The Relationship Thread

[Mr_Danger]

Yeah, without hearing her side and trying not to be too judgemental some of that makes her sound like a bit of a nightmare, at least to me anyway.

Sometimes people just like the newness of it all, the planning and plotting, the learning about each other etc. There’s also this expectation of ‘the one’ you settle down with and give up all first dates for being absolutely 100% perfect and right for you which is obviously very rare. 

[Tamura]

Laura isn't her real name, which is slightly unusual so decided to err on the side of caution and not use it. I'm too old for all this any more. Feel like I've done nothing wrong, and come out of things worse off than when I started.

Me and Laura go back a long way, probably close to 15 years. We didn't see each other for a long time but we kept in touch occasionally. Never thought of her as a potential girlfriend or anything, I've been on my own for a long time and had no real problem with that, I always tend to mess up relationships so gave up looking after the last failure. Met up with her again for the first time in about ten years a couple of years ago, was going to be a gig in London and met up with her and her boyfriend for a few drinks and it was really good. So good we did it again a few months later. Then I was going to be in London for the sumo wrestling around the time of her birthday, so decided to surprise her by taking her for a birthday lunch at a really posh restaurant, and gave her a present I'd got for her when I was in Ireland a couple of weeks before. By this time she'd split up with the boyfriend as he'd been abusing her, and she'd been living in a women's refuge for nine months. So she wasn't feeling great about things at that time obviously, so I think me spoiling her made her really happy. Still no sign of romance on the horizon, I was just being a friend.

Then I arranged to go to London in February this year for a little celebration for my birthday. We went out for a meal, and ended up at a pub after. We were really close and she asked me to kiss her, and things developed from there. It wasn't the best celebration as I was a bit ill that day. I didn't feel great before I set off to London but was determined not to miss my birthday celebration with Laura, but as the afternoon went on I was really ill and spent ages puking (turns out I had COVID for the second time in six months, which for me always involves a 12 hour puking marathon to start). So as much as I wanted to kiss her I also wanted to hold back a bit for obvious reasons. By early evening we were at the train station waiting for my train home, and I didn't even get to give her the really big thank you kiss for the amazing afternoon as I was on the verge of puking again, and being a gentleman I didn't want to puke all over her.

So I went back home and although I hadn't gone in to the day expecting anything to happen I was kind of happy, although I wasn't sure what I wanted to happen next and neither of us were sure if we wanted a relationship. Over the next few months we started chatting more and more, including really long video chats so not just exchanging messages. There was a theatre show (not Shakespeare or anything formal like that, more a crazy political show) I wanted to go and see in London, that I'd been trying to go and see since 2020 when the Leeds performance got cancelled because of COVID. It was for early June and I asked Laura if she wanted to come with me, and we decided it was going to be our first date. I was also trying to arrange a quick meet-up before I went to Seattle, as I was getting a Thursday morning flight from Heathrow so I'd be staying in London the night before. She was supposed to be moving out of the refuge that week, so wasn't sure if she'd be able to manage it at first but eventually we got it arranged and met up for a couple of hours in London. It was perfect. I held her hands and looked in her eyes and told her how I felt and she just melted and told me she felt the same way. Chemistry was really good, I wasn't puking up all over the place, things were going well.

While I was in Seattle things were great, we were video chatting whenever I was back at the hotel. Her housing situation was messed up though. She'd moved out of the refuge on Friday and into her new flat, well that was the theory anyway. For some reason they hadn't got round to turning the electricity back on, and that also meant the gas was off as the gas boiler needs electricity to work. So the housing association were actually paying for her to stay in a hotel while all this was being sorted out, only they weren't particularly great at sorting it out. Now this is where everything starts coming off the rails. For some reason there was a discrepancy on all the paperwork involving the electricity supply, the account in her name was set up for a different building on the same street with a totally different postcode. I don't know why the housing association never pointed this out at the beginning, because it meant engineers sent to connect the electricity were going to the wrong building, getting no answer, and going away again without fixing anything. I was originally supposed to land in London from Seattle and get the train back to Yorkshire, how I wish I'd done that now. Instead Laura asked if I wanted to stay with her for a few days after I got back, as I was keen spend time with her I agreed obviously.

