Paid Members Gus Mears Posted July 27, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted July 27, 2017 I've lost way more confidence than I actually realised with this bollocks. I never enjoyed online dating, but sort of got on with it before and it generally went OK. It has taken me an age to write a message to someone for the first time in this iteration of it. I don't know quite what has happened to me. Whatever it is, it's shit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Monkee Posted July 29, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted July 29, 2017 (edited) I have no self confidence either and I don't know how to be more confident. I fake it quite easily but I have no self-esteem and I find it hard to talk to guys I like. I've plucked up the courage 3 times in my whole life to tell a guy I liked him and all 3 times it went tits up. I have no idea how to change. I thought losing weight would give me more confidence but it was easier to be overlooked when I was a 24-stone heffer. Edited July 29, 2017 by Monkee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D@mm Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 You can't force it Monkee, just be yourself and the right guy will chat you up, well done for losing weight, I am struggling to lose weight myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Gus Mears Posted July 29, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted July 29, 2017 13 hours ago, Monkee said: I have no self confidence either and I don't know how to be more confident. I fake it quite easily but I have no self-esteem and I find it hard to talk to guys I like. I've plucked up the courage 3 times in my whole life to tell a guy I liked him and all 3 times it went tits up. I have no idea how to change. I thought losing weight would give me more confidence but it was easier to be overlooked when I was a 24-stone heffer. Totally get that Monkee, though my self esteem issues are more around height (I'm 5,5/5,6) as opposed to weight, which I can't really do anything about. Saying that, even if I was 6,2 I would find some other issue to fixate on. It's symptom, not cause. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lightningxlock Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 More of a friendship query, but does anyone else feel like the relationship with their mates is slipping as you've gotten into your late 20's/early 30's? Not in the sense of a dramatic fall out or anything just more of a general 'distance' creeping in. I get that it's not gonna' be like how it was when you were 18, what with jobs, kids, bills etc but it is starting to bum me out quite a bit. My dad always used to tell me it goes like this as you get older and I always wrote it off as bollocks and had a 'nah, not me and my mates' attitude but he's starting to prove me wrong Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Polish Dad Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 That's not been true for me, and I turn 30 next month. If anything, I see more of my friends than I did five years ago. What's changed is what we do. We don't go out drinking anymore, now we go round each other's houses and play boardgames, or Mario Kart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members unfitfinlay Posted July 30, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted July 30, 2017 10 hours ago, lightningxlock said: More of a friendship query, but does anyone else feel like the relationship with their mates is slipping as you've gotten into your late 20's/early 30's? Not in the sense of a dramatic fall out or anything just more of a general 'distance' creeping in. I get that it's not gonna' be like how it was when you were 18, what with jobs, kids, bills etc but it is starting to bum me out quite a bit. My dad always used to tell me it goes like this as you get older and I always wrote it off as bollocks and had a 'nah, not me and my mates' attitude but he's starting to prove me wrong Sort of. I've had one really core group of friends since I was about 15. Now we're all in our mid thirties, it's really hard to get everybody together. Especially since some of them have moved pretty far away and I'm an awkward cunt who works weekends when everybody else is off. I do still see them but, as JohnnyBoy said, it takes a lot more effort and planning. The other thing I've found is that my social circle has expanded massively over the years. I don't see that lot as often as I'd like but I've gradually accumulated other friends who I see more often so it doesn't really feel like a huge deal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Kaz Hayashi Posted July 30, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted July 30, 2017 (edited) On 29/07/2017 at 5:58 PM, lightningxlock said: More of a friendship query, but does anyone else feel like the relationship with their mates is slipping as you've gotten into your late 20's/early 30's? Not in the sense of a dramatic fall out or anything just more of a general 'distance' creeping in. I get that it's not gonna' be like how it was when you were 18, what with jobs, kids, bills etc but it is starting to bum me out quite a bit. My dad always used to tell me it goes like this as you get older and I always wrote it off as bollocks and had a 'nah, not me and my mates' attitude but he's starting to prove me wrong I've got less energy to go out anywhere near as much as I did. I was in a band with 6 of my good friends for around 8 years, gigged on average twice a month and practiced the alternative weeks. At different points I lived with 5 of them, so on top of seeing them daily we all had other mates who would pop around. I'd say late 20's changed all of that, we all went in separate directions and while I'd still call them good friends, I'm lucky if I see some of them once a year. We all know where each other are which is great to know, it's just that there are other priorities to getting wrecked these days.. kids, wife, mortgage.. all things I'm personally very happy about. I do hear of people moaning about the fact they don't have that life anymore. It's all in moderation though, I have a handful of people I work with I'd call real friends and we go for a pint after work on a weekly basis. Also, I still get in the studio with one of my closest friends every other Friday and have a drink and a fuck about with instruments. My wife is cool as fuck and has a lot of really sound friends. Similar ages so some of the have also recently become parents. Due to that I'm pretty close with them now and would easily class then as good mates. It's all about circumstance really and what you get up to. There are also a number of people I would have classes as best mates 10-15 years ago, people I was getting baked with playing games etc, I just know for a fact we'd have nothing in common now and probably won't contact each other again. I'm glad to have known them and wish the best for them, but yeah, you move on. Edited July 30, 2017 by Kaz Hayashi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juan Manforce Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 On 7/29/2017 at 3:02 AM, Monkee said: I have no self confidence either and I don't know how to be more confident. I fake it quite easily but I have no self-esteem and I find it hard to talk to guys I like. I've plucked up the courage 3 times in my whole life to tell a guy I liked him and all 3 times it went tits up. I have no idea how to change. I thought losing weight would give me more confidence but it was easier to be overlooked when I was a 24-stone heffer. The relatability here is too damn high, replace guys with girls and I could've written this almost word for