The Relationship Thread

[Monkee]

I don't really understand. He quoted a lot of stuff off this page about "connections" but with no real context to the conversation:

http://www.pickupguide.com/layguide/p_iconnection.htm

[Azrall]

Ahh - Now I get you. Sorry it was my misunderstanding.  

I read through some of the paragraphs on that site. It's a load of old tripe, isn't it?  Suggest you ask him if his favourite pattern is 7 or 10 and await his response. That's how i'd do it.

But then again I enjoy watching people squirm once I've caught them out......How do you feel about it?

[unfitfinlay]

2 hours ago, Monkee said:

@Chest Rockwell See, this is what I'm wondering. Is it offensive to think that good-looking people are so shallow that they they only go for other good-looking people? I just don't know what to think in this situation. He's been messaging a lot so he's obviously making the effort but I'm very wary that he's not who he says he is. Is it just me?!

Just because you think someone is good looking doesn't mean that they feel that way about themselves though. It's very possible that he's thinking the same thing about you and using the Pick Up Artist shit because he doesn't think you could possibly like who he is really is.

If you liked him before then tell him to cut the shit and actually talk to you. If you didn't, or he doesn't respond, then just forget him.

[D@mm]

@Monkee I agree with Keith, no more talk of he is way out of my league, nobody is out of anyone's league, we are all beautiful in our own way and someone will see that.

[Kaz Hayashi]

A woman who my wife went to uni with did a Ted Talk about the mathematics of love. The whole concept revolves around patterns of human behaviour.

Interesting perspective and worth a watch.

 

[Monkee]

That was really good and very interesting. I liked the examples of the online dating ratios between attractiveness and how many messages are received. Definitely food for thought.

Edited August 2, 2017 by Monkee

[Azrall]

My turn now - and a bit of an interesting situation:

Last year, I went on two dates, within about 6 months of each other.  Although I felt both dates went OK and they Iooked promising, the other person/s didn't think the same. Both had similar explanations. "You're a great guy but...You're too nice/I don't think we have that much in common."

Cut to present day, I have had texts from both parties this week, both sending the near identical message -  "Hey, sorry, about before and sorry for messaging you now, but I was wondering if you fancied meeting up again? I'm in a better place than I was previously etc etc."  Part of me is intrigued by this turn of events, especially as two people have decided to message me. But I'm also a naturally guarded and wary person, so I'm already on the back foot.   Person A, I'm not overly fussed with and I could quite happily turn down, Person B is more my cup of tea shall we say. But I just find it very strange that someone would go back to contacting a date you originally turned down.

Am I being too suspicious of their intentions? Especially as I'd pretty much forgotten all about them and written them off as experience. To me it screams "Aw shit, i've not had much action in 6 months - oh I wonder if that nice chap is still around?"  OR should I just go with it and see what happens?

[Carbomb]

It's a tricky one. Do you think you could envision yourself doing the same thing if you were in their position (assuming they're telling the truth about not being in a good place originally)?

If so, then you could give them the benefit of the doubt and go meet up with them. I'm sure a lot of us have been in that situation; to be quite frank, I'm kind of in that situation myself now, where I get inexplicable anxiety about even the idea of dating or meeting someone, so I can understand people going out on dates because they feel they should, before they're really ready to get back out there, rather than because they want to.

Also, it comes down to what you think they're after i.e. if you suspect they're just looking for something casual, in which case you need to figure out whether or not it's something you'd mind going for at this time.

Ultimately, ask yourself this one question: what do you stand to gain from meeting up with them, and what do you stand to lose? 

[LaGoosh]

Just meet up with them. Worst case scenario is it leads to nothing and you're in the exact same place you are now anyway. You've nothing to lose.

[FLips]

Likely thing is they were talking to someone else too and picked them over you and it's went to shit and now they're trying not to feel so rejected. I'd be wary of them.

[Otto Dem Wanz]

Hi everyone, bit of a monologue here but I’d appreciate some unbiased advice about something.

