Paid Members SpursRiot2012 Posted November 12, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted November 12, 2017 (edited) Thanks for the advice, all. I should clarify about her mates staying. Again, no issue with mates I know coming to stay. Happens at least once a week. The issue is only people I don't know coming to stay, specifically after a night out. I don't go out to pubs and clubs anymore because I gave up drinking. But it's still quite hard for me to be around loads of people drinking. So, usually my partner will go out with her mates by herself, which I'm fine with. But what I don't want to have to deal with on their return is a bunch of drunk people, plus a bunch of drunk people I don't know. Coupled with the social anxiety I get around new people anyway, it's not something I would look forward to. Perhaps I am being a bit weird with it. I have never said, "you can't have people stay here." Usually she'll ask if I would mind if some person I've not met can stay the night and I'll say I would prefer them not to, but that it's her house as well. Generally, she defers to me on that but I wouldn't ever force her not to have someone stay. We have talked today about last night. It genuinely didn't occur to her that I would have an issue with what she did. She's quite naive in the sense that she doesn't realise that just telling a guy she's got a boyfriend isn't going to put lots of men off. In my experience, a guy doesn't come back to a girls house without the idea that he might be getting a kiss or more - as terrible as that mindset is. I also told her that she needs to be more careful and aware when she's out drinking. As mentioned, if they'd be robbers or rapists or whatever, with my leg, I couldn't have fought them. She has apologised and I just think it's an error in judgement on her part, nothing malicious. Edited November 12, 2017 by SpursRiot2012 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Kaz Hayashi Posted November 12, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted November 12, 2017 Well, still, they are her mates so should feel able to bring them back. Maybe it’s a case of getting to know said mates? Its something I give my wife a lot of credit for, because of her suggesting as much, we pretty much know the vast majority of each other’s friends. Some of which i have since become good friends with, some of which I’m not as fussed about (and vice versa) but that’s fine. She will sometimes be on a works night out, I’m usually always invited by her and the colleagues I’m friendly with, but I tend to pass because I thinks it’s still good to have your separate sessions, and let’s be honest, I’d be bored out of my bonce listening to Kevin bang on about how Nigel hasn’t produced sufficient documentation regarding the who gives a fuck. Anyway, she’ll occasionally tell a colleague they can kip over if they get stuck because of train times etc. However, she mentions as much beforehand and let’s me know that someone might end up staying over. I’m completely fine with it and have no reason not to be. Maybe just set some ground rules with each other. Both agree it’s fine to bring people we know back as long as you keep the noise down. If you want to party, do it at another friends and don’t bring back blokes that no one actually knows. Pretty fair I think, but you also need to show her you have no problem with her bringing a pal back, including ones you aren’t familiar with, yet. Ask her if any of her mates ‘might’ be coming back later and if so, ask about them out of interest.. not out of paranoia. Realistically, the anxiety is what’s being a dick here. Keep that in mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members SpursRiot2012 Posted November 12, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted November 12, 2017 Yeah, I think you're probably right. I actually know all her main friends very well. She has two groups of friends from before we met, one set form London and another set from Sussex. The ones I don't know are usually sort of extended mates who she would knock about with on a night out back when she lived in Sussex. I'll try and get over it. Next time she asks, I'll give it a go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Kaz Hayashi Posted November 12, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted November 12, 2017 I’m sure you’ll get it sorted mate. If nothing else it might help with dealing with elements of your social anxiety. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members SpursRiot2012 Posted November 12, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted November 12, 2017 Yeah, for sure. I also asked for advice on this on the Relationship Advice subreddit. Jesus fucking Christ, the men there must have had some terrible experiences. They're all trying to convince me that my girlfriend is the shadiest, most crafty woman in history who was absolutely trying to cheat on me. Madness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Kaz Hayashi Posted November 12, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted November 12, 2017 Yeah and none of them have ever been in a relationship with anything other than an avatar from habo hotel, so yeah, farts in the wind. In between David, Quagmire and sex offenders, there’s plenty of really sound people on here with sound advice. Hopefully the last page of replies will help you to get this sorted marra. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Carbomb Posted November 12, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted November 12, 2017 SpursRiot is cheating on us with Reddit! The whore Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slapnut Posted November 15, 2017 Share Posted November 15, 2017 Split up with my girlfriend of 7 and a half years earlier this week and I'm not really sure what to do with myself. On one hand, we've been living 3 hours away for the past 2 years (minus a few months we both lived in London), so it's not a total culture shock. But I've literally not been since since I was 18 and it's weird. It hasn't really hit me yet. I think I'll be a right mess come her birthday or something similar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D@mm Posted November 15, 2017 Share Posted November 15, 2017 A break up will be a long and painful road, just when you think you are over it something will remind you of her etc. Just take it day by day, things will get better eventually. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members SpursRiot2012 Posted November 15, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted November 15, 2017 Seven years? Man, that sucks. Did you break up with her, her with you or was it mutual? It goes to show that longevity doesn't nessercarily equal happiness. I feel like me and my partner will be together forever (six years, next year) and I'm planning on proposing next year or the year after, but there are no guarantees in this life. For all I know, it'll be Splitsville next week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slapnut Posted November 15, 2017 Share Posted November 15, 2017 38 minutes ago, SpursRiot2012 said: Seven years? Man, that sucks. Did you break up with her, her with you or was it mutual? Well, it was sort of mutual, but instigated more by her, if that makes sense. She's been planning on moving back down to Wales as soon as she got a job here, but then on Monday she told me she didn't want to move down here. She's already packed up and moved back home once before, and I knew that if it happened again then it'd be over, but her telling me she didn't want to move here confirmed we had no future. Like I said above, we've not been living together for 2 years, so it's almost as if we haven't even been in a proper relationship for a while, so it hasn't really hit me properly yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Tommy! Posted November 24, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted November 24, 2017 The woman in my local bakery is the most beautiful woman I've ever met, and in a sad move I'll occasionally buy some cake just to have a chat with her. Now there is nothing to gain from asking her out, as I'm off back home soon, but nothing to loose either. So I await the UKFF advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Maestro Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 If you want to impress her, don't buy cakes. She'll think you're a woofter. Buy a few Cornish pasties and sausage rolls to show her how manly you are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grecian Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 12 minutes ago, Tommy! said: The woman in my local bakery is the most beautiful woman I've ever met, and in a sad move I'll occasionally buy some cake just to have a chat with her. Now there is nothing to gain from asking her out, as I'm off back home soon, but nothing to loose either. So I await the UKFF advice. You have a hell of a lot to gain from it, and nothing to lose. You go out with her, who knows what might happen? She says no, you don't eat as much cake, and don't see her again once you move. Ask her out! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Kookoocachu Posted November 24, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted November 24, 2017 I feel like we need to see a picture here so we can give an informed opinion of the situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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