I land back on Wednesday morning in London, after taking off in Seattle on Tuesday afternoon. So kind of tired as planes aren't great for getting lots of sleep and obviously my body clock was all over the place after going across so many time zones. End up waiting for Laura for an hour outside the tube station close to where she was staying, as after waking up and telling me to get in touch when I was leaving Heathrow she'd fallen asleep again with her phone on silent. To say I wasn't impressed after a nine hour flight would be a bit of an understatement. But anyway, drop my bags off at her hotel then we have to go and meet up with Laura's mum who's visiting London for the day. We spent the whole afternoon in the pub with them two getting drunk, I wasn't drinking as I was exhausted. When we got back to the hotel things probably got a bit more intense than I'd have preferred, but Laura was drunk and we both lost control is probably the fairest way to put it. The next day she was checking out of the hotel and supposed to be going to live in the flat, as furniture was being delivered (don't ask me why they moved her in to a flat five days before the furniture arrived) and hopefully electricity turned on. I spent most of the day assembling the furniture and on the phone arguing with the electricity people, as Laura was sick of the arguments with them going round and round in circles. They'd ask for photos of the electricity meter even though she'd already sent them the day before, and it turns out the electricity meter they were trying to activate was one with a completely different serial number to the one in her building (this goes back to what I said earlier, they were trying to activate a meter in a totally different building that was nothing to do with Laura). So after waiting for an electricity engineer who never showed up (again, the different building problem) we ended up spending the night in the flat with no proper lighting (she had a small lamp in the hall that she was powering using a socket in the hallway outside the flat) or hot water or anything, as obviously still no gas either. Friday was just the same again. It felt like I spent the entire day on the phone arguing with the electricity people before we finally got power on just before 8pm. Only electricity though, so no hot water due to still having no gas.

One of Laura's friends died earlier this year of cancer, and on Saturday she had a girls' night out planned to remember her on what would have been her birthday. Obviously I knew this was a special night for her, so I wanted to do what I could to make it go well, like making sure she could have a hot shower and wash her hair and all that. So as she couldn't get in touch with the housing association people before they went home on Friday (she was going to ask if they'd put her back in the hotel as the flat situation was still messed up at that point), I paid for us to spend two nights back at the hotel. I wasn't asked, I did it without a second thought, money didn't matter when it's something that important to Laura. I knew that the previous couple of days hadn't gone particularly well between us, but when what I really wanted to do was just spend time with Laura and be close to her and just talk to her all I found myself doing was trying to fix the giant mess she was in with the flat, so I lost sight of the big picture. So she was going to go to her girls' night out, and I was going to go to a gig. She messages me about an hour after she arrived at her thing saying she'd forgotten her teeth (she has a couple of false ones), I offered to bring them to her. She offered to meet me at the train station near the hotel, I said no I'll come to London Bridge (where she was) so she doesn't miss as much of her night out. Thought I might have earned a few brownie points there. Only no.

When she gets back to the hotel later she breaks up with me, saying the time wasn't right for her and her mental health wasn't good and she didn't want a relationship right now. I didn't want to try and argue with her because of that, as I'd known things hadn't gone particularly well over the previous couple of days so knew I'd only probably drive her further away if I'd tried. I figured just leave things for now, rewind, reset and keep spending time together occasionally and hopefully a better time would come. Laura didn't help things when I wouldn't let her smoke in the room (I wasn't getting fined as well as paying a fortune for the room), so she swans off down to the hotel lobby and ends up drinking down there with some random people she'd just met for most of the next three hours. As you can imagine, this makes me feel really confused as to what's going on. Fair enough if she didn't want a relationship, but the message she was sending was that she'd rather spend time with random strangers she'd just met than with me (who she loved, allegedly). The next day involved another argument, as I wasn't in the mood to let her sleep off her drinking session when we had to check out on time (or be charged extra). So after we got back to her flat I packed up my stuff that I'd left there and said I was going to get the train home. I was originally supposed to stay until Friday. I changed that to Monday as I didn't want to leave her to deal with all the flat situation on her own as she wasn't coping at all well. But I was so pissed off by that point that I decided to go straight home rather than wait another day. So we didn't leave things on particularly good terms.