Things have been going really well my girlfriend of 6 months – however, the cause of a few fights and a level of mistrust has evolved as a result of a couple of incidents, namely me stupidly wanting to avoid an awkward conversation about a girl I’d slept with about 4 years ago who I’m still friends with. We agreed to share information about past relationships if either of us were to be introduced to the people in question, but I only ended up telling gf about it after she’d met this friend of mine twice, gf subsequently got very pissed off and doesn’t want to see her or that group of my friends anymore (fair enough). There was also something with a colleague (who I kissed once and danced closely with on another occasion last year and still see every day at work) before we were together which hasn’t helped the situation, nor has me being reluctant and hesitant to share details whenever past flings have been brought up.

This stuff gets raised when we argue from time to time and she’s said she’s having a hard time trusting me and that those feelings aren’t getting easier, but then always reiterating how much she loves me and wants me in her life. Said arguments are usually resolved by me pacifying her and making it clear that I’m always going to be straight with her and that I won’t dance around issues whenever they’re brought up (I did this because I got up to quite a lot of stuff before I met her and feel a bit embarrassed about it). Now, I should say that I haven’t cheated or even entertained the idea of doing so since I’ve been with her, I think she’s absolutely great and I love spending time with her, but I’m feeling guilty and in a really confused state of mind due to something that might happen.

Gf has a job interview next week (we currently work together which is how we met) and there’s the chance that she ends up moving to a new job with a girl we both know (through our current work), who I’ve never done anything with, but do remember attempting to drunkenly kiss at a work night out a couple of years ago. It never happened as the girl pulled away, but with the knowledge that it’s better to say stuff in advance (if it’s not already too late) I’m wondering if I need to tell her about this. Or whether I should already have told her?

I’m also worried if I don’t, she then gets the job and the girl in question mentions it to her or lets it slip during a work event (which I’m sensing would kill the relationship dead). I haven’t told her before because this girl has nothing to do with either of us at work and the only reason they might now speak is in advance of this new situation.

Am I overreacting or is there a valid reason to explain things to her at risk of pissing her off even more and all trust going and the relationship potentially ending? Would appreciate any advice, cheers.

[Kookoocachu]

You're overreacting. If she get's funny over a girl you drunkenly tried to kiss years ago then she isn't mature enough for a real relationship. You guys have only been together 6 months, you shouldn't be having any of these issues at all. 

[Mr_Danger]

Sounds like your girlfriend needs to get a grip. Sure its not nice to hear these things second hand but its not really relevant to your relationship with your girlfriend.

That being said I've been through similar recently where i try to hide little things that i know would be blown out of proportion but in truth it's turned me in to a bit of a sneaky sneak and she ALWAYS finds out and it always looks worse that way. Im up front about all things now but im not sure id feel the need to tell her things like years ago i once drunkenly attempted to kiss someone you might have to work with.

[MVP RULZ]

No need to mention at all I'd of thought, Does the other girl who your GF may work with even remember the attempted kiss? I'm guessing things have been normal between the 2 of you since that incident and its never come up before so don't see why it would be an issue now

If It did come up then GF should really have no reason to react, it happened long before you were together and you were drunk on a night out I really don't see anything that should cause any arguments between a couple in a long term relationship    

[Otto Dem Wanz]

Thanks for everything so far guys, said other girl is a bit elusive in that I basically never speak to her and haven't had contact in about a year, so I've no idea if she remembers it. Gf uploaded a pic of me and her on Facebook and the girl liked it, whatever you can take from that 

I don't see the relevance of it either, but I thought that about the other stuff (which I was honest/dumb enough to tell her) and I'm just worried it'll come up somehow and she's going to flip because its another example of me telling her something belatedly and making her feel embarrassed and distrusting of me.

If I was going to tell her about it then it'd be if/when/as she starts this new job, or if she, as she has mentioned, arranges a chat with girl in question to sharpen up for her interview.