The Relationship Thread

[choccygirl]

Sorry to hear that @Gay as FOOK - no advice to add other than to take your time, talk to people when you need to and as time allows, try to focus on new opportunities and beginnings. I hope you’re as ok as you can be. Be gentle with yourself.

[The Gaffer]

Cheers!

Even though you ruined my brilliant dad joke by swooping in with that post when I was responding to the one before it!

Edited April 1, 2023 by Gay as FOOK

[Joe Blog]

16 hours ago, Joe Blog said:

you also have us but that is probably a negative you don’t need to hear right now.

 

13 hours ago, The Masked Poster said:

 

Sorry to hear, She sounds a bitch - could be the making of you

 

There it is

[Tommy!]

13 hours ago, The Masked Poster said:

Out of curiosity how old are you?

There's always one trying and catch people on the rebound.

[Keith Houchen]

32 minutes ago, Tommy! said:

There's always one trying and catch people on the rebound.

It’s when the request for side on pics start you know it’s trouble. 

[Devon Malcolm]

14 hours ago, The Masked Poster said:

Sorry to hear, She sounds a bitch

 

14 hours ago, The Masked Poster said:

Out of curiosity how old are you?

Right back atcha.

[King Coconut]

On 4/1/2023 at 3:22 PM, Gay as FOOK said:

I told her that I understood how my inaction over the last while set the table for the cheating.

I can understand why you might say that during such a conversation but I'm sure you'll come to realise that it's not true. You are in absolutely no way responsible for the interactions of other people with other people.

[The Gaffer]

1 hour ago, King Coconut said:

I can understand why you might say that during such a conversation but I'm sure you'll come to realise that it's not true. You are in absolutely no way responsible for the interactions of other people with other people.

Admittedly I leveraged that thought in the bargaining phase. Importance on the phrasing of setting the table. Essentially even once knowing what she done, I was willing to try and make it work for us if she reckoned we just weren't getting out of our shell and trying new things enough.

Now, though? Yeah, fuck that for a game of toy soldiers. We could have lived like a fucking Vice documentary over the last year and this probably still would have happened as she's simply changed massively. That's far easier to swallow anyway. 

There'll be good days and bad days I know, but over the last two days I've honestly been feeling really good. Getting my shit packed down and on the road south (!) is proving to be quite efficient and my phone's lit up none stop with people who are dying to see me. I'm honestly really fortunate and completely humbled by it. 

All in all, a net success. 

[Chest Rockwell]

Really sorry to read about this whole ordeal but glad to see you are taking it all in your stride really well (as much as is possible anyway) and from the sounds of it you've got a great support network.

[SuperBacon]

Got officially divorced today.

Did what any grown up pairing would do and took the girls to dinner.

Shit happens, and life doesn't always go the way you originally planned.

You can either let these types of things define your life and rue things or understand that you both have two wonderful children together that you love more than anything, enjoy each others company like you always did, but just don't love each other anymore. Oh well. Get on with it.

I can't imagine the mother of my children not being an ever present in my life so I'd always want to be friends, but everyone is different I guess. My parents hated each other mostly through their marriage and subsequent divorce and it was shit.

"Are you sad?" "Well I'm a bit preoccupied with this Kane situation at the moment to really think about it. Ask me in a week or so" 

Didn't go down well. No wonder we're divorced. 

[deathrey]

I know we only see a snippet of your life here @SuperBaconbut from what you share and the way you talk about your ex I think you guys are what young people refer to as 'goals' for a seperated couple. Its wonderful that you can still be friends and care for each other even though you are not together and the biggest winners in it all are your children. I hope today hasn't been too sad for you and it's just the beginning of your next chapter.

Edited August 3, 2023 by deathrey

[Matthew]

So I’ve a couple things I don’t know I can discuss anywhere else, but this is fairly anonymous so works well.

I broke up with an ex 4yrs ago. We’d been together 6yrs. We fell out of love, and were more friends towards the end. We kept arguing, and she had found somebody else.

I now have a girlfriend, in a 2yr relationship with her, and my ex has just broken up with the guy she left me for.

We’ve always stayed amicable and friendly, which is just as well as she lives in the same block of flats as me. 

Today we had a catch up, nothing more, where we spoke about her break up, and catching up on our families, and there were remnants in there of happy times we’d had when together.

Throughout our time together, we’d discussed having kids. She wanted them. I didn’t at that point. Now I want them, and she’s been put off from her last relationship.

My current girlfriend and I are going well, we’re strong, but she has outright said she might never want kids, but hopes that will change one day. We’re also considering moving in together soon.

I guess my concern is, thinking of the happy times with the ex, and knowing how I’ve improved on myself since our break up, with issues that contributed towards us breaking up, no longer an issue, those thoughts and feelings arise, and probably always will be, as she was my first serious relationship

[DavidB6937]

4 hours ago, Matthew said:

I guess my concern is, thinking of the happy times with the ex, and knowing how I’ve improved on myself since our break up, with issues that contributed towards us breaking up, no longer an issue, those thoughts and feelings arise, and probably always will be, as she was my first serious relationship

I think that's perfectly natural for a lot of people. Not just for first relationships but for any previous relationships. You'll always have memories. And with those you'll always have some sort of emotional connection there. That's just natural. You're not a robot. You don't get to pick and choose what to feel and when.

But it's understanding that the existence of those thoughts and feelings doesn't mean you should go back. Or even try to go back. That's not what they mean. Sounds like you've got a good thing going now so don't get caught up in your own head.

[SuperBacon]

7 hours ago, deathrey said:

I know we only see a snippet of your life here @SuperBaconbut from what you share and the way you talk about your ex I think you guys arguehat young people refer to as 'goals' for a seperated couple. Its wonderful that you can still be friends and care for each other even though you are not together and the biggest winners in it all are your children. I hope today hasn't been too sad for you and it's just the beginning of your next chapter.

I am incredibly lucky that our marriage ended amicably and that the mother of my children is a genuinely wonderful person. Of course it was rough at first but the cliche that 'time heals' is absolutely true.

Also we've been separated for a while, so it's not as if any of this is out of the blue. Just a different box you have to tick on a form innit?

 

[Matthew]

So I’ve been with my girlfriend for just over 2yrs. We had been talking about moving in together. As part of this, I felt it important to discuss long term plans. I want children, she doesn’t, and doesn’t know if that’ll ever change.

She had decided that I should make a decision on if I can take the risk of staying with her, knowing her mind may never change. After careful consideration I advised her that I could.

We have had a couple of rough weeks, and she’s distanced herself a little.

She went out on Friday, and got drunk for the first time in ages, and ended up kissing another guy.

She told me first thing Saturday morning.

I’ve advised that I’m willing to move forward and fight for our relationship, but she has said she needs time and can’t forgive herself for it. And has essentially cut me out, asking for space.

I am absolutely heartbroken, and devastated. I have had trust issues in the past, and dropped them completely for her, and now I’m an absolute mess following this shit weekend.