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Kookoocachu

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Everything posted by Kookoocachu

  1. In regards to the therapy, I’ve been in the system since I was about 9/10 thanks to a particularly abusive childhood. In 2012 I had a pretty horrific experience where I had a breakdown and ended up being assaulted by a Male mental health nurse. It still effects me to this day and it’s taken a lot for me to put any kind of trust in the system again. No amount of apologies can take away how it’s made me feel as you can imagine. In their own words I’m a complicated case (diagnosed with not only depression but also complex ptsd from childhood and the incident). They simply don’t have the therapists that specialise in what I have here on the island). On Chris and grief. I have imagined in my head talking to him in texts and even as if he’s here with me. It does help a bit, but then I get upset that he’s not here or that he can’t read my messages or pick up my calls. Life after narcissists is hard but I’m proud of myself with how far I’ve come. For the first time in my life I love myself and it’s a weird feeling. I know Chris would be so proud of me. Narcissists aren’t completely out of my life though as my parents are too. It’s taken years to figure out but how my childhood and I ended up all makes sense. I don’t vlog anymore, no. I’m solely on Twitch now but funny you should say because my viewers always ask me when I’m coming back to YouTube. I’ve simply fallen out of love with the platform. Plus I never do anything interesting to vlog anyway. If you’re bored in the mornings I do coffee chats where we all sit and put the world to rights if you’re interested. Same username.
  2. Sesame seared tofu salad. Delicious! 😋
  3. Lilou got a shave (thanks to ‘rona) Fur has grown a lot since then, she gets mistaken for a puppy everywhere we go now.
  4. Right!? I can’t keep a house plant alive for five minutes, how have I kept a child alive for twelve?
  5. Hey friends. Some of you know I’ve struggled with my mental health since childhood, battling it and coping with it isn’t anything new to me. But right now I’m really struggling. A year ago in a few days time I managed to get out of yet another one of my terrible relationships, he was narcissist and at some points I was so low I was suicidal. Dyllan is the only reason I didn’t act on these thoughts. I’ve spent a year single now giving myself time to heal and learn to love myself, I was doing really well (special mention goes to Frankie for being there for me as always). Then I lost my best friend. Everything then seemed to spiral. I have a lot of stress in my life with my illness, financial difficulties, high functioning autistic son etc etc but I had a good grip on it all. I just lost all ability to cope. I’ve lost the person I would message about anything and everything, good and bad. I’m crippled with guilt that I couldn’t afford to travel to see him one last time before he died so I could say goodbye. There are days I can’t stop crying because I miss him so much. I’m getting there, I think, but god is it hard. I’ve just finished what feels like my millionth round of therapy. I want to look at private therapy now but who on earth has that kind of money? I could make a donation goal on my Twitch channel, but that pot would run out very quickly. I feel very alone even though I know I have a few friends, although far away. Thank goodness I have Dyllan and my dog. I don’t know if anyone has any wise words but I just needed to get it off my chest to people that knew Chris too.
  6. You guys were amongst the first few people I told that I was pregnant. I can’t believe that was over 12 years ago now.
  7. How on Earth is this young man 12 next month? His entire life is within this thread. Mental.
  8. This thread is glorious. My brother and I used to pull all nighters laughing at the shopping channels. We would also convince our parents to buy some of the things, to be used once and to sit on the kitchen floor for eternity afterwards. To this day the Jack Lelanne Power Juicer is still on the floor gathering dust.
  9. Threre's a fair few of us who changed names too.
  10. Alcohol in cooking is absolutely fine as the alcohol is cooked off.
  11. A thread for parents and parents to be of the UKFF!!!Who has kids? Who has a baby on the way?Best memories? Pictures?? Anything goes :thumbsup:I'm currently pregnant with my 1st, should be about 5-6 weeks, but not exactly sure, still waiting for the midwife to call to sort out an urgent dating scan for me as the doctor thought i might be 10weeks along!!!!Anyway, by MY dates, i think ill be due in bewteen sept 29th and oct 4th. Got alot of horrible symptons allready i cant get anything to shift the sickness or the constant exhaustion :(Apparently this is all worth it??? lol
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