Divorced Dad Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 1 hour ago, WWFChilli said: Me and the missus split in August. We're so broke we are still sharing a flat... till March. Should make some good material. I once shared a one bed flat with an ex for 4 months after she dumped me and came out as gay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Kookoocachu Posted November 7, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted November 7, 2017 I had an ex live with me for about 8 months after he broke up with me. That was down to me being a doormat and feeling sorry for him (!?) more than anything though before finally telling him to fuck off. That was a weird one actually, I cut it all completely after a while and then he would message me about once a month these really long texts about how he hoped I was well and that he missed me etc. He had a girlfriend at the time too and I never even replied to any of them. These days we're on talking terms, he's on Instagram stalking terms though if you get what I mean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdamTH17 Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 13 hours ago, Wrasslin said: Ok. I'm in love with my friends ex. We had a casual arrangement for a while which he was aware of and said he was fine with. We both had asked permission first. This carried on for a few months until it emerged that he was perhaps not as OK with it. (He broke up with her to be clear). But we didn't want to cause any unnecessary upset so we stopped. Thing is I'm now absolutely in love with her. And judging by some texts I've received she feels similarly. And we can't do anything about it because of my friend. It's making me really miserable. Agree with the other sentiment in here that your friend is being a knob. He's forfeited all rights to her when he broke up with her, isn't your fault that he may now be regretting his decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Kaz Hayashi Posted November 8, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted November 8, 2017 (edited) 11 hours ago, Kookoocachu said: I had an ex live with me for about 8 months after he broke up with me. Bloody hell... 8 months? I can kind of understand until next payday etc, but 8 months mate? Jesus. It’s amazing how people take advantage isn’t it. @Wrasslin not condoning that his behaviour is shit, however, keep in mind that ‘love’, relationships etc, can really mess with your head, even if he is the one who broke it off. I’ve been in both his and your situation. When I was in his situation I was 20, so pretty immature. I’d been seeing someone for 2 years, although all was pretty good, I felt ‘trapped’ was at Uni and she was a bit clingy. I didn’t cheat or hook up with anyone immediately after breaking up but it did feel that breaking up amicably was the right thing to do. Anyway, about 3 months later a close mate told me that they wanted to start seeing each other and had been on a low key date. Whilst I had no business to feel anything negative towards the situation, I did. I love/loved them both dearly and this was the issue. I had convinced myself that ‘if he was a real friend, he wouldn’t go there out of respect, that mine and her intimacy and memories would now be overcast by someone who watched on during that time and he’d now be let in to something that was ‘ours’ and ‘special to us’. I felt he was a bit like a vulture swooping in for the salvage. It felt like betrayal and it felt like it would forever be awkward. Even in the most simplest of terms... scenario: we’re all out for drinks, they cosy up, or flirt etc whilst we all know that 4 months prior her and I were having sex’. It felt like I’d lost some empowerment (not over her) just over life and my experiences and memories would somehow be tarnished. Now, I can look back and realise that it was down to immaturity. Don’t write him off, he’s probably going through some conflicting thoughts about it. If I were you, I’d go to him, take him out for a pint and explain the situation. Explain that you truly do value his friendship and will respect his time to deal with the situation. Give him some power back, make it clear in as nice a way as possible that you will be going out with her, and he can decide when he’s ready to re-engage with you as a friend. Keep reminding him you are there for him no matter what. If he has a moan about it or acts negatively throughout, then he’s not ready and you’ll have to give him space, occasionally checking in. If he’s cool with it then win. You are in the right, but in his mind he has every right to feel somewhat wronged. Once he has a bit of time, and hopefully finds someone he’s really on to, it won’t be an issue. Good luck. Edited November 8, 2017 by Kaz Hayashi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wrasslin Posted November 8, 2017 Share Posted November 8, 2017 Thanks very much for the advice guys I really appreciate it. Like you describe Kaz I totally get where he's coming from and I wouldn't say this is my shining hour. But at the same time we can't intentionally make ourselves miserable to protect him. Me and her spoke last night and are serious about giving it a go. I'm going to speak to him about it Saturday. She wanted to do it together but I think that would just feel like an ambush. