The Relationship Thread

[SpursRiot2012]

Sure it's not a rebound thing, Slapnut?

[Slapnut]

To be honest, I've probably made that post sound a bit more dramatic than it really is. I'm very much enjoying her company and feeling like a 16 year old at times, but I'm definitely taking it one step at a time. I'm not planning on professing my undying love for her anytime soon.

12 minutes ago, SpursRiot2012 said:

Sure it's not a rebound thing, Slapnut?

May well be, I'm not sure yet. Certainly doesn't feel like it, but I'm well aware that my mind may be all over the place at the moment.

[ReturnOfTheMack]

I met my current fiance the day after my ex wife left me. Ok we didn't get together for a while, but I knew straight away I really liked her. Mind my marriage had been effectively over for over a year, but still.

[Kookoocachu]

This is a positive thing Slapnut, but remember to play it cool for a while. Don't go too deep too quick. 

[Carbomb]

4 minutes ago, Kookoocachu said:

This is a positive thing Slapnut, but remember to play it cool for a while. Don't go too deep too quick. 

We really need a Kenneth Williams emoji for this forum.

[Undefeated Steak]

Minor dilemma, guys. I like a girl and I'm hoping it'll lead to a relationship soon. I'm mates with a girl from work who has a thing for me - she's asked if I wanna go round to hers to watch a film. I'm not interested in her in *that* way, nothing would happen. She knows I like someone else. Do I just tell her I like someone and we can still be mates, but leave it to just hanging around at work and maybe grabbing the odd coffee after work? 

[NoUseforaUsername]

Exactly. Nothing will happen. She just wants to watch a movie. Go for it.

[Surf Digby]

7 hours ago, Undefeated Steak said:

Minor dilemma, guys. I like a girl and I'm hoping it'll lead to a relationship soon. I'm mates with a girl from work who has a thing for me - she's asked if I wanna go round to hers to watch a film. I'm not interested in her in *that* way, nothing would happen. She knows I like someone else. Do I just tell her I like someone and we can still be mates, but leave it to just hanging around at work and maybe grabbing the odd coffee after work? 

What film is it?

[Undefeated Steak]

Love Actually. 

[SuperBacon]

46 minutes ago, Undefeated Steak said:

Love Actually. 

I'd respond "No, actually". 

Horrendous film. 

[Undefeated Steak]

Great idea Bacon. It is. 

[Slapnut]

Just wanted to post an update on the girl I spoke about on the last page. Apologies if this comes across as over dramatic, I'm just a bit of a mess at the moment and it really helps to talk.

So we've been dating for a few weeks and it's been really nice. We spontaneously got Wales vs South Africa tickets 2 hours before kick off a few weeks back, we've been Christmas shopping together, I met her fucking parents, and I stayed over her house four nights on the trot a few weeks ago. However, while I know she likes me a lot, it's been blindingly obvious that she doesn't want to get into a relationship as she's quite fresh out of one that didn't end very well, so I've pretty much been on edge the entire time waiting for her to break it off with me. Well, that came today.

I say she broke it off with me, but I'm being a bit dramatic as there wasn't really anything to break off. We're not an item, as much as it's seemed like we are.

Basically, I stayed around her's last night - her request, not mine - and we hung out as usual. This morning, absolutely nothing seemed out of the ordinary, except for the fact she didn't want to have sex, which is unusual for her. She said that, while she physically wanted to, her mind was telling her not to because of something her mother said to her in the week about sleeping with people she's not in a relationship with. She said that she's enjoyed being single for the last 3 months or so, and she's gone on a bit of a wild one in that time. However, now she's got everything out of her system she wants to take some time to focus on herself for a little while, which includes not seeing me (or any other guys, for that matter) at least until the New Year. She said she feels like she's been relying too heavily on the company of other people (me, in particular) for too long and needs her independence.

She went on to talk about how she really really likes me and she wants to keep me in her life, but she just doesn't want a boyfriend at the moment. Of course, at this stage it's easy to think she's just making excuses because she's not into me, but I'm inclined to believe her because she's a very open and honest person and I know for a fact that she's flat out told other guys before me that she just doesn't want to see them again.

If I'm honest, this has hit me like a tonne of bricks and I've spent the entire day feeling like I've been punched in the stomach and I just want to burst into tears.

Of course, my anxiety is now through the roof and I'm constantly overthinking. "Is there another guy?", "what if she actually doesn't like me and she's just using this as an excuse?", "what if she sleeps with another guy over Christmas?".

It didn't fucking help that we instinctively kissed as she dropped me home, as if a girlfriend were dropping off a boyfriend.

I know it's not necessarily over for good. I mentioned that we should probably just meet in the new year to see how we feel, and she replied with a sort of "well, yeah of course, maybe even sooner". It's just hard not to think of the worst.

So yeah, I'm an absolute fucking state at the moment. Really don't know what to do with myself. I know I got too attached too soon, but it couldn't be helped, and I've purposely not been too over-eager in expressing how much I like her at the risk of scaring her off.

Again, sorry if it seems like I'm being too dramatic. I know this probably doesn't seem too bad compared to others' problems, it's just made me feel absolutely awful and it just helps to talk.

[Armitage Shanks]

@Slapnut sounds like she's just trying to slow things down abit. It's christmas period and people who have just come out of a relationship are quite vulnerable emotionally. I'd just play it cool, the new year is only 2 weeks away and she's even said that she may even see you sooner. Chances are she'll miss you over the christmas period and want to see you. Just take it slow, 4 night stay overs can be quite intense when only dating. Good Luck.

[Carbomb]

Return Of The Mab is not far wrong, actually. Christmas is already an emotional time for people, especially for those whose lives have recently experienced emotional turmoil prior - the festive period has a tendency to exacerbate it in people's minds, as they're experiencing life in contrast to all these seemingly happy people around them. I wouldn't be so sure to say she'll definitely miss you, but I think you're more likely to get a more considered and proportionate response from her after the period, whether it be a positive one or negative one. As you can't know which one it'll be, it's wise not to let your imagination get the better of you. Just give her time. That feeling like you've been punched in the stomach, I know it very well - best thing you can do is be with friends and family, and talk to them about it. They should be able to give you the emotional support that will help you out of this blue mood.

[uklaw]

I hope people don’t mind me digging this thread up but I always found it a great help to me and hopefully to others who shared their experiences. 

I have no particular updates of my own (outside of my ongoing relationship) but was hoping others who contributed have made positive progress/developments.