The Relationship Thread

[Tommy!]

1 hour ago, Kookoocachu said:

I feel like we need to see a picture here so we can give an informed opinion of the situation. 

You'll be asking for pictures of Mabs bump next. 

2 hours ago, The Maestro said:

If you want to impress her, don't buy cakes. She'll think you're a woofter. Buy a few Cornish pasties and sausage rolls to show her how manly you are. 

It's a German bakery, 250 types of bread roll and cakes is what you get. I'd give my left nut for a Cornish pastie

[SpursRiot2012]

Nothing to lose, lots to gain. Ask her out. German women are awesome. 

[Carbomb]

17 minutes ago, Tommy! said:

You'll be asking for pictures of Mabs bump next. 

Was gonna say. It's like he infected Kook with Mab-flu.

[NoUseforaUsername]

Wuh wuh wuh would you like to g-g-g-go out suh suh suh sometime?

*Me trying to ask a girl out

[Briefcase]

1 hour ago, Tommy! said:

It's a German bakery, 250 types of bread roll and cakes is what you get. 

Sounds like my idea of heaven. On the basis that I love bread I would probably not take the risk and stay single. 

[NoUseforaUsername]

Has a girl ever responded derisively when any of ye have asked them out?

I've genuinely never had the balls to do this.

I'd be too scared to in case they would mock me or call me ugly.

[Kookoocachu]

7 minutes ago, NoUseforaUsername said:

Has a girl ever responded derisively when any of ye have asked them out?

I've genuinely never had the balls to do this.

I'd be too scared to in case they would mock me or call me ugly.

I think you should give it a go.

[Thunderplex]

Tommy, go for it.  Worst thing that can happen is she says no, but is flattered that some Brit finds her attractive.  You’ll be sorry If you don’t.

[Surf Digby]

"Guten morgen fraulein. Perhaps you could sell me some stollen, as it appears you have stollen my heart......"

[Chest Rockwell]

1 hour ago, NoUseforaUsername said:

Has a girl ever responded derisively when any of ye have asked them out?

I've genuinely never had the balls to do this.

I'd be too scared to in case they would mock me or call me ugly.

No. Even when I was clearly fucking delusional and there's no way they would have ever gone it with me they were always very nice and courteous about it as long as I was direct in my asking.

If you fuck about and be weird about it though, then you might just get ghosted.

That said, however nice they are in rejecting you, you will probably still feel like you want the world to swallow you up and you'll feel like an idiot and as though she may as well have just called you a pin-dicked circus freak.

It's still worth doing and it gets easier...

[I Bent My Wookie]

That final line from Rockwell I definitely need stamped on me somewhere to remind me. 

Genuinely hate this time of year because of how down I get around it. Christmas, New Year also being my birthday and all that couple stuff people I've grown up with are doing more and more of usually leaves me just in a room by myself locked away from the word. I used to have some fun around it, out on Christmas Eve in a santa costume or partying in New Year but the last few years I dread people even trying to say happy birthday to me. 

I lost a lot of confidence in how I looked and if I was any good for anyone having had a pretty bad 'relationship' during one year of uni which really set me back when I was already pretty far behind. Now I can't even find the nerve to talk to anyone in a club or pub or anything for fear of being laughed at because I'm not good enough for them. Now I've got the next six weeks of couples everywhere in my friendship group (For those I get the chance to see) while my social anxiety, low confidence and negativity I don't want (it genuinely goes by the summer and festivals times its pretty strange) are gonna make me have another miserable end of the year. I guess in parts it may be the Aspergers frying my brain that I'm nearly 25 and not had a serious relationship when I have friends that have married and moved half way around the world so I'm not normal like everyone else. 

[patiirc]

23 hours ago, Shy Dad said:

That final line from Rockwell I definitely need stamped on me somewhere to remind me. 

Genuinely hate this time of year because of how down I get around it. Christmas, New Year also being my birthday and all that couple stuff people I've grown up with are doing more and more of usually leaves me just in a room by myself locked away from the word. I used to have some fun around it, out on Christmas Eve in a santa costume or partying in New Year but the last few years I dread people even trying to say happy birthday to me. 

I lost a lot of confidence in how I looked and if I was any good for anyone having had a pretty bad 'relationship' during one year of uni which really set me back when I was already pretty far behind. Now I can't even find the nerve to talk to anyone in a club or pub or anything for fear of being laughed at because I'm not good enough for them. Now I've got the next six weeks of couples everywhere in my friendship group (For those I get the chance to see) while my social anxiety, low confidence and negativity I don't want (it genuinely goes by the summer and festivals times its pretty strange) are gonna make me have another miserable end of the year. I guess in parts it may be the Aspergers frying my brain that I'm nearly 25 and not had a serious relationship when I have friends that have married and moved half way around the world so I'm not normal like everyone else. 

