The Relationship Thread

[SuperBacon]

 

She needs to see a medical professional. Just from reading that, and knowing nothing of her behaviour before the baby, that sounds like severe post natal depression, possibly stemming from what you said about the birth.

Encourage her to go to the doctors, and be patient. Best of luck.

Edit: regarding her “time of the month”, she could be suffering from endometriosis. My ex did and it was fucking horrendous for her.

Second edit: Sorry to say this, but you don’t come across as being very supportive in that text. And I get that you’ve just given an overview but things like ‘going downstairs when she goes up ‘, making comments to co-workers, thinking about how ‘you’ are stressed and sleep deprived don’t seem very sympathetic. 

Have you tried talking to her to see what the problem actually is? I don’t know if you have and sorry for just going off what you’ve put, but if she is suffering from post natal, then you need to be as supportive as you can be.

Edited March 24, 2019 by SuperBacon
Re-read

[Mr_Danger]

Everyone has their limits though and the fact that his wife is clearly suffering with bad PND doesn't negate his feelings. There is hope though, you need to talk to your wife in a really reasonable tone, preferably during one of her more positive spells and explain how you feel, what changes you have seen and how you can both start to improve the situation. Feed her information and help her see what she's going through and reassure her you're the person there to help. Deep down she'll know and she'll feel guilty for feeling like shes letting you and your son down even though her feelings and actions are completely common and normal for her situation.

For God's sake don't mention the daily log you kept though!

[Glenryck Pilchards]

Thanks for all your suggestions guys, last night I think I just needed to channel my angst somewhere to clear my head. I have came home this evening and had a 'clear the air' chat with the wife. I told her my concerns and she is in denial that she has any mental health issue and she is adamant that her anger is due to stress and 'has nothing to do with mental health' and pointed me to the direction of this article..

I bit my lip but we have come to a compromise that she will not direct all her anger at me in future and if she does she has agreed to visit the doctor. I did suggest counselling as,I have used it myself in the past and it has helped me massively. The wife was not keen on that idea when I brought it up.

Reading back what I wrote last night and I agree @SuperBacon that I came across as self-entitled, but I have been supportive all the way throughout the relationship. A year before we got married she was complaining about her back but refused to go to the doctors. This went on for months and during the Christmas holidays I gave her the ultimatum of either going to the doctors or the wedding was off. She reluctantly went and it turns out she had two degenerative discs which required surgery. She spent most of her Hen Weekend in a wheel chair and had surgery the following week which allowed enough recovery time to walk down the aisle. 

Once again thanks for the responses I will be more helpful to her and I do want to make it work. 

[SuperBacon]

Best of luck mate. It may take time, but I hope it works out for you both.

Some people find it hard to admit they may be suffering from depression or another illness. I know I certainly did.

[Accident Prone]

So bit of a weird one this, and this is the most appropriate thread for it (probably). It's most likely a very stupid issue but I guess I just need some impartial assurance and advice.

Background; been with the missus close to ten years now. Living together, engaged, all that jazz.

A few days back she mentioned that she's been listening to this guy on YouTube loads. She said she disagrees with everything he says but only watches because she finds him so wrong that it's somehow entertaining. I'm a very liberal, left leaning bloke and she tends to lean in the same direction, so I cottoned on that it must be one of those alt-right Ben Shapiro types.

Turns out, I was right. I did a shit thing and had a look at her YouTube account, and it was there in the play history; Hunter Avallone. And she's watched a fair fucking few videos of his going back what looks like weeks.

I mean, look at the fucking state of this wanker;

 

He's mates with all those other cunts too; Paul Joseph Watson, Ryan Fournier, Shapiro, the fucking lot. Loves Richard Spencer and Trump and all the other hard right-wing nutjobs with power.

So I don't know what to do here. She's either legit watching these guys videos to laugh at him or went down a couple of YouTube rabitt holes and is slowly going to end up agreeing with what he's on about and it's a slippery slope from there. She said that's she's been watching him quite a bit so she's probably smashed through the looking glass by now. 

Now I have no idea how to broach this subject with her. She's never, ever struck me as the type to be into this gash. She admits that she doesn't know much politically, kind of like myself TBH, but I know where I stand on the left-to-right scale(both politically and socio-politically) and she's always been like myself; left leaning with sprinkles of fence sitting. She's the most kind hearted, caring person I know and this seems to be the complete opposite of that.

Any advice here? Should I just let her get on with it, safe in the belief that she's hate-watching the guy? Or do I ask her about this change and look like some controlling, censoring man bastard?

Christ, I hate the internet sometimes.

Edited May 24, 2019 by Accident Prone

[Devon Malcolm]

Maybe she just fancies him. Look at some of the horrendous humans @Thunderplex fancies.

