Paid Members Surf Digby Posted August 6, 2019 Paid Members Share Posted August 6, 2019 IsĀ Vietnamese Fish SauceĀ just a Vietnamese sauce made from fish, or a sauce made specifically from Vietnamese fish? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Arn Anderson's Darb Posted August 6, 2019 Members Share Posted August 6, 2019 Making my first entry in the shit threads having finally worked up the courage to share that I too have recently been struck with my first case of the dreaded Jeremy Kyle's. Started while I was on holiday last week as what I thought was just a small tear from a heavy poo in an unfamiliar caravan khazi. I soon realized that it wasn't going away. After a particularly active and challenging weekend, my drive home Sunday was teary agony. Monday is a blur of Anasol applications and gently whimpering on the sofa in front of Family Fortunes on Challenge. I had my second daily serving of soup, water and Neurofen before a restless early night. I lay alone in the spare bed atop an old towel, a fan pointed at my bare arris as I tried to remember what masculinity felt like by watching Burt Reynolds as Malone. After hours of painful dozing, it happened. "I've shat the bed!" I shamefully awakened to as I felt a horrifying warm moistness beneath me. Then I realized the truth of the matter was something far more unknown... Ā If I could make a list of situations I don't want to deal with at 4am on a Tuesday, this is definitely high on the list. I fashioned something of a Sumo wrestlers jock out of my worst case scenario towel and waddled to the throne and listened to the sound of blood pour from me. I surveyed the situation around me, the bathroom already looking like a crime scene and considered my next move. I took a sizable wad of poo tickets to blindly mop up the initial bloodbath behind me, but quickly realised I was in over my head. I needed to hose this fire down. I gingerly climbed into the shower and took extra time and care to achieve a steady, lukewarm stream. Finally, I started to feel some relief! Some humanity had been recovered! As I stood under the water like Andy Dufresne as he left the pipe, I realized that I could walk again! I had thoughts of getting back into bed and being comfortable. Dreams of maybe leaving the house again. Fantasies of normal pooing! I left the shower and dealt with the cleanup operation. The spare bed was horrific, but I knew that everything was ok now. As I loaded the washer at 5am with bloodstained sheets and towels, I smiled like a deranged murderer telling myself "Everything is going to be ok now!" The sun rose and my family awoke. With a tear in my eye, I met them as they sleepily found me in the kitchen doing a wash. I held them close and we all held back tears as we knew that our lives could go back to normal. We had survived this invasion and next time, we would be better prepared against the new enemy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Lorne Malvo Posted August 6, 2019 Paid Members Share Posted August 6, 2019 Well, mine just gradually disappeared over the course of around 3/4 days... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Devon Malcolm Posted August 6, 2019 Paid Members Share Posted August 6, 2019 Malone is one of Burt's best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members bAzTNM#1 Posted August 7, 2019 Paid Members Share Posted August 7, 2019 I've never had a right looking shit since I left hospital in March. All they do is look like stinkier Wotsits (nearly same colour too). I have grown *so* frustrated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simonworden Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 On 8/6/2019 at 7:54 AM, Nostalgia Nonce said: IsĀ Vietnamese Fish SauceĀ just a Vietnamese sauce made from fish, or a sauce made specifically from Vietnamese fish? Ā Without googling it's made from the very small fish which are no good to eat. They are typically sun-dried and the oil is extracted. Then it is mixed with salt and water to create the sauce known as Nuoc Mam which is extremely salty in its pure form. Typically it is diluted with more water and sugar depending on the dish. Garlic and chilies are also added. I really like it but it's very smelly and takes some getting used to.Ā Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Scott Malbranque Posted August 9, 2019 Paid Members Share Posted August 9, 2019 As good a place as any to drop this: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stewdogg Posted August 9, 2019 Share Posted August 9, 2019 11 hours ago, Scott Malbranque said: As good a place as any to drop this: Showing off massive shits to your friends is normal behaviour. In work once I did such a good poo that I left it and cleaned my arse in another toilet (the cubicle next door) as I didnāt want to cover it up.Ā Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rey_Piste Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 (edited) I have gone through every stage of the Bristol stool scale over 3 main sessions. A combination of being backed for a few days, gorging myself on Saturday at a Chinese buffet and several ales. All led toĀ unintentionally doing a colonic cleaning. The Bristol stool scale, hidden from the squeamish. Ā Edited August 18, 2019 by Rey_Piste Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators PowerButchi Posted August 18, 2019 Author Moderators Share Posted August 18, 2019 I've been 6 since about 2003. Dont remember ny last whuch wasnt either Corned Beef Stew or Oxtail Soup.Ā Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Pitcos Posted August 25, 2019 Share Posted August 25, 2019 I am currently sitting in the toilets at Reading festival having the worst shit of my life. I blame Bridget Christie, who surely just had the worst gig of hers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord-Mountevans Posted August 26, 2019 Share Posted August 26, 2019 15 hours ago, scratchdj said: I had become bunged, if you will. Perhaps i have watched too much wrestling over the years, but i read the aboveĀ quoteĀ in the style of Dusty Rhodes (going for a shit!). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Monkee Posted August 27, 2019 Paid Members Share Posted August 27, 2019 On 8/1/2019 at 7:20 PM, Lord-Mountevans said: My other point was that if you call it "Anusol" you might as well call it "Rectum Relief" or "Anal Agony"? Why not call it something a little less crude or obviously "arse related". Any decent product should not necessarily have a link to its use, within its name Vagisil andĀ Vagisan are the same with naming. Iāve never heard of anything more horrific than Vagisan MoistCream. For fuckĀ sake, Karen, if you were any more dry youād be a fire hazard! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperBacon Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 Utter bastards invented this Ā Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iMPACt! Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 3 minutes ago, SuperBacon said: Utter bastards invented this Ā What if you have the shits? Slide off in agony after five minutes with it pouring out your arse everywhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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