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members BomberPat Posted November 8, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted November 8, 2017 19 hours ago, Carbomb said: Agreed. Not much of a friend if he's going to obstruct your happiness. If it's indeed love as you say, he should appreciate that. Given that he's not with her any more, he shouldn't have any say in the decisions that you or she make as rational adults, and he should be a rational adult about it himself. Absolutely with this. It's fair enough if he's not particularly happy about it, he's got no real control over that, and these things can hurt, but if he's actively trying to discourage you being together, or anything to suggest that you shouldn't be together, he needs to grow up. She doesn't belong to him, and he's not much of a friend if he doesn't want you to be happy. I've had a couple of friends start dating exes of mine - it can suck at first, but that's life, you have to get on with it. That said, one friend tried to keep it secret and under wraps for a while, while another came to me and asked if I'd mind if he asked her out, and I had a lot more time and respect for the latter - though, if I'd been enough of a prick to say "no, I'd rather you didn't ask her out", I'd have hoped he'd have had it in him to go ahead and ask her anyway, because it's sod all to do with me. On living with an ex, I stayed with one of mine for a couple of months after we broke up, as she was moving away shortly after, so it didn't make much sense to do anything different. We were still (I thought) on good terms, but she pretty abruptly cut me (and others, to be fair) out of her life after she'd moved, cutting off all contact on social media etc.. A girl I went on a couple of dates with still lived with her ex-husband at least a year after they broke up, which just seemed mental to me. She actually had him come and pick her up for one of our dates, too, and even before we were dating, I was chatting to her at a show, and she made him wait outside. He must have seriously fucked up that marriage to still be doing that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members BomberPat Posted November 8, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted November 8, 2017 (edited) Double Post. Edited November 8, 2017 by BomberPat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members wandshogun09 Posted November 8, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted November 8, 2017 Situations like that are always going to be tricky. You can't help who you fall for though. It wasn't the same situation but I ended up going out with my best friend's sister years ago. Dating a friend's sister or ex was something I always thought was a no-go previously but we just clicked and that was that. It was awkward as fuck telling him and I didn't know how he'd react because she'd been through some shit and he was rightly very protective. But 7 years later we're married, have a 4 year old daughter and my mate is now family and the godfather to our little girl. Kind of hilarious looking back to think I was proper bricking it thinking I was going to lose a mate and maybe cause problems between him and his sister. Basically, you've got to do what makes you both happy. It might take your mate some time to get used to it but from the way you've explained it you're doing nothing wrong. What's the alternative, you both decide to leave it to spare his feelings and end up resenting him anyway? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Kookoocachu Posted November 8, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted November 8, 2017 6 hours ago, Kaz Hayashi said: Bloody hell... 8 months? I can kind of understand until next payday etc, but 8 months mate? Jesus. It’s amazing how people take advantage isn’t it. It's amazing how stupid you can be when you have no self worth. But he's the one now obsessing over me so boo hoo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Sergio Mendacious Posted November 8, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted November 8, 2017 17 hours ago, Kookoocachu said: I had an ex live with me for about 8 months after he broke up with me. That was down to me being a doormat and feeling sorry for him (!?) more than anything though before finally telling him to fuck off. That was a weird one actually, I cut it all completely after a while and then he would message me about once a month these really long texts about how he hoped I was well and that he missed me etc. He had a girlfriend at the time too and I never even replied to any of them. These days we're on talking terms, he's on Instagram stalking terms though if you get what I mean. Were you not in contact with him during the time he was living there? I'm picturing him sending long texts from your empty room, curtains flapping in the breeze after you'd launched yourself of the window to avoid him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith Houchen Posted November 8, 2017 Share Posted November 8, 2017 19 hours ago, WWFChilli said: Me and the missus split in August. We're so broke we are still sharing a flat... till March. Should make some good material. It should, can you give us a few details to get us started? Do you want one liners or a 5 minute piece? Seriously, that's shit, mate. I lived with my first ex wife for about a year after we split, it was hell. She was moving on with her life but I couldn't until she moved out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Kookoocachu Posted November 8, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted November 8, 2017 Just now, Sergio Mendacious said: Were you not in contact with him during the time he was living there? I'm picturing him sending long texts from your empty room, curtains flapping in the breeze after you'd launched yourself of the window to avoid him. No no, the ignoring him came a few months after I kicked him out. Generally speaking, you have to be a pretty special person if I read more than 2 lines into a long text. I'm not a bitch or anything, I'm just very lazy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Sergio Mendacious Posted November 8, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted November 8, 2017 16 minutes ago, Kookoocachu said: No no, the ignoring him came a few months after I kicked him out. etc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Kookoocachu Posted November 8, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted November 8, 2017 Read to fast. Happens when I'm hungry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Kaz Hayashi Posted November 8, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted November 8, 2017 1 hour ago, Kookoocachu said: It's amazing how misguided and vulnerable you can be when you have no self worth. Fixed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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