word. I started a new job a couple of months ago and since day one I've had a serious thing for a girl in my team. We get on really well, I manage to make her laugh, and we seem to share a few interests. The amount of times I've considered asking at the end of the week if she fancies going for a drink over the weekend, thought about it all day but then bottled it when the chance comes up. This past week was the last week she was in our team before moving to a different area of the office, so I'll barely get to see her without going out of my way (which I also don't feel confident in doing in case I come off as a creep). I figured Friday was the last chance I would feasibly have to ask her, and... I just slunk into the toilets to avoid the possibility of a rejection. Trying to convince myself that's for the best, which is how low my self esteem is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperBacon Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 On the subject of friends. I don't have any. Not in a jokey "billy no mates" way but I genuinely don't have any and haven't for a long time. From the age of 14-19, I had great mates, from school like most people and we'd spend all the time we had together (unless one of us had miraculously met a girl), and subsequently I had a lot of girl friends, who I lost touch with when they all went to uni. Then I started working when I was 19, and spent the next four years with a new group of "mates" who drank heavily, went out on the smash every weekend and this was Up until I met my wife at 23 when I sorted my shit out. When we met, there was a lot of animosity towards me and her from these so called "mates" and I quickly realised they were just users and not real friends. Throughout my marriage, I really isolated myself with my family (not through anyone else saying so), but if someone at work was being friendly and say asked me out, I'd be a right hermit and say no as I'd want to spend time with my family. Nothing wrong with that? But it was unhealthy and used to drive my wife mad. I met one guy who I became good friends with but he moved to Australia about two years ago. I have people I speak to at work, and around, and play football with the other Dad's every week, occasionally go and watch football with them but I wouldn't consider them friends. There's no one I'd call up and want to chat to or call upon for advice. And I am 32, live on my own and have no friends. Which is pretty sad really. A lot of it is down to my depression and anxiety and I think "why would anyone want to be my friend". Case in point the other week, after football, one Dad had arranged for us to go for drinks then a curry, and I said I was going home to get changed knowing full well I was going to bail after saying I was going all week, and that was because I just couldn't face the social situation. I really don't know what to do, as my ex really worries about me, as she is pretty much the only friend I have, and can turn to and obviously that's not healthy for certain things. Sorry for ranting it's made me feel a bit better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Kaz Hayashi Posted July 30, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted July 30, 2017 @Juan Manforce & @SuperBacon you have both just made my Fucking heart sink, howay lads, let's get this shit sorted. Firstly Juan, on Monday, get your arse over to her new desk assuming she's still in the building and tell her that you want to go for a drink, if she says no, chances are she's seeing someone. Not a problem, she's not on your team so it won't be anywhere near as awkward. Or if you have the same interests but you think 'a drink' is too formal, invite her to a local quiz night or something, with a couple of mates, preferably a couple and take a slower route mate. Don't let this go by though man. Bacon.. right. You clearly have social anxiety, which is a shame for anyone, especially someone who seems like a sound lad on a forum. My advice is to go to events on your own for a little bit and get used to busy places with a fun/positive undertone, such as a gig, or something specific to your hobbies, you have to relearn social situations mate. You've clearly had a knock to confidence and it spirals from there. Do you go to wrestling shows? Or anything in which some of the other sound forum users go to? I've been to loads and would have loved to have had a pint with some of the folks on here, but normally forget to ask who's going. I pre-arranged it once with a couple of lads on here and had a great laugh before and after the show. I've also met HG once or twice at his comedy shows and he seems like a really good egg. Point being you seem to be liked well enough on here mate. Take advantage of that if the situation arises. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperBacon Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 @Kaz Hayashi I really appreciate that, it means a lot. And to others who have shown support. I do actually do quite a bit on my own as I don't know many people locally who like the kind of bands I do. (The amount of tickets I've bought and subsequently abandoned far outweighs it but never mind) I go to gigs on my own quite a bit. I even went to Slamdunk on my own, despite having to be physically put on the train by my ex. Unfortunately a combination of new meds, drinking a few beers and all of the people meant I had a massive anxiety attack but once I spoke to a few people, I was ok. I won tickets to 2000 Trees festival which a few UKFFers went to and was well up for meeting up, but on the day I just couldn't get up and go. The worst thing is, when I feel like this, the only person I can ring is my ex, who is the sweetest, most caring person in the world but there's only so much she can do (and has done for 9 years). She doesn't mind of course, as I'll always be there for her, but all I'd like is to not be so much of a burden for her as she has the kids to deal with, her own shit etc. I just think it's a bit sad that she's still my only and best friend, as it's hard to be close to someone you obviously cannot be with. Unfortunately, I don't speak to a large majority of my family, so I don't even have that support network. I'm actually incredibly jealous of close families and me and my ex do everything we can to make sure our girls still and always will feel like a family no matter what happens. I'm mostly ok on my own, as I've always been a bit reclusive (apart from when I was a very heavy drinker but that was mostly facade), but I just wish I had someone like a good friend that I could call on when I need to. It would be nice. At least I have all of you lovely people... 👍 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Surf Digby Posted July 30, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted July 30, 2017 Whereabouts in the country are you Bacon? There must be someone on here that could suggest/arrange/force you into some sort of small group gathering where there's no pressure to do anything in particular, just to get you into the swing of things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperBacon Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 I live in Weybridge, Surrey mate. Would be well up for meeting up with people, that'd be nice. Big love to you all x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Duke Posted July 31, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted July 31, 2017 I live in Wimbledon mate. Hit me up. Not a gigger I'm afraid, but football season starts soon... That goes for anyone else local too btw, get in touch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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