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~*UKFF's Children Thread*~


Kookoocachu

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23 minutes ago, Nick James said:

Is this normal? I imagine the second is less exciting than the first due to not knowing what is coming with the first, but I am starting to panic that with the way I am feeling, I wont be able to bond with the baby etc. 

I felt similarly with our second who was born mid-pandemic last year, and I think to a degree that is because you know what you're getting into, you are prepared in a way you cannot be for your first child. No one, no matter how many books they have read is truly ready for the all-encompassing change that having a child for the first time brings. It's less of an anticipatory adrenaline rush because you know what is going to happen, and you also have to look after the kid you already have. 

From talking to friends in the same situation, this is actually pretty common. The good news, or at least from my own experience and the anecdotal experience I have from friends, is that as soon as that baby arrives you will bond and fall in love with them in the same way you did the first time. I found it's different, in a way less intense, but it's also nice because the second time round I found myself much more confident in what I was doing, and having to do far less "winging it". Hope that helps!

 

EDIT - Chest beat me to it, but I 100% agree with him. 

Edited by mim731
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1 minute ago, Chest Rockwell said:

I can't tell you if it's 'completely normal' but it sounds like how I felt second time around and it hasn't affected my ability to completely fall in love with my second child. 

Of course it will feel very different. There's not the novelty that was there, the adrenaline from the complete unknown etc. But that doesn't mean it is "less".

Don't forget first time around you were pretty much just sitting there and waiting for a baby to turn up. This time you've got the day to day of taking care of your current kid to keep you distracted.

Also it's not that you're unprepared, it's just that preparing is easier when you know what to expect. 

I echo a lot if this for my 2nd and 3rd the excitement level was much reduced I say excitement but anticipation was a much better word. I was far more able to enjoy the process though and the first few weeks of them being born.

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Thanks for that, folks. I get the impression that its normal and I'm completely overthinking things, as you say, the first time there isn't a lot else to think about and this time there is also a 3 year old involved and I think i'm more focused on making sure he doesn't feel pushed out that I haven't really given myself time to get used to things. 

It's very reassuring to know that it is a normal thing and once the baby arrives, it shouldn't affect the bonding etc. 

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It took me a long time to really form a bond with our second kid. You spend so much time and emotions on that sole child the first time round that it's weird to suddenly be splitting that between two. But it comes.

We're having a third in Sept and yeah the other comments are right - life doesn't stop so it's different and you don't have as much time to get excited or prepared or whatever else.

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As others have echoed @Nick James its completely normal. 

I was a bit blase about it all the second time around, but the second she came along I was just as excited as the first time. 

I have different bonds with each of them, as they are incredibly different characters, but each relationship is as special as the other in their own unique ways.

The only problem with having two (dunno how anyone copes with more than that) is you have to then choose your favourite. Which is a nightmare obviously :)

Best of luck, and to you @DavidB6937

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  • 3 months later...

My wife gave birth to our third child in the early hours this morning. A son to join our two daughters. The teams are evening up slightly.

Excited and tired and tired and excited. It's nice that I worry less with each kid because I feel like being a half decent parent is something I'm fairly good at and that's a nice feeling.

Plus I finally have an excuse to buy all those toys I want..

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My wee girl is now 9 months old and has just got her first cold. To say she's not coping well with it would be an understatement. 

She slept in our bed on Thursday night cos she wouldn't settle in her own, constant runny nose, coughing and sneezing, she's off her food too and will just randomly start crying. Complete opposite of how she usually is.

Does it get any easier when they're ill?

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It does. My oldest (3) used to get a cold every 3 weeks and would be snotty and coughing for 48 hours and then be fine again. She had loads of swabs because of it though.

She is sleeping in with me a lot at the minute, she woke up last night and vomited all over my bed. I cleaned her and it up and we settled back into bed then a little voice from the darkness said "sorry for being sick daddy, I needed a pump but held it in so it came out my mouth." 

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20 minutes ago, King Coconut said:

Well they're all different but if you ask me it categorically does not get better. Until they're in their teens and deserve it I'd have given everything to take the pain and snot away.

Oh I absolutely would take every illness going if it meant they avoid it. I just meant they get better at dealing with it. 

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  • 5 months later...
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Today, we're having a quiz, whether we want to or not.

"I want to watch a film. Can I watch that one that's like Kevin McAlister, but he goes to America and does a dance with his dad, and his dad wears glasses?"
 

Spoiler

Coming To America.

Obviously.

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