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Ron&Hermione

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Always go with gut instinct on things like this. Surely she has had enough chances to tell you how she feels so wouldn't wait around much longer.

 

It's one of them situations where she probably doesn't know what she wants and is scared to leave her boyfriend and only did it when away as it was the easy option, then when she got home reality kicked in, they probably had a talk and for all you know they could be back together and she's had a change of 'heart'.

 

It sounds blunt but maybe you just need to ask her to make a decision so you know where you stand, none of this 'I need time' bullshit as you can't keep waiting in hope forever as then if it doesn't happen your worse off for it in the long run.

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So here's the post-Paris update regarding the girl I'm really into but is in a long-term relationship:

 

The first night the whole group go out to a bar my brother recommended: dimly lit, Bowie and Gainsbourg by vinyl, cool clientele: my dream basically. She gets drunk, and as ever, starts buying me drinks. Upon returning to the hotel, she follows me into my room that I'm sharing with a friend, lays down on the end of my bed and starts acting jealous about the fact I was talking to a girl at the bar, eventually she comes out with the question "Do you only go for girls in relationships because you fear commitment?" I tell her that, no, in fact I crave commitment, it just so happens the person I've fallen for is in one. We remain talking until gone 7am, at which point my friend "reminds" her of the time and suggests she get to sleep.

 

For the next couple of days she's very distant to me, refuses to do anything without the whole group and is generally quiet and withdrawn. At this point I accept that it's not going to happen. The third day starts the same way but as we go to the David Bowie exhibition (whom we both love) and then head to a record store she begins perking up massively and as I moot the idea of going back to the bar from Saturday, as it's our last night in Paris, she's all for it. Mercifully it's only myself, her and my close friend who go and we have a wonderful night. As we begin to leave, she grasps onto my hand again. My judgement suggests I pull away, and despite everything else begging me to hold on I do so, but she quickly locks arms instead. We get a taxi, wherein she tells me that she "wishes the two of us could stay here forever, there's too much back home that I don't want, too many people I don't want to see". She then tells me that she's "no longer letting people stand in the way of what makes me happy".

 

The next day, our final day, she's different. Previously, after tender moments she would become awkward and push me away, but not this time. Smiley, chatty, joking. And as we were waiting to depart, she disappeared with a friend, came back hugging, red eyes, shaky. When she goes to the toilet she tells us "she's told me she's leaving her boyfriend". Shit. Bear in mind they don't know about all this between us.

 

Since then, however, nothing. We've spoken a little but she's not been "available" much for anyone. And now I'm stuck in this awful waiting game, trying to find out whether she's left him, is leaving him, whether she's changed her mind. I'm going mad, and I don't know how long I should leave it before I really start worrying. I'm sticking with what I said earlier, that after Paris, if nothing happens then I'm moving on for good. But oh my, is this bit difficult.

 In short, if she was really interested she would have gone for it. However she did not. She is thus, testing the waters to see if other men are interested in her, so as to feel attractive after split to man.

If she really gave a shite then those 'night's would have meant more, and you could have gone further, it didnt happen. when there was enough opportunity, different country, no witnesses and so forth and so on. Doesnt get more clear cut than that,

 

It's not what you want to hear but, dude wide berth her, let her coime to you if she is 'that' interested.

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Great advice as ever; thanks.

 

Just send her a dick pic

 

Except maybe here! :p

 

Anyway... nothing's happened. I stopped talking but she's quickly messaging me on flimsy reasoning again - I'd like to assume she's intelligent enough to know that if she decides to start anew with her boyfriend, she's going to have to quit finding any excuse to talk to me every day, in fact quit talking to me entirely, really.

 

Just to make it clear... I do believe that she has serious feelings for me like I do for her, and I don't believe she's purposely leading me on for the giggles. However it is clear to me that she is using the situation to her advantage, that she's loving the attention, and that - in her cowardice - she's continually coming to an unworkable conclusion wherein she'll stay in her unhappy relationship rather than rock the boat, and just gain everything the relationship lacks from me instead. I wouldn't say I'm naive or anything.

 

One problem is our difference relationship histories. As I've mentioned before, I've had flings but never something I'd consider a genuine relationship, which is probably poor form considering I'm nearly 25. She's been in this relationship for seven years, since she was 15. Their relationship has quite clearly never evolved from that teenage romance stage, and even though she now has a proper job and responsibilities, they are still stuck in some weird "sleepover every Friday" routine. She's incapable of discussing her feelings with me unless she's drunk, wherein she insists on referring to everything ambiguously, or even basically in riddles. It's seriously like she's a mature, level-headed adult until it comes to her love life, at which point she reverts to that 15-year old girl again.

 

Anyway, I'm rambling again. I said to myself I'd give her a week after we get back to do it on her own terms, and that runs out tomorrow morning. It looks like I'm going to, as you say, go for the make-or-break question in the very near future.

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Just to make it clear... I do believe that she has serious feelings for me like I do for her, and I don't believe she's purposely leading me on for the giggles. However it is clear to me that she is using the situation to her advantage, that she's loving the attention, and that - in her cowardice - she's continually coming to an unworkable conclusion wherein she'll stay in her unhappy relationship rather than rock the boat, and just gain everything the relationship lacks from me instead. I wouldn't say I'm naive or anything.