Lack of belief, self esteem and confidence issues are a complete bitch, tinged with memories and re affrimation of what you had and what you now dont have serves that belief making it seem  Impossible to get out of and thinking around it becomes clouded because life has taught you x,y,z and therefore must be true, irrespective of whether it is or it isnt.

There are a load of brilliant things to do that can help with the short and long term, which will help increase your belief and self confidence. 

Now this will sound pure cheese, but these do work, as they help remind you of what you can do. 

Each morning re affirm out loud three things that you know you are good at. It doesnt have to be anything important either, just three things you know you can do and do them well. So, for example. Yesterday,  I ate three meals, as in bought, ingredients, cooked and prepared them. They were tasty and they filled me up.  Simple thing that people do every day, perhaps, but if it's something that's not done regularly or you dont have an anchor point or no where to start, giving your self credit or reaffirming the small things you do well.

Celebrate the little things,

So, with social anxiety, going out, anywhere can be a really big deal. If you go somewhere, do something that you were meant to and comeback, celebrate that fact. You did it, and you have proof that you did it.  a woohoo, a fuck yeah did that, or a reward for doing something like that cements or reconditions the brain a little because it's focusing in on the positive parts of it.

Could be something as simple as today I got up and got dressed. If that's a big thing for you then celebrate that. Again it sounds really cheesy, but it's all about making that base where the little things (which to some can be huge things) are stood up and lauded for being an achievement. From that you are building a memory or rule bank where you have confidence in things because you know you have done them and celebrated that because they were good. If then something bad happens, you then have the evidence banked or to look back to that you can and have done it well previously and can do it again, if that makes sense?

You arent playing anyone else's game or rules so these achievements are by you, for you and not anyone else. 

Longer term, there are some great sites and books such as  Tinybuddha, or Mindbodygreen that look specifically around mental health, anxiety and building confidence, you dont have to sit and read it all at once, but they can give hints and tips as to how to improve things longer term.

Other stuff that may help, when you are ready is to write a letter to your old self, confirming that you are thankful for them getting you through all of the bad experiences around this time of year and that was you then, it is not you now.  Again it sounds pure cheese, but it's about distancing from the old rules and things that govern going forward. 

Talking to people with fear of rejection or even fear of being laughed at is a big one. However small steps can help with this too. Ask a store assistant where something is in a supermarket or shop, and you will get directions or help with finding it.  It's a successful interaction between you and another human and the outcome wont be that someone is laughing at you, Again it;s a win you can build on an use it to build an interaction bank in your brain  to help it understand that actually no people dont laugh or point or whatever. Even if they were to do that that's their issue and nothing to do with you, and starting with the small stuff can and will help.

Hope all of that makes sense

xx

 

[Slapnut]

It's barely been two weeks since my ex and I split up and, fucking hell, I've got myself into a right state. Not about her, I'm actually doing surprisingly well in that regard, but about a different girl.

So a week Friday ago I went out with my two best friends and coincidentally ended up in the same pub as a Tinder match. Well, I say coincidentally, I knew she was going to that pub, and when my mate also suggested going there I certainly didnt shy away from it.

So anyway, we eventually start talking, turns out I know her housemate, and it's going well. Stayed the night at her's and had one of those nights that you just don't forget about anytime soon.

Since then, I've seen her a further twice, including last night, and I've had an absolute blast both times. Really really nice company, she is.

But there's the problem - now I can't get her out of my stupid fucking head. Here I am, fresh out of a seven year relationship, and I've fallen hard for a girl I met less than a week later.

And I'm not even sure what she wants out of it yet, whether it's just sex or if she'd be interested in taking things further at some point. Either way, I've only got back from her's about an hour ago and I've already got that knot in my stomach where I want to see her again.

Sorry for the rambling post. Needed to get that off my chest. I'm a fucking mess.

[Carbomb]

That doesn't sound like a bad thing, really. Obviously, it's not good if she doesn't want anything serious, but you don't know that yet. Only thing I would suggest is take it easy and play it a bit cool, by which I don't mean act aloof like a dick - more that you shouldn't get too effusive, and not give away just yet just how deeply you've fallen for her. Even if she wants something serious, there's the possibility that she might not be able to deal with the intensity of what you're feeling towards her, and there are a lot of people who are very uncomfortable being virtually placed on some kind of pedestal or being seen as "the solution", especially so soon in a relationship. That kind of expression can always come later. Besides, you don't know yet whether or not what you're feeling is infatuation or love; our hormones, that naughty ol' oxytocin in particular, can really skew our perspectives at times.

Take it as it comes, enjoy what's happening, and don't get anxious; you're seeing someone you like, and that's something to be celebrated, not panicked over. Be patient, and bask in the glow.

[Dead Mike]

Propose, fortune favours the brave! Or, just chill out a bit, enjoy it for what it is right now & resist the urge to make any bolt admissions to a girl you've known for less than a fortnight.