The Relationship Thread

[Dai]

On a trivial, unrelated point, but what supermarket in 2026 prints statements of what you've spent on a staff discount card? I worked in retail for years and have never heard the like, and im talking 15 years ago when you still got paper pay slips.

 

On a second, related point. I think all of us here have had plenty of experience in similar things (with ourselves and others), so the odds of you posting back here in a few months saying you've patched things up with her and are back talking again are probably 90% likely. Then a few months after that the cycle will repeat. 

[Tamura]

31 minutes ago, Dai said:

On a trivial, unrelated point, but what supermarket in 2026 prints statements of what you've spent on a staff discount card? I worked in retail for years and have never heard the like, and im talking 15 years ago when you still got paper pay slips.

It was just the general Tesco Clubcard statement (with vouchers) that everyone gets through the post. When I saw on the front of the leaflet there was £16 in vouchers I knew she'd obviously been on a spending spree (over £1400 between mid-May and late July), so looked on my employee app to have a delve as on the general shopping app I only see my own Clubcard activity. Before yesterday I didn't even know I could see her activity, I read about being liable for other people using the second card and thought it strange I could be held liable for something I've no knowledge of so decided I'd better cover my back and look into what's been going on.

Edited August 14 by Tamura

[Jazzy G]

This past weekend was four years since I left my ex. I still remember my friend ringing me that morning and telling me to have clothes and Sapphire ready to go when she came to pick me up on her lunch hour. It was fun sneaking in and "burgling" my old flat with another friend that same night.

I'm in a better place now, and feel like much more of a team with Vicky. Last night we put both our contact numbers on the tag we ordered for the dog we're fostering.

Yes, I'm struggling in my new home, but that's a me problem, not a relationship problem and Vicky has been coming over to help me with it all when she can. I'm getting there, and have also been unlearning so many behaviours I'd had conditioned into me during that time mostly through Vicky showing me how ridiculous they are. It's great to be with somebody who doesn't threaten to break up with me every time I have an opinion of my own, and in fact asks what my thoughts are whenever we're making a decision on stuff. 

[Chris B]

On 8/14/2026 at 12:27 PM, Tamura said:

It was just the general Tesco Clubcard statement (with vouchers) that everyone gets through the post. When I saw on the front of the leaflet there was £16 in vouchers I knew she'd obviously been on a spending spree (over £1400 between mid-May and late July), so looked on my employee app to have a delve as on the general shopping app I only see my own Clubcard activity. Before yesterday I didn't even know I could see her activity, I read about being liable for other people using the second card and thought it strange I could be held liable for something I've no knowledge of so decided I'd better cover my back and look into what's been going on.

Honestly, this isn't sounding like particularly healthy behaviour. Sainsbury's isn't going to be shocked or see it as outrageous if someone's spending £120 a week on stuff - while you know it's more than she can afford by herself, it's not like it's a shocking amount either. 

Yes, it sounds like she's taking some advantage. But it also sounds like you're really hung up on this right now - which is understandable, but when it gets to monitoring her activity, that's definitely wandering into unhealthy territory. And this is some pretty thin excuse to be doing so.

Right now, it doesn't sound like *you* want to be friends either. Which is fine. This hasn't worked out. It sucks. But it sounds like, if there is any friendship to be gained there, some distance is no bad thing. Take some time, let the sting fall out of it, then decide what you want to do.

[Tamura]

On 8/14/2026 at 7:55 AM, CTXRussomark said:

You're obviously still hoping for a reconciliation of some sort (even if it's just as friends) but she's clearly shown her hand here 

I lost any interest in being any more than friends the second she told me about meeting someone else while she knew I was in hospital, especially when that also meant she lied to me when we originally broke up.
 

1 hour ago, Chris B said:

Yes, it sounds like she's taking some advantage. But it also sounds like you're really hung up on this right now - which is understandable, but when it gets to monitoring her activity, that's definitely wandering into unhealthy territory.

I'm not monitoring her activity, in fact I unfollowed (but not unfriended) her on social media because I have zero interest in seeing certain things she's posting about right now. When I gave her the card I told her it was just for her use, and she said she wouldn't take the piss. But if I get a statement through the post that shows she is taking the piss, I don't believe it's in any way unreasonable for me to do something about it, like cancelling her card. Her and the new boyfriend can stand on their own four feet, without taking advantage of my kindness.

[Zaheer]

Cancel the card and never re-engage with this person on any level. They will leverage your kind nature to be used when convenient and beneficial to them.
Harsh words but block, delete, move on. No good will come from pursuing this.

As you get older, you realise "effort" is never confusing. Her boyfriend has all her effort and interest, look what she's doing for him. She'd make the same effort for you if she wanted to. There's no internal logic rhyme or reason to emotion - the phrase "if they wanted to , they would" comes to mind. She clearly does - just not for you.

 

Nothing good will come from pursuing it, but EVERYTHING good will come from moving on.