 

This paragraph proves to me that you don't need our advice. You've totally got this one covered.

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The way to look at it as well is that if she is texting and semi leading you on then how would you like it if you were together and she did that to you further down the line? Just seems a bit shifty to me and forgetting your feelings if she is willing to hint at things with you whilst with someone then it could happen to you next time.

 

Obviously in that situation thats a chance you would be more than willing to make, but always wary that a leopard doesn't change its spots.

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As my love life is never dull, new girlfriend is currently 8 weeks late for her time of the month, we have used protection all the way through and she has now had 8 tests for pregnancy 2 dip tests for pregnancy and an HCG blood test all of which have come back negative. She has all the signs and symptoms but has not yet had confirmation. 

 

It would be great if she was as I have been broody for ages, and she has thought about a 3rd kid at some point.I dont want the extreme stress of this coupled with the other stuff ( being stalked etc) to blow a wedge in to the relationship so early on.  It's only been 3 months, we'ved discussed options about being pregnant and keeping the baby etc. however the stress over this is making things difficult. 

 

Has anyone else had similar? And what did you do to get around it in terms of not making the sole topic of conversation about Pregnancy etc, Much of the relationship is revolving around waiting for confirmation and the rest of it and it's derailing the getting to know each other settle down and start doing things and causing angst.

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I got my girlfriend pregnant after a month of seeing each other. We've been together two and half years now.

 

I actually don't think it was the worst thing in the world. We were totally in love from the get go and it just felt right really. Getting rid of the baby never ever came up despite my missus dreading my reaction to her telling me she was pregnant I was absolutely delighted as I've always wanted to be a father. Our little one turns 18 months at the end of April. It's been hard but it's been absolutely amazing at the same time.

 

As for solely talking about the pregnancy you just need to keep getting to know each other. It will dominate conversation most of the time but just do it over a nice meal out, or go to the cinema. Normal couple stuff. Maybe you can spend a bit of time with her other kids too? I don't think it'll be as much of a problem as you're expecting. But maybe I was lucky.

 

If it comes back and it's still a big if, then be happy and concentrate on being a dad. I think that was something I struggled with. I was 22 at the time and still wanted to keep up my partying and everything and still have to a degree. I've only recently cut it down. Being a father is the best feeling in the world and I'm sure you'll think the same when the time comes.

 

Not sure if there's any advice in there haha. But I've been through it. Just stick to doing couple like things. If she is pregnant it will come around quickly, so continue getting to know each other and spending time together as you won't get much time when the little one is there!

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Not my relationship, but yesterday afternoon I heard my mate drunkenly tell his other half on the phone that he's "going to get a hotel room and bang the ring out of you" after asking her whether she wants "to do some fucking tonight?" which is the most romantic thing I've ever heard.

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I got my girlfriend pregnant after a month of seeing each other. We've been together two and half years now.

 

I actually don't think it was the worst thing in the world. We were totally in love from the get go and it just felt right really. Getting rid of the baby never ever came up despite my missus dreading my reaction to her telling me she was pregnant I was absolutely delighted as I've always wanted to be a father. Our little one turns 18 months at the end of April. It's been hard but it's been absolutely amazing at the same time.

 

As for solely talking about the pregnancy you just need to keep getting to know each other. It will dominate conversation most of the time but just do it over a nice meal out, or go to the cinema. Normal couple stuff. Maybe you can spend a bit of time with her other kids too? I don't think it'll be as much of a problem as you're expecting. But maybe I was lucky.

 

If it comes back and it's still a big if, then be happy and concentrate on being a dad. I think that was something I struggled with. I was 22 at the time and still wanted to keep up my partying and everything and still have to a degree. I've only recently cut it down. Being a father is the best feeling in the world and I'm sure you'll think the same when the time comes.

 

Not sure if there's any advice in there haha. But I've been through it. Just stick to doing couple like things. If she is pregnant it will come around quickly, so continue getting to know each other and spending time together as you won't get much time when the little one is there!

 

Hey, cheers for the reply. I've been a proxy dad to a 3 and 5 year old (18 months and 3 at start of the relationship) in my relationship with the somewhat psychotic ex, so have plenty of experience in terms of babyish stuff, feeds, wet beds nappy changes and so on. So the baby stuff doesnt actually scare me as i ve done it of a fashion. Will be buying shares in Tomy Tippee at this rate :p. New lasses kids are 15 and 6, so is a bigger age gap and something new with teenagers. Eldest is shy and a total slob, his dad did a runner when he was young and no one knows where he is. Youngests Dad is in Mancs and has him from time to time, have picked both up fom school and college when I can and get on with them both. Teenager is harder to connect to, but is cool nonetheless and will be better when can get him interested in something as staying in his room festering is not helping him long term.  Youngest is Dinosaurs, Transformers and Minecraft agogo,, :)

 

Her, is very strange, basically left to fend for her self after last partner upped and left to Mancs not long after birth of youngest, been single for a while, likes much of the same stuff but struggles with things as isnt used to having a partner who gives a crap. and thus is a bit insular at times, being laid off twice in 6 weeks hasnt helped either as she's temping . Before the Preg thing came up things were going well, times out couply stuff and cinema, walks out etc. Now is me doing all of the driving, even for some thing simple as pinning down stay over or a coffee or something and it's hard work. I've been there in several previous relationships and I dont want to do that again, because long term the only person who really suffers is me, and that's not right for a happy relationship.

