Shitting Thread #374

[Lord-Mountevans]

You know when Eastenders have a big episode and they report the National Grid taking a hit after the conclusion of the programme due to everyone sticking the kettle on.

Is that also the case with the National Shit Grid? With everyone eating twice as much food at roughly the same time, thus clogging up the sewers with twice as much shite (probably twice as smelly too!) on Christmas Day.

Can't be much fun if you are called out to unblock  a build up of a sprout turd mountain, that is so high there is snow on the summit.

[Surf Digby]

7 hours ago, scratchdj said:

’m just hoping the beef dinner we’re about to eat doesn’t kick off a Playdough Factory-style chain reaction

Is that where it comes out with a star shaped cross-section?

[Slapnut]

On 12/17/2019 at 9:42 PM, SuperBacon said:

Utter bastards invented this

 

One of the cubicles in work was out of service all day Friday, and I’ve come in this morning to find it’s been replaced with something resembling this!

Absolutely horrible, most uncomfortable poo I’ve had in ages. Constantly felt like I was falling off.

[Chest Rockwell]

Sounds like your boss hates you and/or barely recognises you as a human being. Congratulations! Jokes on them if it's only one cubicle because people will just wait for one of the other ones to be available, and this will actually decrease productivity.

[Slapnut]

This has already started, albeit under different circumstances. Today alone there have been two separate cubicles where the toilet roll has been replaced, but they haven’t pulled the first sheet through so nobody can get at it.

For context, this is the sort of dispenser I’m talking about, except with a lock on it:

[Kaz Hayashi]

23 hours ago, scratchdj said:

It turned out that someone in the building had been shitting in the bogs, not flushing it.... and then cutting the seat in half with a hacksaw and putting the bits in the bowl. 

You what? 
Is this two separate stories? It’s starts off as Happy Gilmore but quickly turns in to a Serbian Film. 

[Kaz Hayashi]

1 hour ago, scratchdj said:

Exactly as I was told. I didn't ask too many questions and haven't been back since. This was also about 15 years ago.

Wow. Well, I suppose I hope he managed to finish off the last two. 

[stewdogg]

On 1/20/2020 at 4:41 PM, Slapnut said:

This has already started, albeit under different circumstances. Today alone there have been two separate cubicles where the toilet roll has been replaced, but they haven’t pulled the first sheet through so nobody can get at it.

For context, this is the sort of dispenser I’m talking about, except with a lock on it:

Is it one of the white plastic boxes with 2 dispensers? The ones at work can be knocked open with the right force, normally it’s the right hand lock to tap on, and then it’ll pop open. Failing that it’s really carefully pinching the toilet roll out at the point where it comes out of the hole. 

[ElCece]

3 hours ago, Rapey Eyes said:

Is it one of the white plastic boxes with 2 dispensers? The ones at work can be knocked open with the right force, normally it’s the right hand lock to tap on, and then it’ll pop open. Failing that it’s really carefully pinching the toilet roll out at the point where it comes out of the hole. 

It's easy to say that but by the time we get to that point most of us have spent all our energy already really carefully pinching.

[Rey_Piste]

This morning I blocked my toilet. I mean my toilet is completely up to the rim with water and shit, it hasn't gone down at in the 3 hours since this happened. I have just had to walk for 5 minutes through the park and pay 20p to go for a second shit. I did make sure to bring my own toilet paper.

[Rusev Day]

6 hours ago, Rey_Piste said:

This morning I blocked my toilet. I mean my toilet is completely up to the rim with water and shit, it hasn't gone down at in the 3 hours since this happened. I have just had to walk for 5 minutes through the park and pay 20p to go for a second shit. I did make sure to bring my own toilet paper.

2 shits before dinner time, what the hell are you eating to go twice already?

Edited January 31, 2020 by Rusev Day

[HarmonicGenerator]

Currently quite high on my list of things I can't stand is when you're in the cubicles at work, either doing what you need to do or taking the time to spend a few minutes levelling up Lando's Millennium Falcon on Galaxy Of Heroes, and you hear someone come in, and they open the door of the cubicle next to you.

There are no other sounds. And then there are. Dear god there are.

The sound of other people shitting. Right next to you. There are not many things that are worse in the workplace.

