Jesus Fucking Christ

[Surf Digby]

I used to work with someone that thought the Moon was just what we called the Sun at night.

[Loki]

5 hours ago, FelatioLips said:

Those who don’t read the Big Brother thread will have missed the other night where housemate Chanelle got into a debate of how she believes there’s two moons. One on our side of the planet and one on Australia’s. The fact sometimes the moon is big and sometimes it’s little means it’s not the same moon.

I know it's a spurious connection, but this reminded me of a somewhat awkward night spent in bed with a girl who believed than men had two... orifices, one for shitting and one for anal sex.  

[Surf Digby]

If only. 

You'd save a fortune on laundry, right lads? 

Lads?

[garynysmon]

There’s an old bloke at my sweatbox of a gym that always complaints its ‘chilly’ and insists on switching all the fans off upon waltzing in.

If I ever go awol from here I’ll be in Walton Prison.

[Mr_Danger]

On 11/3/2023 at 11:01 PM, Loki said:

I know it's a spurious connection, but this reminded me of a somewhat awkward night spent in bed with a girl who believed than men had two... orifices, one for shitting and one for anal sex.  

And that folks is the origin story of the Loki Poki.

[SuperBacon]

Could go in a million threads but this feels most appropriate. 

[DavidB6937]

They're still fucking milking that shit?

[tiger_rick]

21 hours ago, DavidB6937 said:

They're still fucking milking that shit?

They're flogging pies now. 10p to Trussell Trust from every pie.

[Merzbow]

Soy faced cunts, do they know any other expression?

[Tim Healys Chutney Spoon]

40 minutes ago, tiger_rick said:

They're flogging pies now. 10p to Trussell Trust from every pie.

Bet Pukka and the pricks make more than 10p profit from the pies...

[Carbomb]

4 hours ago, Big'Olympic_Hero'Pete said:

Pukka and the pricks

Now I know what I'm calling my punk band

[WyattSheepMask]

I bet they’ve ruined the pie with Craberry, fucking Tory cunts

[Devon Malcolm]

One more reason why the Trafford Centre is fucking shit.

[Frankie Crisp]

So. I’ve really been trying to get myself in better shape the last few months. Every now and again, I’d go through these little bursts of running, boxing etc. but it invariably gets fucked off because I never really had the motivation or desire to look after myself.

In the last few months, though, I’ve tried. I’ve really tried. Running most days, waking rather than driving and more importantly, eating much, much better than I have done in my entire adult life.

The main reason for the upturn in self-care is my wonderful girlfriend and wanting to be a better person for her and - quite frankly - not wanting to die on her with a big massive stroke or heart attack or whatever.

Anyway, I’ve now got a PT. He’s fucking sadistic. He breaks me every single time but do you know what, he’s brilliant. I’ve lost a good load of beef and I’m sticking to his nutrition plan. No junk food, no crap and I’m loving the stuff he’s put me on to. Porridge, protein, water, good veg, fruit. All that shite. All the stuff I’d usually swerve for ten McDonald’s hash browns, but here I am.

Anyway, I’ve been really happy with my progress and thinking I’m doing well. This morning, my PT had to cancel today’s session right in the middle of the worst morning of my professional life; EVERYTHING went wrong and my head just went. I lost it. I didn’t give a fuck. 

I came home, ordered the biggest kebab from the place around corner and devoured it, maybe just to give me that guilt/pleasure thing but I told myself it was one slip and it wouldn’t be a big problem. I’ve lost loads of weight and I deserve it after such a bad day and let’s be honest, I can work the calories off, so what’s the worst that can happen?

I’ve just been for a shit and broke the toilet seat. 

Maybe I haven’t lost that much weight.

Jesus Fucking Christ.

Edited November 22, 2023 by Frankie Crisp

[Hannibal Scorch]

@Frankie Crisp I was going to call bullshit on your story, until I saw the fork. Well played.