Ill keep trying and if she is and then the relationship changes then great, can work on it. If the relationship doesnt change and she is then will have a life long bond and responsibilities but i dont think the who being together for the kid is a good idea either.

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I got my girlfriend pregnant after a month of seeing each other. We've been together two and half years now.

 

I actually don't think it was the worst thing in the world. We were totally in love from the get go and it just felt right really. Getting rid of the baby never ever came up despite my missus dreading my reaction to her telling me she was pregnant I was absolutely delighted as I've always wanted to be a father. Our little one turns 18 months at the end of April. It's been hard but it's been absolutely amazing at the same time.

 

As for solely talking about the pregnancy you just need to keep getting to know each other. It will dominate conversation most of the time but just do it over a nice meal out, or go to the cinema. Normal couple stuff. Maybe you can spend a bit of time with her other kids too? I don't think it'll be as much of a problem as you're expecting. But maybe I was lucky.

 

If it comes back and it's still a big if, then be happy and concentrate on being a dad. I think that was something I struggled with. I was 22 at the time and still wanted to keep up my partying and everything and still have to a degree. I've only recently cut it down. Being a father is the best feeling in the world and I'm sure you'll think the same when the time comes.

 

Not sure if there's any advice in there haha. But I've been through it. Just stick to doing couple like things. If she is pregnant it will come around quickly, so continue getting to know each other and spending time together as you won't get much time when the little one is there!

Hey, cheers for the reply. I've been a proxy dad to a 3 and 5 year old (18 months and 3 at start of the relationship) in my relationship with the somewhat psychotic ex, so have plenty of experience in terms of babyish stuff, feeds, wet beds nappy changes and so on. So the baby stuff doesnt actually scare me as i ve done it of a fashion. Will be buying shares in Tomy Tippee at this rate :p. New lasses kids are 15 and 6, so is a bigger age gap and something new with teenagers. Eldest is shy and a total slob, his dad did a runner when he was young and no one knows where he is. Youngests Dad is in Mancs and has him from time to time, have picked both up fom school and college when I can and get on with them both. Teenager is harder to connect to, but is cool nonetheless and will be better when can get him interested in something as staying in his room festering is not helping him long term. Youngest is Dinosaurs, Transformers and Minecraft agogo,, :)

 

Her, is very strange, basically left to fend for her self after last partner upped and left to Mancs not long after birth of youngest, been single for a while, likes much of the same stuff but struggles with things as isnt used to having a partner who gives a crap. and thus is a bit insular at times, being laid off twice in 6 weeks hasnt helped either as she's temping . Before the Preg thing came up things were going well, times out couply stuff and cinema, walks out etc. Now is me doing all of the driving, even for some thing simple as pinning down stay over or a coffee or something and it's hard work. I've been there in several previous relationships and I dont want to do that again, because long term the only person who really suffers is me, and that's not right for a happy relationship.

Ill keep trying and if she is and then the relationship changes then great, can work on it. If the relationship doesnt change and she is then will have a life long bond and responsibilities but i dont think the who being together for the kid is a good idea either.

My mistake mate, I wasn't aware :). Can't believe you want another one haha. I'm pretty settled on the one! Fair play to you though!

 

I would say you are already aware of the signals of how this could go wrong. Hopefully it's just to do with the pregnancy stuff and everything will turn out okay. There's absolutely no need for you to stay in a relationship if you're suffering though. You already know that. It's one thing staying to help and hoping it changes, but if it doesn't then you need to put yourself first and stay on good terms if possible. Obviously having a kid would intensify all of the above but it's still all relevant. See what happens, but you seem pretty clear on it already! Sometimes you have to put yourself first, and if there is a child, I'm sure you'll do what's right by them as well.

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My wife was an absolute nightmare every time she fell pregnant, so much so that I actually knew before her the last time she was pregnant because of the way her moods were. Just something to think about in terms of relationship stuff, bitches be acting crazy n' shit. They can't help it.

 

As for kids, teach them how to sell like Flair and you'll never grow bored of them.

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  • 2 months later...

So My Mrs is awfully sweet, generous and caring but she puts an awful amount of weight into what people think about her. She is a bit insecure that way.

 

She can tend to boast a little bit about stuff she's done. But she caught a new work colleague rolling her eyes at her last week when she was talking. More or less mocking her.

 

She was awfully hurt by it and the bigger problem is that my Mrs was the favourite amongst her colleagues until this new person started whom they all now love.

 

My Mrs is dreading work tomorrow, I've given her the usual generic pep talk but does anybody else have any advise ?

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