I tried to build a bridge with her a few days later saying we just had a different perspective on things, she replies with just "We definitely have a different perspective on things". So I figure just leave things for now. A couple of weeks later it my was payday at work, I get 15% off (normally 10%) all weekend as Laura has my spare card (perfectly allowed by work) she also gets the discount. So I message her to let her know, she replies saying she's sorry how we left things and she's sad that a 15 year friendship seems dead in the water. So we talk a bit and things seem a bit better. I ask what she wants to do about the theatre trip, she asks if we can play it by ear. I say sure there's no need to commit to anything just yet, as she had a lot going on as her grandma died recently and as a result her dad had got back it touch (they hadn't even spoken for years and years). I said I would be happy if we just met up for a drink and she didn't come to the theatre too (a small lie, but just wanted to see her even if it was for a little while as we'd left things so badly before). But in the end her dad ended up staying with her for a few days so we didn't meet up at all. And I didn't go to London either, since what was originally supposed to be our special first date would have meant travelling to London (on my own), then going to the hotel I was staying at (on my own), then waiting around for a few hours before the show started (on my own), then going to the show (on my own, and just to hammer it home I'd have an empty seat next to me), then going back to the hotel (on my own), then checking out of the hotel and waiting around in London before getting my train home (on my own). Figured that was just going to be a bad idea, so stayed at home instead. Obviously I normally travel all over the place on my own and don't mind that, but doing it this time would have made me feel awful.

So we were kind of in limbo. I wanted to see her but was going to probably have to wait until her birthday in a few months. I figured if we were going to be together I'd need to start again from scratch, and take things really slow and just spend time together and hope something happened. I was happy to wait as long as I needed to, didn't care if it was months, a year or longer as I know that me and Laura could be really good together. Then I go into the hospital the other Friday. And I hear from lots of other friends, but nothing from Laura until Tuesday (I think, maybe Monday but definitely a long delay). That day she tries calling me a couple of times, but as I was in hospital I really didn't want to have a conversation in front of the other patients. So she sends me a message saying she's met someone. She says how he's "very special", the unspoken part of that sentence being "and you weren't, despite everything I said to you". So I'm lying in a hospital bed feeling pretty much crushed at this point. She knew I was going to be badly hurt by her meeting someone else, so I don't know why she couldn't have at least waited until I was out of hospital. Then she's saying the chemistry wasn't right between us. I agreed the chemistry wasn't great the few days we spent together (mainly because I was dealing with the flat situation rather than just being with her like I wanted to be) but it was great on my birthday and before I flew to Seattle. But I know at this point we're over permanently, as even if she wanted to get back together at some point in the future I doubt I could trust her not to break my heart again. So I just feel like I had happiness dangled in front of my face before having it snatched away without even getting a fair chance. And more than that I've lost my closest friend too as she's really distant from me now. We were such good friends before this, and now it seems like we're totally done.

Edited July 6 by Tamura

[Jazzy G]

Double post. Bugger. 

Edited July 6 by Jazzy G

[Jazzy G]

That's brutal. As I was reading I did wonder whether it might have been that things were a bit fraught becauae of having to deal with those phone calls and the like for her, because that sounds like it would have been very stressful, but to then tell you about having met someone while you're in hospital is particularly disrespectful. 

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hope you feel better soon in terms of the hospital stuff. 

[Briefcase]

12 hours ago, Tamura said:

Laura isn't her real name, which is slightly unusual so decided to err on the side of caution and not use it. I'm too old for all this any more. Feel like I've done nothing wrong, and come out of things worse off than when I started.

