The Relationship Thread

[King of Hamptons]

Some help needed if anyone can

There's a women who comes to my Slimming World group, ive fancied her for a while and finally after a few weeks decided to add her on facebook. She accepted  and i started to talk to her I asked her out for a coffee and she said she wasn't currantly dating, but Turns out we both like the same stuff ( Sci-Fi, Star Wars, Horror) We've talked on Facebook most nights the past few weeks. She's not seen the new Star Wars film yet, So I menstioned i'm going next week if you want to come. We're doing that on Monday. Theres been a bit of flirting... but im great at spotting that kind of thing So i could be wrong...


I dont want to rush in and go to quick with this. Buti'm not sure what to do next. I enjoy our chats and ive said to her that I was thinking about her today, I just wanted to get home and chat to her.

Where do i go from here ?? Dont push it ?
 

Also i understand asking the internet for daing advice is a tad risky....

[Tommy!]

Willingly coming to Star Wars with you?

 

Listen to Auntie Beyonce and put a ring on it.

As long as it isn't your tongue, germs and all that.

[UK Kat Von D]

Have you got any really cool cinemas in your area? If you like the bird don't try and play it cool just go for it. If you start going out with her straight away you'll be able to double up on Christmas and Anniversay gifts

 

There's a place in Brum called the Electric where I take girls who I like. They have sofas at the back and you can order drinks and fancy food to where you are sat. If you can find something like that you'll look like a boss

[Chest Rockwell]

She's into you. Go for it. Don't be coy.

[bAzTNM#1]

If she's "not currently dating", she's "not currently dating". Back off a bit. Hugs and Kisses, Baz.

[Thunderplex]

Sounds like some good old fashioned dating to me buddy. That's how I started it all with my wife, we started off as buddies and it moved on from there. Just went out a few times, and it all happens naturally. You have mutual interests so chat won't be a problem. Give it time and all will be good.

[King of Hamptons]

Cheers People 

[Professor Paul's Bin]

I'm not one to post about my personal life much just wanted some opinions or some advice from anybody who has been in my boat before..

 

I split up with my ex girlfriend in May. She told me she had started cheating on me 9 months ago with another lad. It sucked massively we had been together for 6 and a half years..

 

For about 4 weeks I was in denial (thought we'd sort things out and booking shit) and then started seeing someone quickly after. About 6 weeks in she meets me to tell me how much she loves me and how important I am to her after I go to see Bad Religion on my own pissed in August. I feel weird for a few days and call it off with the girl I'm seeing. I was certain at the time it wasn't a rebound then I realised it really was.

 

Then suddenly around mid August it hits me like a ton of bricks and I feel like shit for the next few months. I have had the odd one night stand and they make me feel worse.. Joined POF and Tinder but I really can't be bothered with women full stop. In about October she added me back on Facebook but then deleted me within the hour.

 

Meanwhile in this time from August - December I've gone through a really odd stage where I'm making an utter cock of myself when out pissed, got my 8 tattoos within 11 weeks and I just can't think straight. I thought I was over it the other week and then Christmas came and I once again realised I'm not.

 

When we broke up she moved away.. I live in North Wales and she moved to Liverpool. When breaking up she mentioned the distance wouldn't work but she's with the lad who she cheated on me with who lives in Manchester.. So that was a lie. I've been worried about her coming back to North Wales for Christmas and knew I'd end up bumping into her. Then in Tesco this afternoon I bumped into her and decided to call her over. I've got loads of things I'd want to say some nice and some not so nice. Obviously I wasn't going to cause a scene in a supermarket so I decided to be friendly and ask her how she was. We spoke for a few minutes but I found it extremely difficult and I was abit chocked up. And after leaving I felt abit upset. Now I'm wondering what is she thinking and hoping she some how contacts me, is that bad?!

 

Anyway I know it depends from every person but how long does it take to get over this shit?

[air_raid]

We spoke for a few minutes but I found it extremely difficult and I was abit chocked up. And after leaving I felt abit upset. Now I'm wondering what is she thinking and hoping she some how contacts me, is that bad?!

 

It's not bad, it's understandable. Wanting to revert to when you were happier is human nature and wanting to be close to/talk to someone that made you happy makes sense, emotionally. Only problem is, she cheated on you, so you might be best off, hard as it sounds, trying to get past wanting to get back together and in time, wanting anything to do with her. Otherwise you're always going to look at her and see betrayal. I took back an ex that I only suspected had cheated on me, no evidence, and it was the dumbest thing I ever did and a waste of the next 12 months. Once trust has gone, you've got nothing. I never trusted my mrs/ex truly and when I did a little digging I found out not only had she been cheating on me, she was just about to start doing so again. Broke up with her for good and hated myself worse than ever.

 

I'm not saying people can't split up then reconcile, and I know people that have and really made a success of things second time round - marriage, kids etc - but I'd draw the line at some that's cheated on you.

