Mr_Danger Posted October 4, 2017 Share Posted October 4, 2017 (edited) Its a tricky one. Given that the issues clearly lie with your gf and not yourself I'd find a way to yell her in the most casual way possible as if you sit her down and explain to her the woman shes going to work with once knocked your drunken attempt back then her jealous mind will over play it in all sorts of ways. Likewise if she finds out from a third party. Whatever you do you really need to sit your lady down and work on her trust issues and get to the root of this all. I'm willing to bet she's been cheated on on the past and you're paying for the sins of another. Edited October 4, 2017 by Mr_Danger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Chest Rockwell Posted October 4, 2017 Moderators Share Posted October 4, 2017 Yeah I think tell her. But in the nicest way possible let her know it's her trust issue that she needs to find a way to deal with and you are telling her to try to help her with that. You certainly don't have anything to feel guilty for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Briefcase Posted October 4, 2017 Share Posted October 4, 2017 I would say nothing and if the truth comes out say you were too pissed and don't even remember. It was an attempted drunken kiss after all. Its one of them where whatever you do or won't do will not win, you tell her it brings up trust issues, say nothing to protect her...and your lying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simonworden Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 Briefcase has it. If it was a drunken thing one time at one event not remembering it should fly. My wife can be similar but it's very common in Asia as many husband's have mistresses so lack of trust is cultural. I tend to not mention anything at all and if she crossed paths with an old flame which is super rare in a city of 13 mil the "saving face" culture keeps it quiet. I'd suspect nothing will get said we have a bit of the above in the UK unless people are getting more open, emotional and dare I say Americanised since I left. I hope the British not wanting to make a fuss lives on a little longer! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Otto Dem Wanz Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 She's got her interview on Tuesday, haven't heard anything about her talking to girl beforehand but if she does and/or she gets the job - I think I'm going to tell her. Extremely nervous about it though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Otto Dem Wanz Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 Sorry for double posting but I've decided I'm not actually going to tell her, what will it do besides cause more distrust and a sore point in our relationship? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members SpursRiot2012 Posted October 5, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted October 5, 2017 I have to say, I really feel like your girlfriend is the unreasonable party in this situation. Has she had partners before that really abused her trust? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Otto Dem Wanz Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 (edited) I don't know pal, I've never asked as I'm a bit hesitant to press her on that stuff - i know she's had a 'crazy' year living abroad before she met me that she says she describes as a time she'd never want to go back to and I know she had a fella then, not sure if that would explain it though. Edited October 5, 2017 by Otto Dem Wanz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uklaw Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 (edited) Bit of an update: After tapping out of the online dating scene in the Spring, a tad disillusioned from 8 months of rejection and a bit poorer, I received an e-mail at the end of July from the app I was using that I found odd as I thought I had deleted my profile. Turns out I had merely logged out while busy and removed the app from my screen. Anyway, having downloaded said app to investigate the source of the e-mail, I find a few expired matches and general inactivity. Not surprising. A bit of ‘in the moment swiping’ and decided I was wasting my time and removed the app, this time aware my profile still existed. A day later and curiousity led to the app being back on my phone. A few fresh matches appeared but none I found particularly appealing. See, us guys online can be selective as well. But just as I was about to delete for another day, this one match appeared... long story short, we’ve just had our 3rd date and I may be onto a good thing. Watch this space. Just hoping my experiences-induced insecurities don’t re-emerge. Edited October 20, 2017 by uklaw Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Otto Dem Wanz Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 (edited) On 10/4/2017 at 2:31 PM, Otto Dem Wanz said: Thanks for everything so far guys, said other girl is a bit elusive in that I basically never speak to her and haven't had contact in about a year, so I've no idea if she remembers it. Gf uploaded a pic of me and her on Facebook and the girl liked it, whatever you can take from that I don't see the relevance of it either, but I thought that about the other stuff (which I was honest/dumb enough to tell her) and I'm just worried it'll come up somehow and she's going to flip because its another example of me telling her something belatedly and making her feel embarrassed and distrusting