Me and Laura go back a long way, probably close to 15 years. We didn't see each other for a long time but we kept in touch occasionally. Never thought of her as a potential girlfriend or anything, I've been on my own for a long time and had no real problem with that, I always tend to mess up relationships so gave up looking after the last failure. Met up with her again for the first time in about ten years a couple of years ago, was going to be a gig in London and met up with her and her boyfriend for a few drinks and it was really good. So good we did it again a few months later. Then I was going to be in London for the sumo wrestling around the time of her birthday, so decided to surprise her by taking her for a birthday lunch at a really posh restaurant, and gave her a present I'd got for her when I was in Ireland a couple of weeks before. By this time she'd split up with the boyfriend as he'd been abusing her, and she'd been living in a women's refuge for nine months. So she wasn't feeling great about things at that time obviously, so I think me spoiling her made her really happy. Still no sign of romance on the horizon, I was just being a friend.

Then I arranged to go to London in February this year for a little celebration for my birthday. We went out for a meal, and ended up at a pub after. We were really close and she asked me to kiss her, and things developed from there. It wasn't the best celebration as I was a bit ill that day. I didn't feel great before I set off to London but was determined not to miss my birthday celebration with Laura, but as the afternoon went on I was really ill and spent ages puking (turns out I had COVID for the second time in six months, which for me always involves a 12 hour puking marathon to start). So as much as I wanted to kiss her I also wanted to hold back a bit for obvious reasons. By early evening we were at the train station waiting for my train home, and I didn't even get to give her the really big thank you kiss for the amazing afternoon as I was on the verge of puking again, and being a gentleman I didn't want to puke all over her.

So I went back home and although I hadn't gone in to the day expecting anything to happen I was kind of happy, although I wasn't sure what I wanted to happen next and neither of us were sure if we wanted a relationship. Over the next few months we started chatting more and more, including really long video chats so not just exchanging messages. There was a theatre show (not Shakespeare or anything formal like that, more a crazy political show) I wanted to go and see in London, that I'd been trying to go and see since 2020 when the Leeds performance got cancelled because of COVID. It was for early June and I asked Laura if she wanted to come with me, and we decided it was going to be our first date. I was also trying to arrange a quick meet-up before I went to Seattle, as I was getting a Thursday morning flight from Heathrow so I'd be staying in London the night before. She was supposed to be moving out of the refuge that week, so wasn't sure if she'd be able to manage it at first but eventually we got it arranged and met up for a couple of hours in London. It was perfect. I held her hands and looked in her eyes and told her how I felt and she just melted and told me she felt the same way. Chemistry was really good, I wasn't puking up all over the place, things were going well.

While I was in Seattle things were great, we were video chatting whenever I was back at the hotel. Her housing situation was messed up though. She'd moved out of the refuge on Friday and into her new flat, well that was the theory anyway. For some reason they hadn't got round to turning the electricity back on, and that also meant the gas was off as the gas boiler needs electricity to work. So the housing association were actually paying for her to stay in a hotel while all this was being sorted out, only they weren't particularly great at sorting it out. Now this is where everything starts coming off the rails. For some reason there was a discrepancy on all the paperwork involving the electricity supply, the account in her name was set up for a different building on the same street with a totally different postcode. I don't know why the housing association never pointed this out at the beginning, because it meant engineers sent to connect the electricity were going to the wrong building, getting no answer, and going away again without fixing anything. I was originally supposed to land in London from Seattle and get the train back to Yorkshire, how I wish I'd done that now. Instead Laura asked if I wanted to stay with her for a few days after I got back, as I was keen spend time with her I agreed obviously.