[gmoney]

I can't see any advice beyond talk to her about it. 

[Tommy!]

39 minutes ago, Devon Malcolm said:

Maybe she just fancies him. Look at some of the horrendous humans @Thunderplex fancies.

There's this beautiful son of a bitch for a start. 

 

 

[Accident Prone]

59 minutes ago, gmoney said:

I can't see any advice beyond talk to her about it. 

Aye, I don't think I have a choice. I just don't want to appear like a controlling prick that tells what she should and shouldn't watch. It's hardly a deal breaker but it's just a really weird situation to find myself in. It's feels like when a good mate suddenly starts a sentence with, "I'm not racist but...".

[Sonny Mustang]

If it bothers you (not sure why it would but it obviously does) you should say something.

Depending on how you got access to her YouTube, but assuming it’s shared, wouldn’t easy thing to be say she didn’t log out (or whatever) and it was suggesting all these clips lol?

she was told you she’d been watching him loads though so??? Sorry if I’m missing something. If she’s still the super kind, caring non judge mental personal she’s always been it wouldn’t bother me! 

[Accident Prone]

If those videos don't bother you Sonny then that says more about you than me.

I had a chat with her last night just to get a feel (steady now) of how she's feeling politically. I didn't bring this guy or the videos up, I just managed to bring up politics by asking if she went to vote last night. She seems the same and I made sure to slag off some right-wing American politics (such as some conservatives thinking a that a fridge is a luxury) a bit just to see if it caused any defensiveness.

Christ, I really am sounding like a right, utter cunt. I really, really don't like myself right now. I know couples who are politically at odds with each other, what makes my relationship any different? Fucks sake.

It helps to write it all down though. 

[David]

13 hours ago, Accident Prone said:

A few days back she mentioned that she's been listening to this guy on YouTube loads. She said she disagrees with everything he says but only watches because she finds him so wrong that it's somehow entertaining.

 Here's the thing. If you discuss this with her, question her, or even put out a slight whiff that you're not sure where she stands, you'd essentially be calling her a liar. She's told you she's watching it for a laugh, and that she disagrees with everything he says. If you've been with her ten years and you can't take her word on it then I don't know what to tell you, because that suggests slightly bigger problems than some YouTube videos.

If she was actually taking any of what these types say seriously, and she knows how you feel about them, she'd not have told you most likely. 

[Accident Prone]

6 minutes ago, johnnyboy said:

Is it more the change in behaviour that is a concern rather than having a different political opinion, just that it has manifested in watching videos calling everyone beta cucks?

Her behavior hasn't changed, I guess I'm just worried that it will. The more I think about it the more awful I feel about myself for even beginning to think that way.

Also, we're going to be parents soon and I can't put into words how much I don't want my kid growing up with those sorts of thoughts about other people and their rights. 

13 minutes ago, David said:

 Here's the thing. If you discuss this with her, question her, or even put out a slight whiff that you're not sure where she stands, you'd essentially be calling her a liar. She's told you she's watching it for a laugh, and that she disagrees with everything he says. If you've been with her ten years and you can't take her word on it then I don't know what to tell you, because that suggests slightly bigger problems than some YouTube videos.

If she was actually taking any of what these types say seriously, and she knows how you feel about them, she'd not have told you most likely. 

Totally fair points, David. I don't think she knew of my utter disdain for these Shapiro types until she told me then, and even then I don't think she's quite cottoned on.

Thanks for the advice guys, I really appreciate it. I'm going to leave it for now as it's doing a bit of a number on me so I'm just going to let it play out. Maybe I'll bring it up to her in a month's time and see where she's at. 

[David]

4 minutes ago, Accident Prone said:

Totally fair points, David. I don't think she knew of my utter disdain for these Shapiro types until she told me then, and even then I don't think she's quite cottoned on.

Thanks for the advice guys, I really appreciate it. I'm going to leave it for now as it's doing a bit of a number on me so I'm just going to let it play out. Maybe I'll bring it up to her in a month's time and see where she's at.

What I would do if you're really concerned is to frame the discussion on yourself rather than her. Next time an opportunity arises you could mention how angry these types make you, maybe even highlight the repercussions that their hate-filled shite causes for ordinary folk. That way it won't appear that you're telling her what to do, but are more making it known that such people upsets you. 

Chances are she'll take that on board and share your disgust.

Oh, and point out that these fuckers actually earn money through YouTube with every view. I think some of them make a fair whack of dough in that way, so maybe if she knew she was somehow supporting them by watching she may not be so keen. That's something I'm acutely aware of, no matter how much I like to laugh at what these fuckers are doing and saying, I know I'm adding to their cause by watching.

[Accident Prone]

That's a fantastic bit of advice, David. I'll take that on-board.