 

Anyway I know it depends from every person but how long does it take to get over this shit?

 

I invite replies from people that have gotten over this shit, because I don't think I ever really have.

[SpursRiot2012]

I still sometimes think nostalgically about my girlfriend before my current one. Sure it was a meth filled nightmare but it was interesting.

[Professor Paul's Bin]

Thanks for your words and sharing your experience. Sounds like you had a rough time too.

 

I've just found the whole thing one of the most difficult things I've gone through. One day I think I'm fine and then the next day I feel like utter shit. It's annoying to not know what your actually thinking or feeling. I think added to it a difficult break up is the uncertainty of what is next.. I pictured my future with her and that all went to shit! Still living with parents and working day to day for the odd night on the piss.

 

In 2011 I finished her for a few months to get with another girl after we'd had a bad year when I was in Uni and her Dad got ill. I felt guilty and got back with her and also made me realise How much I cared about her. I look back and resent myself for doing this and feel that this is what lead to what happened this year. She'd take the opportunity to mention it every other week and it did drive me round the twist but it was one of the biggest mistakes I've made. But she might have felt like the trust wasn't there anymore as you said before.

 

Very interesting hearing you say people not getting over this shit. What I struggle with is somebody I spent over 25% of my life with would fuck me off royally like she did.

[King Pitcos]

Very interesting hearing you say people not getting over this shit. What I struggle with is somebody I spent over 25% of my life with would fuck me off royally like she did.

 

Yeah, I personally go with "never, really" as the answer to how long it takes. But I think it all depends on how introspective you are, and self-esteem and all that type of bollocks. There'd be some lads now who'd be over it fairly quick. But if you're the sort to fixate on the past and on her not acting the way you wish she would, it's gonna take ages, if ever. You can't change what she's done or what she's doing now -- you can change how much you torture yourself with those things, though it's easier said than done and I give in to the wallowing on a daily basis. I feel that perhaps it takes someone else to fix you, but you can't really fall in love with someone else while you're still broken.

[wandshogun09]

Some good advice in here.

 

There wasn't any cheating when I broke up with my ex but we got together when we were about 15 and split when we were 22/23. So I totally get why you're so broken up about it. It's a right headfuck when you've spent a big chunk of your life with someone and then it just ends.

 

The best piece of advice I can give, for what it's worth, is to talk about it with people. On here, in person, family members, friends, whatever. Don't bottle shit up and try to cope on your own or you'll go nuts.

 

In 2007 I lost a daughter (stillborn), my nan (who I was really close to) and broke up with my girlfriend (who I'd been with since we were at school). And I wouldn't talk about any of it with family or friends or even my girlfriend really, which is partly what lead to the breakup. I only started functioning properly again because my mum and younger sister forced me to open up about it all. My little sister is probably my closest family member and seeing how worried she was for me was the kick up the arse I needed.

 

I'm married now and have a beautiful two year old daughter but I still have my days when I feel down about what happened back then. Especially around this time of year when I think the daughter me and my ex lost would've been 8 years old now. But as fucked up as it is, you have to get up in the morning and carry on or this shit will dominate your life. I don't mean to get all deep but I was rock bottom as well back then, proper went off the rails for a bit but at some point you'll find a way to get on with things. Maybe not 'get over it' but you'll find a way to deal with it as long as you don't try to bottle things up and be all macho about it like I did. Fuck that. I wanted to just stay indoors and get wrecked all the time. If I'd carried on like that I'd have never met the girl who I'm now married to, never had my daughter, fuck knows where I'd be now.

 

Shit, this post got dark. Just making the point that this will pass. It probably doesn't feel like it now but it will.

 

It sounds harsh but I would try to cut all ties with her if you can and try to occupy yourself with something else. You naturally want to see her again but it's only going to hold you back more. Don't take this the wrong way but even the way you talk about her it's like you're trying to justify her behaviour and blaming yourself for why she cheated. Like air_raid says, if you can't trust her then what's the point even trying to speak to her anymore if you don't have to? Because it's going to make you feel worse in the long run.

 

I'd try to cool off the drinking while you feel like this as well. I know it's not easy but nothing good comes from getting smashed while you're already feeling depressed. For a lot of people, alcohol seems to accentuate whatever mood they're already in so if you feel low, drinking heavily is probably going to make you feel even lower.

 

Chin up mate. Give it time and you'll be alright. Just sounds like it's still raw at the minute and the rebound girl has muddied the waters even more.

[Monkee]

Where do i go from here ?? Dont push it ?

 

Take it easy. Just because she's said yes to Star Wars doesn't necessarily mean anything (none of my female friends are into it as much as me so I went to see it on my own) so just be casual. You could book the tickets in advance and then pay for her as a nice gesture. After the cinema, maybe suggest going for a bite to eat and see how it goes.

[King Coconut]

Good advice in the relationship thread?? Fucking Christmas.