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Your First Crush

Frankie Crisp

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Let’s be honest, this might end up outing some nonces, but who were your first crushes? Talk about awkward wanks if you really want to.

My first was Margaret from Brookside. I think it was a combo of the accent, the innocence, the red curly hair, the big jumpers and that I wish she was my babysitter. Her getting off with Anna Friel a couple of years later confused me, but then when she fucked off to live with a priest in Bosnia I realised I would always have a chance with any girl. Little did I know.


Meg Ryan was the next one. We moved into our new house in 1990 after my parents split up and my Mum brought this new bloke into our lives. He looked like Alan Shearer and had a moustache like a low-budget Belgian pornstar. I was wary. He tried to win us over with a VHS from the local video store for a few Saturdays on the run. I was having none of it.

Then he brought in When Harry Met Sally. A love film? No ta, you weirdo! Then we watched it. I fell in love with Meg Ryan within minutes even if my willy didn’t know what the hell these little tingles were. 


Then there was Beth Brennan from Neighbours. Bloody hell. The eyes, the accent. I loved her. I hated that blonde surfer twat she was with in the show. Couldn’t pass the Eleven Plus with the answers in front of him and he’s bagged Beth? Strewth. I was devastated when she left Ramsey Street but when she popped up a few years later in the charts, my foreskin was pretty much torn.


Over to you but don’t be weird.

Edited by Frankie Crisp
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Almost certainly would've been Anna Chlumsky in My Girl or Vanessa Paradis in the Joe Le Taxi video.

I suppose my first real crush on an adult woman was Gillian Anderson. 

When that FHM came out in 1996, 11yo me lost his mind.


Vindication that 25ish years on, she is still one of the sexiest people around. 


Buffy was a big moment as well, as I found myself equally attracted to Buffy and Angel, so that was quite a big realisation at a fairly young age.

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The earliest crush that I can recall was this young lady:


That's Penny, Inspector Gadget's highly intelligent niece.

When I was a little bit older, I was taken by Colonel Wilma Deering from Buck Rogers in the 25th Century, portrayed by Erin Gray.


It took a bit of getting used to that this was from the seventies: everybody always looked terrible from what I'd seen of that decade on TV.


Not her, though, and to this day, I think of Wilma Deering as flawlessly attractive, and I'm massively envious of this dildo she's got her eye on.


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Topanga from Boy Meets World. Considering the show started when I was born I missed the main majority of it or wasn't the age I would have made sense of much of it but reruns towards the end I absolutely loved that woman.

The weekly Boy Meets World podcast is my go to for work to listen to because I just love her voice still to this day.

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We're all just here waiting for @Thunderplexto chip in, aren't we?

For me it was Kylie Minogue. I was probably 6 at the time, but had her posters all over my wall and a little Kylie pillow.

8 minutes ago, Lorne Malvo said:

Rachel Stevens from S Club 7

...and this was my teenage crush. My fucking lord, she was so gorgeous. Definitely somebody that would age incredibly well too, if at all. 

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