I land back on Wednesday morning in London, after taking off in Seattle on Tuesday afternoon. So kind of tired as planes aren't great for getting lots of sleep and obviously my body clock was all over the place after going across so many time zones. End up waiting for Laura for an hour outside the tube station close to where she was staying, as after waking up and telling me to get in touch when I was leaving Heathrow she'd fallen asleep again with her phone on silent. To say I wasn't impressed after a nine hour flight would be a bit of an understatement. But anyway, drop my bags off at her hotel then we have to go and meet up with Laura's mum who's visiting London for the day. We spent the whole afternoon in the pub with them two getting drunk, I wasn't drinking as I was exhausted. When we got back to the hotel things probably got a bit more intense than I'd have preferred, but Laura was drunk and we both lost control is probably the fairest way to put it. The next day she was checking out of the hotel and supposed to be going to live in the flat, as furniture was being delivered (don't ask me why they moved her in to a flat five days before the furniture arrived) and hopefully electricity turned on. I spent most of the day assembling the furniture and on the phone arguing with the electricity people, as Laura was sick of the arguments with them going round and round in circles. They'd ask for photos of the electricity meter even though she'd already sent them the day before, and it turns out the electricity meter they were trying to activate was one with a completely different serial number to the one in her building (this goes back to what I said earlier, they were trying to activate a meter in a totally different building that was nothing to do with Laura). So after waiting for an electricity engineer who never showed up (again, the different building problem) we ended up spending the night in the flat with no proper lighting (she had a small lamp in the hall that she was powering using a socket in the hallway outside the flat) or hot water or anything, as obviously still no gas either. Friday was just the same again. It felt like I spent the entire day on the phone arguing with the electricity people before we finally got power on just before 8pm. Only electricity though, so no hot water due to still having no gas.

One of Laura's friends died earlier this year of cancer, and on Saturday she had a girls' night out planned to remember her on what would have been her birthday. Obviously I knew this was a special night for her, so I wanted to do what I could to make it go well, like making sure she could have a hot shower and wash her hair and all that. So as she couldn't get in touch with the housing association people before they went home on Friday (she was going to ask if they'd put her back in the hotel as the flat situation was still messed up at that point), I paid for us to spend two nights back at the hotel. I wasn't asked, I did it without a second thought, money didn't matter when it's something that important to Laura. I knew that the previous couple of days hadn't gone particularly well between us, but when what I really wanted to do was just spend time with Laura and be close to her and just talk to her all I found myself doing was trying to fix the giant mess she was in with the flat, so I lost sight of the big picture. So she was going to go to her girls' night out, and I was going to go to a gig. She messages me about an hour after she arrived at her thing saying she'd forgotten her teeth (she has a couple of false ones), I offered to bring them to her. She offered to meet me at the train station near the hotel, I said no I'll come to London Bridge (where she was) so she doesn't miss as much of her night out. Thought I might have earned a few brownie points there. Only no.

When she gets back to the hotel later she breaks up with me, saying the time wasn't right for her and her mental health wasn't good and she didn't want a relationship right now. I didn't want to try and argue with her because of that, as I'd known things hadn't gone particularly well over the previous couple of days so knew I'd only probably drive her further away if I'd tried. I figured just leave things for now, rewind, reset and keep spending time together occasionally and hopefully a better time would come. Laura didn't help things when I wouldn't let her smoke in the room (I wasn't getting fined as well as paying a fortune for the room), so she swans off down to the hotel lobby and ends up drinking down there with some random people she'd just met for most of the next three hours. As you can imagine, this makes me feel really confused as to what's going on. Fair enough if she didn't want a relationship, but the message she was sending was that she'd rather spend time with random strangers she'd just met than with me (who she loved, allegedly). The next day involved another argument, as I wasn't in the mood to let her sleep off her drinking session when we had to check out on time (or be charged extra). So after we got back to her flat I packed up my stuff that I'd left there and said I was going to get the train home. I was originally supposed to stay until Friday. I changed that to Monday as I didn't want to leave her to deal with all the flat situation on her own as she wasn't coping at all well. But I was so pissed off by that point that I decided to go straight home rather than wait another day. So we didn't leave things on particularly good terms.

I tried to build a bridge with her a few days later saying we just had a different perspective on things, she replies with just "We definitely have a different perspective on things". So I figure just leave things for now. A couple of weeks later it my was payday at work, I get 15% off (normally 10%) all weekend as Laura has my spare card (perfectly allowed by work) she also gets the discount. So I message her to let her know, she replies saying she's sorry how we left things and she's sad that a 15 year friendship seems dead in the water. So we talk a bit and things seem a bit better. I ask what she wants to do about the theatre trip, she asks if we can play it by ear. I say sure there's no need to commit to anything just yet, as she had a lot going on as her grandma died recently and as a result her dad had got back it touch (they hadn't even spoken for years and years). I said I would be happy if we just met up for a drink and she didn't come to the theatre too (a small lie, but just wanted to see her even if it was for a little while as we'd left things so badly before). But in the end her dad ended up staying with her for a few days so we didn't meet up at all. And I didn't go to London either, since what was originally supposed to be our special first date would have meant travelling to London (on my own), then going to the hotel I was staying at (on my own), then waiting around for a few hours before the show started (on my own), then going to the show (on my own, and just to hammer it home I'd have an empty seat next to me), then going back to the hotel (on my own), then checking out of the hotel and waiting around in London before getting my train home (on my own). Figured that was just going to be a bad idea, so stayed at home instead. Obviously I normally travel all over the place on my own and don't mind that, but doing it this time would have made me feel awful.

