefits cut, skint, no time for her etc. however is deaf ears, and she courts two blokes, who make her blush and so on, hide her phone and then straight to guilt trip city.  Despite all of that, and being pulled on it as it's utterly inappropriate, . She has has said she needs 'space'  In short I should walk away from the car wreck? If some one says they want a break then fb's you constantly, then claims I'm too much, because I deigned respond and then says will block you because it's for the 'best' but then doesnt bother, then yeah it's time to run.  I think she's looking for an out, in terms of me blowing up, being jealous etc, a reason to end it. unfortunately she has none, so she can justifiably cheat because ive been a cunt. Should be a laugh seeing what excuse happens when it does come out anyway.  Relationships, so much hard work, There's so many reasons for my answer after reading your post but I'll pick the easiest. If your fiancé is trying to date other men, then I think you should maybe throw in the towel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr.E Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Yep, as above, just walk away now. Â Tell her your leaving her, then block on all social media, and just leave her with it. As much as we all like helping people, all of the above is simply "not your problem", so as such just leave her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Chest Rockwell Posted October 26, 2015 Moderators Share Posted October 26, 2015 I'm not reading all of that waffle... but you seem to be attracted to finding women you want to try to help and 'fix'. It's a really destructive pattern you're engaged in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patiirc Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Yep, as above, just walk away now. Â Tell her your leaving her, then block on all social media, and just leave her with it. As much as we all like helping people, all of the above is simply "not your problem", so as such just leave her. Â Â I'm not reading all of that waffle... but you seem to be attracted to finding women you want to try to help and 'fix'. It's a really destructive pattern you're engaged in. Â Cheers for taking time to reply everyone. Yeah, everyone, friends, family, you guys has been screaming at me to walk, I think after the last nutjob that I'd learn, apparently not. and here I am, again. Â Chest and Mr. E, it isnt about finding and fixing people, if I wanted to do that I'd be a counsellor or social worker or something. However I do get you points and see where you are coming from.. Fixing someone in a relationship is immeasurably destructive and can appear controlling. It's not up to you (ie me) to interfere, if they are doing 'fine, thank you very much' irrespective of how it actually is. It screams co-dependence and low self esteem and doesn't help what should be a healthy functioning relationship. Â I've not been doing that and wont, only helping when asked to. Have learnt that one, I think. Â Either way, the relationship as a whole is not a good healthy thing and I will be and have began removing myself from the whole thing permanently. When I can get to see her in person, as ending a relationship via fb is a bit of a cunt thing to do, irrespective, and if I don't hear back, then just get on with my life, learn and then actually avoid the not very stable ones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr.E Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 The way I look at is this: Â Some people have baggage/issues or whatever they have, and you can try and "help" all you like. But when you start doing stuff for them , (IE cleaning their shit tip of a house, being the responsible party in certain situations) then that's when you have to say "look, this isn't my problem, this is your problem" and just leave them with it. My uncle had near on the same thing with a women he was seeing, basically used him as a live in butler to cook/clean/run the house/look after her kids/sort her pets out, all whilst she did nothing but complain about him. To top it off, your lady sounds like she doesn't care to much for yourself, if shes courting other men, so yeah. Leave her out and block her so all future messages fall on deaf ears mate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Bellenda Carlisle Posted October 27, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted October 27, 2015 (edited) Sometimes someone you love really needs help and you have to be there for them even if they appear like they don't want help or seem ungrateful. I really don't think this is one of those times man, get out of there. I don't think there's an ending where you can both be happy together, if she cleans up her act she'll probably want to be with you even less. Edited October 27, 2015 by Call me Bellend Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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