You can't see it, of course, and if you're like me you get the fuck out of there before they're finished because you absolutely cannot know who has been producing these sounds. God, imagine if it's your boss or one of the accounts managers. You'd never be able to look at them the same way.

Because you have heard them shitting. And there are sounds. So many loud, loud sounds. 

The plop plop-plop. The brrrrrrr bowelmachinegun. The gaseous air escape. The full on whoopee. 

Always followed, of course, by a diverse range of splashes as whatever's happening in there hits the water.

They are making these sounds knowing you are there. Not you, specifically, but they've seen the other cubicle is occupied and someone's going to hear this shitty cacophony. 

Maybe this is just what shitting sounds like? Do I sound like this when I shit? I don't think I do. But then, unless the situation's drastic, I'm not going in there knowing there's someone else around. 

Ploploplop. No, colleagues. No, thank you.

[Rey_Piste]

11 minutes ago, Rusev Day said:

2 shots before dinner time, what the hell are you eating to go twice already?

Blame it on nerves, I have a job interview today and my arsehole is twitching like a rabbit's nose.

[SuperBacon]

28 minutes ago, HarmonicGenerator said:

Currently quite high on my list of things I can't stand is when you're in the cubicles at work, either doing what you need to do or taking the time to spend a few minutes levelling up Lando's Millennium Falcon on Galaxy Of Heroes, and you hear someone come in, and they open the door of the cubicle next to you.

There are no other sounds. And then there are. Dear god there are.

The sound of other people shitting. Right next to you. There are not many things that are worse in the workplace.

You can't see it, of course, and if you're like me you get the fuck out of there before they're finished because you absolutely cannot know who has been producing these sounds. God, imagine if it's your boss or one of the accounts managers. You'd never be able to look at them the same way.

Because you have heard them shitting. And there are sounds. So many loud, loud sounds. 

The plop plop-plop. The brrrrrrr bowelmachinegun. The gaseous air escape. The full on whoopee. 

Always followed, of course, by a diverse range of splashes as whatever's happening in there hits the water.

They are making these sounds knowing you are there. Not you, specifically, but they've seen the other cubicle is occupied and someone's going to hear this shitty cacophony. 

Maybe this is just what shitting sounds like? Do I sound like this when I shit? I don't think I do. But then, unless the situation's drastic, I'm not going in there knowing there's someone else around. 

Ploploplop. No, colleagues. No, thank you.

The real maniacs are the ones who come in, sit down, shit, wipe 3 or 4 times then fuck off. All within the space of 2 minutes. 

Absolute freaks.

[neil]

2 hours ago, HarmonicGenerator said:

Currently quite high on my list of things I can't stand is when you're in the cubicles at work, either doing what you need to do or taking the time to spend a few minutes levelling up Lando's Millennium Falcon on Galaxy Of Heroes, and you hear someone come in, and they open the door of the cubicle next to you.

There are no other sounds. And then there are. Dear god there are.

The sound of other people shitting. Right next to you. There are not many things that are worse in the workplace.

You can't see it, of course, and if you're like me you get the fuck out of there before they're finished because you absolutely cannot know who has been producing these sounds. God, imagine if it's your boss or one of the accounts managers. You'd never be able to look at them the same way.

Because you have heard them shitting. And there are sounds. So many loud, loud sounds. 

The plop plop-plop. The brrrrrrr bowelmachinegun. The gaseous air escape. The full on whoopee. 

Always followed, of course, by a diverse range of splashes as whatever's happening in there hits the water.

They are making these sounds knowing you are there. Not you, specifically, but they've seen the other cubicle is occupied and someone's going to hear this shitty cacophony. 

Maybe this is just what shitting sounds like? Do I sound like this when I shit? I don't think I do. But then, unless the situation's drastic, I'm not going in there knowing there's someone else around. 

Ploploplop. No, colleagues. No, thank you.

It's even more insane working in the US. First you have much more visibility into the next door neighbor, for example 99% of the time the stalls are like this:

Also Americans don't have the same levels of British shame, so they'll happily grunt and groan, unleash loud violent farts and a lot will happily take a phone call while shitting. Worse is that they'll strike up a conversation at the sink because they don't care at all about exiting the stall at the same time.