So we were kind of in limbo. I wanted to see her but was going to probably have to wait until her birthday in a few months. I figured if we were going to be together I'd need to start again from scratch, and take things really slow and just spend time together and hope something happened. I was happy to wait as long as I needed to, didn't care if it was months, a year or longer as I know that me and Laura could be really good together. Then I go into the hospital the other Friday. And I hear from lots of other friends, but nothing from Laura until Tuesday (I think, maybe Monday but definitely a long delay). That day she tries calling me a couple of times, but as I was in hospital I really didn't want to have a conversation in front of the other patients. So she sends me a message saying she's met someone. She says how he's "very special", the unspoken part of that sentence being "and you weren't, despite everything I said to you". So I'm lying in a hospital bed feeling pretty much crushed at this point. She knew I was going to be badly hurt by her meeting someone else, so I don't know why she couldn't have at least waited until I was out of hospital. Then she's saying the chemistry wasn't right between us. I agreed the chemistry wasn't great the few days we spent together (mainly because I was dealing with the flat situation rather than just being with her like I wanted to be) but it was great on my birthday and before I flew to Seattle. But I know at this point we're over permanently, as even if she wanted to get back together at some point in the future I doubt I could trust her not to break my heart again. So I just feel like I had happiness dangled in front of my face before having it snatched away without even getting a fair chance. And more than that I've lost my closest friend too as she's really distant from me now. We were such good friends before this, and now it seems like we're totally done.

Sorry to hear this, my response will probably be really shit (tiredness after watching the game last night) but I mean well...

I have been through similar myself with a 'close girl mate' and the relationship/friendship balance and the thought of losing either (or both) is always difficult and a tough one to take.

If it helps you can take comfort knowing you did the best you could as a friend and by giving her the space/time needed in those difficult moments between friendship/relationship, also you opened up how you felt and was honest with her (and probably yourself) which might not mean anything now, but if you were friends and didn't say anything then there is always the 'What If' hanging over everything. 

Not that I am judging her but comes across like she's been through her own issues and for reasons you may not even know may explain why she's acted the way she has. 

The hard part is now working out what happens when she inevitably contacts you again 'needing you as a friend', naturally and being a good natured person you will want to be there for her, but obviously you don't want to be hurt by her again or fall into the trap of feelings/emotions clouding your judgement. Maybe set your boundaries now, whether that's to be a friend when/if she comes back into your life, walking away and closing that door for good etc.

I have been here myself so can kind of relate to how your feeling and still to do this day I regret losing the friendship (probably been about 16 years since losing the friendship and 22 years since I first met her) but also life moves on and sometimes I have to tell myself that maybe she wasn't who I thought she was as a friend and sometimes you just have to accept and take it for what it is. 

[DavidB6937]

3 minutes ago, Briefcase said:

Sometimes I have to tell myself that maybe she wasn't who I thought she was as a friend and sometimes you just have to accept and take it for what it is. 

This can really be key in situations like this. Getting closer to someone and having them act like this really highlights things in their personality and how they deal with challenges, and if they're like that then is that someone you really want in your life as a friend?

Easier said than done in terms of walking away and leaving it because losing long term friendships that you appreciated really fucking sucks, but in time you hopefully end up feeling like you dodged a bullet really.