of me. If I was going to tell her about it then it'd be if/when/as she starts this new job, or if she, as she has mentioned, arranges a chat with girl in question to sharpen up for her interview. Incredibly surprisingly, I’ve just had a massive blow up about this – actually not the example in question but today a colleague has helpfully insisted to my girlfriend that I had in fact kissed someone at the Xmas party before we were together. I had told her I hadn’t because I was so drunk I don’t even remember, however asking the girl in question to get clarity she said “yeah we did, a bit…”, whatever that means. Anyway, I’ve been told to sleep in my own bed tonight. She’s annoyed I didn’t tell her but I genuinely have no memory of this and was completely upfront about what I remember from that night - which was me and said girl dancing closely and chatting. The way it was described seems to make me think the kissing was pretty unmemorable and not exactly passionate anyway. I should add that this all happened about four months before we were even together. Am I being unreasonable here by arguing back and telling her she’s massively overreacting and has to work on her trust issues? Edit - One more thing, she's so mad at me because I 'lied for months' and wants to know 'why didn't you say you don't remember?' - I told her everything I knew about the night, frantically retrieving details of the night in question so I covered all bases about my recollection of it so it wouldn't come up again. I'm inclined to think 'we may have kissed but I don't remember' wouldn't have pacified her either. Edited October 24, 2017 by Otto Dem Wanz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members wandshogun09 Posted October 24, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted October 24, 2017 57 minutes ago, Otto Dem Wanz said: and wants to know 'why didn't you say you don't remember?' I know the answer to this bit. Because you didn't remember. How are you supposed to remember to tell her about something you don't remember yourself? You're not being unreasonable at all of course, you weren't even together when it happened, but it's one of those things where you can't really win. If you're all apologetic she's going to say 'well if there's nothing in it why are you sorry?' And if you rightly refuse to grovel because you weren't even together at the time then she's going to think you're just an arsehole who doesn't care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members SpursRiot2012 Posted October 24, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted October 24, 2017 I've said before, I think she's totally the unreasonable one in this situation. You're with her and AFAIK haven't given her any reason to distrust you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoUseforaUsername Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 I don't know if this anecdote belongs in this thread, maybe it belongs in the anecdotal thread, but anyway, does/did anyone else have any problems approaching women on nights out? I have never, ever came on to a woman in my life. Any time I have been with a woman she has came on (come on?) to me first. I've never really had any friends, so the absence of a wing man has screwed me over big time I reckon. Also, the fact that I don't dance. Also, the fact that I have the personality of a sponge. Also, the fact that I don't have a sense of humour. Anyways, this a problem for anyone else? I'm terrified they will call me ugly or take the piss out of me if I approach them. What has been the best way to approach a women in your past experiences. It's actually a miracle I've been with as many women as I have - and I'm not bragging - when I think about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Tommy! Posted November 1, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted November 1, 2017 43 minutes ago, NoUseforaUsername said: I have never, ever came on to a woman in my life. Any time I have been with a woman she has came on (come on?) to me first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Surf Digby Posted November 1, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted November 1, 2017 10 hours ago, NoUseforaUsername said: I don't know if this anecdote belongs in this thread, maybe it belongs in the anecdotal thread, but anyway, does/did anyone else have any problems approaching women on nights out? I have never, ever came on to a woman in my life. Any time I have been with a woman she has came on (come on?) to me first. I've never really had any friends, so the absence of a wing man has screwed me over big time I reckon. Also, the fact that I don't dance. Also, the fact that I have the personality of a sponge. Also, the fact that I don't have a sense of humour. Anyways, this a problem for anyone else? I'm terrified they will call me ugly or take the piss out of me if I approach them. What has been the best way to approach a women in your past experiences. It's actually a miracle I've been with as many women as I have - and I'm not bragging - when I think about it. When you've been with as many women as you have, and they always approach you, what advice could we possibly give? Apart from perhaps learning the difference between porn and a random woman in leggings, or addressing the fact that you feel you need a "wing man" to help you target women? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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