Paid Members Gus Mears Posted July 1, 2019 Paid Members Share Posted July 1, 2019 Just now, SuperBacon said: Im not ill People who aren't ill don't dump the best part of ten times before Homes Under the Hammer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperBacon Posted July 1, 2019 Share Posted July 1, 2019 2 minutes ago, Gus Mears said: People who aren't ill don't dump the best part of ten times before Homes Under the Hammer. I feel fine. Maybe I’ll “Gary Lineker” myself tonight at 7 a side. That’ll be fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Lorne Malvo Posted July 1, 2019 Paid Members Share Posted July 1, 2019 I've been hitting the ale a bit too much the past few weeks and not really eating properly. It's lead to most of my shits having the same consistency as a melted chocolate fudge cake. Proper grim. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Ronnie Posted July 1, 2019 Paid Members Share Posted July 1, 2019 46 minutes ago, SuperBacon said: I woke up at 7 and between then and now I’ve had 7 poos (and fitted in the school run). Eh, that's nothing. I have more than that before I get out of bed in the morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Undefeated Steak Posted July 1, 2019 Share Posted July 1, 2019 I had a UKFF'ers dream not long back. Started seeing someone recently and the first night I stayed over I began to need a shit. It wasn't an 'it'll wait til the morning' shit either, the warnings were ominous. Now, events of a year or two ago still hold strong, and they reminded Steaky that I best not try and clinch it through the evening. My temperature was beginning to rise and I was becoming noticeably distracted. Her bathroom not only sits directly opposite her bedroom, but as she is in the process of renovating the house, there isn't a door on either room. My options were diminishing rapidly. I told her that I really needed the toilet but I get bad stage fright when people are near. She then said one of the best things I've ever heard, that she had an outside toilet! A fucking outside toilet! Not a little bucket in the ground, but an actual fully functioning toilet in an outside room. We've since become rather serious and I've yet to take a shit while she's in the house. I take many a happy shit in what I happily call my office, and it's a great place to read the forum from. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Lorne Malvo Posted July 31, 2019 Paid Members Share Posted July 31, 2019 Thought this was the best place for this... I've got piles for the first time in my life. Why did nobody ever tell me how fucking painful and discomforting they are? I'm in agony just sitting down at work and I've been getting odd looks because everytime I move I'm groaning. I've been telling people it's a bad stomachache but I'm not sure how much longer I can maintain the lie. I don't have any cream and I can't get down to Boots for a few days either. Fuck knows how I'm going to last. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members gmoney Posted July 31, 2019 Paid Members Share Posted July 31, 2019 https://www.amazon.co.uk/Anusol-Haemorrhoids-Treatment-Cream-43g/dp/B000KHVKUM  Same day delivery. Get it up you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The British Bushwacker Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 get the bullets rather than the cream, alot easier to pop one up than squeezing that cold tube of cream up there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Scott Malbranque Posted July 31, 2019 Paid Members Share Posted July 31, 2019 Preparation H with BioDyne is good for both dirtpipe and eyebags. I use it for both. I get complimented on the latter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord-Mountevans Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 7 hours ago, gmoney said: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Anusol-Haemorrhoids-Treatment-Cream-43g/dp/B000KHVKUM  Same day delivery. Get it up you. Why do they have to market it as "Anusol"? Why not "Rainbow Cream"? Word would soon get round about the product, so you could sort out your Nobby's without the fear of a pharmacist bellowing it down the queue at the chemist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Carbomb Posted August 1, 2019 Paid Members Share Posted August 1, 2019 Do chemists still do that these days? Most of the ones I've been to in the past fifteen years or so just tend to ask the customer name or give a number, then call that out, for that very reason. Interesting you call them "Nobby Stiles" - I've heard "Farmer Giles" before, and once heard "Billies" (apparently for "Billy Boyds"), but not Nobbies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Lion_of_the_Midlands Posted August 1, 2019 Paid Members Share Posted August 1, 2019 I seem to remember reading in the Racing Post that the BHA rejected the name Chalfonts for a horse because they felt that it was slang for piles. Sounds like something a Tory would call them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators neil Posted August 1, 2019 Moderators Share Posted August 1, 2019 (edited) Chalfonts St Giles was said by Major Misunderstanding in Viz so you are right @PowerButchi Edited August 1, 2019 by neil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators neil Posted August 1, 2019 Moderators Share Posted August 1, 2019 Can't edit Butch out of the above...sorry @Lion_of_the_Midlands Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Lion_of_the_Midlands Posted August 1, 2019 Paid Members Share Posted August 1, 2019 Butch is always in our thoughts @neil so it's perfectly understandable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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