[Tamura]

Things between me and Laura still aren't great. For whatever reason she claims to be constantly busy, and can't find time to even have a 15 minute chat like we used to have all the time before it all went wrong even though she knows I'm struggling with my mental health and chatting to her would help me a lot. So I've pretty much given up on her friendship at this point. As mentioned above she has my spare staff discount card from work, and her statement arrived today but I opened it without realising. I said when I gave it to her that it was just for her use as there's a fair-use policy so don't go buying shopping for half of London. Turns out she's spent over £1400 in 11 weeks, which is a serious amount of shopping for someone on benefits shopping for themself. So without trying to be too much of a stalker decided to investigate what was going on, which I think I'm fully justified in doing especially since I'm liable for any misuse of the spare card and can be sacked for gross misconduct even if I know nothing about it. Turns out last week she wasn't in London, and managed to spend £200 over the course of three days in the area of the country where her new boyfriend lives. Since I gave her the card to help her, and her only, out when she was financially struggling on benefits I reckon she's just taking the piss getting my staff discount for her boyfriend's shopping, so I've cancelled the card. I'm expecting a message or phone call over the next few days wondering what's going on, if she doesn't even bother to ask how I'm doing first the conversation isn't going to go well.

[SuperBacon]

Sounds very one sided relationship/friendship and time to move on I'm afraid mate.

[deathrey]

You have done the right thing and I think at this stage she is probably using you. I know it's easier said than done because closure is important but I don't think you are going to get any from her. I think you have to draw a line under it and try to move on. I'm sure losing the friendship is going to hurt more than the relationship. Try and take some small steps in supporting your mental health, trying to develop some new friendships is probably going to be helpful, which again as an adult, I know is easier said than done.

[LaGoosh]

Yeah that's a very unhealthy relationship you want to get as far away from as possible. No good will come out of it.

[DavidB6937]

There's not a single part of what you wrote there that suggests it's worth any effort on your side whatsoever. Cut her loose and move on. She doesn't deserve whatever you're giving her.

[CTXRussomark]

11 hours ago, Tamura said:

Things between me and Laura still aren't great...

...if she doesn't even bother to ask how I'm doing first the conversation isn't going to go well

As others are saying, I think you need to accept the fact there is no you and Laura anymore, on any level.  It sucks but she's moved on, won't speak to you, and is using your staff discount for her new man without a second thought as to your feelings or situation.  You're obviously still hoping for a reconciliation of some sort (even if it's just as friends) but she's clearly shown her hand here and anything from this point forward will be entirely one sided and based on her needing something from you.  Don't even entertain the toxicity. 

[Tamura]

To be honest my initial reaction was to just say goodbye when she told me about having met someone else while I was in a hospital bed. But I realised that I'd end up with nothing, and maybe there was still a friendship that could be salvaged. We're now a month and a half on from what other friends have called a worrying Facebook post I made, and she's made no effort to have a proper conversation with me. Ultimately, if someone doesn't make an effort for that long it's not a case of not having time, it's just that they can't be bothered. So, in the absence of some major volte-face from her we're done, I won't be contacting her again.

[DavidB6937]

15 minutes ago, Tamura said:

To be honest my initial reaction was to just say goodbye when she told me about having met someone else while I was in a hospital bed. But I realised that I'd end up with nothing, and maybe there was still a friendship that could be salvaged. We're now a month and a half on from what other friends have called a worrying Facebook post I made, and she's made no effort to have a proper conversation with me. Ultimately, if someone doesn't make an effort for that long it's not a case of not having time, it's just that they can't be bothered. So, in the absence of some major volte-face from her we're done, I won't be contacting her again.

You're making the right decision for you. Clearly you're a decent human being who just cares and doesn't want to cut people out of your life unnecessarily, but it comes to a point where you have to put yourself first for your own sanity. Sounds like the kinda girl that will probably try to worm her way back in at some point, especially if she ends up with no one, but that's where you really need to be strong because you know she's only using you and that's unacceptable.

[deathrey]

I 100% agree with @DavidB6937. I think she will be back as she strikes me as the kind of person who struggles to be alone. I think if her current relationship breaks down, she will get in touch with you but for your own sanity and well being, you need to leave it alone. As the old saying goes - when someone shows you who they truly are, believe them. 

Anything after this is acting for her desired outcome.