The Relationship Thread

[Thunderplex]

You seem to be a man who appreciates an argument from function. How do you feel about things going in your bum?

Cannot imagine anything worse. Must be painful. Quickly approaching the age where investigations are a common occurrence, not looking forward to that in the slightest.

 

That's why I always say never think of homosexuals as anything else than legit tough guys. They happily have stuff crammed up the arse just for fun. Fun.

 

What a subject for Christmas morning.....

[UK Kat Von D]

Powerbottoms are especially tough as they are capable of receiving an enormous amount of power

[Undefeated Steak]

I apologise for posting such a depressing question today but I need some advice. I was working with a woman (10 years older than me) earlier this year. She was one of a small group of us who would hang around after work and go for a few drinks together. She was married but after a few weeks she started coming onto me quite frequently. At first I laughed it off, I wasn't interested in her. I soon made made it clear I wasn't interested but it barely made any difference. After a few weeks, she told me she loved me and that I was all she could think about. I made it even clearer that I wasn't interested in her and even pretended that I was getting back with an ex and didn't want that jeapordising.

 

It got worse, and by this point I was outright avoiding her but she had that thing most women have where they magically know where you are at any given time, and she would show up at the worst possible times. I actually started to get on really well with another couple of girls, and she became a fucking problem, spoiling pretty much any chance I had with them. There were a couple of times I'd go for a pint after work, she'd turn up, and I would tell her I wasn't able to talk to her. She'd sit elsewhere in the bar and follow me to the next one. Thankfully she'd told her husband, the gym rat, that I was gay and wasn't a threat. That was nice of her. 

 

I was fucking hammered one night, had been on it for a couple of days and - would you guess? - she turned up. I was ready for bed by this point and used it as an excuse to head home. My flat mate (he didn't understand the scale of the problem) ended up inviting her back. I I couldn't get to sleep, surprise surprise, so decided to drink myself into oblivion. The woman comes into my bedroom, gets in my bed and I'm telling her that I need to sleep. She wouldn't fuck off and I ended up half fucking her for about 2 minutes (didn't cum, pulled out - said I didn't want to) and fell asleep.

 

I didn't mention it again, felt fucking awful because of it. I can live with that. But then....

 

A couple of months later she told me she was pregnant and that she hadn't slept with anyone else in months and that it had to be mine. She showed me a pregnancy test and, sure enough, it said pregnant.

 

I'm usually against abortion - but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't glad when she said she'd get it terminated.

 

I thought that was it but before long, the next plot twist was her saying the termination hadn't worked. She said she was going for another. That was it, I left that job, I'd had enough - She ended up leaving the very next day. Fucking madness. I avoided her and a few weeks later I got a call from her saying she'd been for the second termination and it had worked.

 

That was the last I'd heard from her.

 

I'm not on Facebook but found her page a couple of weeks back to make sure there's no pregnancy pics - there weren't - although she had a picture with a new fella, with the caption along the lines of "With the love of ma life x". Fantastic.

 

Right, the big issue that I'm facing now is that I'm having a hard time not telling my mother. On one hand, I think she deserves to know, but 90% of me is saying not to. If it was somebody else in my shoes, I'd probably know it was a load of bullshit but because it's me, I'm having that doubt. I know my mother's not the best with secrets and I don't want anybody else finding out. I've only discussed it with a couple of other people. I know if my mother found out, she'd either contact that woman (which is the last thing I need) - and probably everyone else in the family too.

 

I usually don't have an issue keeping secrets but I've just had an urge to tell her, it was almost overwhelming earlier (it's subsided since I've written this).

 

Part of me thinks she wasn't ever pregnant (she was always buying shite off the internet so it wouldn't surprise me if she bought a fake test) but on the other hand what if she was pregnant and my mother's grandchild was aborted? Or, what if she was pregnant and didn't get it terminated. Or what if she is, but it isn't mine? I just can't see how dipping it in for a couple of minutes is enough.

 

This was all a few months ago but it's the urge to tell my mother that I'm having difficulty with. I know it's best if I don't tell her but I'm not sure if that's the right thing? I'm usually pretty good at keeping my emotions in check but I'm feeling a mixture of guilt and some strange OCD-like desire to tell her.

 

Thanks.

[Steve Justice]

I don't understand why you feel the need to tell your mum. It's your business and no one else's.

 

The woman sounds like a complete nut job, and I would hazard a guess she's been talking bullocks. However, you only need to dip it in once and there's a chance of pregnancy. I'm more concerned that you have essentially been raped though.

[Undefeated Steak]

I can't put my finger on exactly why I want to tell her. She's been quite ill recently though so I'm assuming it's some kind of subconscious reaction to dealing with it. I think I was just looking for a response like you've given, more than anything. 

 

Yeah, complete nutjob. No doubt about it.

 

Re the rape, that's essentially what it is. Rightly or wrongly, I wasn't going to go any further with it/report it and managed to disregard it had ever really happened, which would've been fine until the pregnancy stuff.

I appreciate the reply, Steve. 

[Tommy!]

You seem to be a man who appreciates an argument from function. How do you feel about things going in your bum?

I had a woman stick a finger up there with no warning.

Not painful and neither pleasant or unpleasant, just gave me a slightly constipated feel. The thought of getting bad piles put me right off the moment too, that and it's the arse which I mentally associate with being dirty.

She could do what she liked, I was staying away from hers regardless.

 

Now when she spit in my face and slapped me, that was ace.

[EdgarTheSlouch]

Don't listen to the party poopers, Malbranque. Fuck all these medical facts. Keep munching. All the best things to eat are supposedly bad for you. It's never done me any harm. You could eat your dinner off my wife's bumhole though (you're all invited). Keep at it. Plus think of her feelings. She'll wonder why you're suddenly declining her offer of the backdoor buffet when you used to partake with reckless abandon. You can't do that to her.

 

Saying that...

 

You can indeed get sick from licking buttholes,I think it happened to my girlfriend after eating my butt

I have never let a girl lick my arse. I don't think I could. 1) I know exactly what comes out of my arse. I know shit's shit and no-one's is going to taste like Ben & Jerry's but I know mine too well. I wouldn't inflict the filthy warehouse from which it's produced on a lady's lovely mouth. 2) I'd never be able to kiss her again knowing the vile, dark depths her mouth has been to. And 3) I'd feel a bit like a bitch lying back having that done to me.

 

Merry Christmas, balloon knot enthusiasts.

 

[SpursRiot2012]

Yeah, Steak, I was gonna say that you were kinda raped. As far as telling your mum, I don't know what it would achieve except make you feel better. But in doing so, you may make her feel sad.

[Undefeated Steak]

Yeah, Steak, I was gonna say that you were kinda raped. As far as telling your mum, I don't know what it would achieve except make you feel better. But in doing so, you may make her feel sad.

 

Thanks Riot - really good perspective, I didn't look at it that way. Again with the rape, I know it might not be the right choice but she already has a son and he's a pretty good lad. He's only about 12, couldn't imagine what it would do to him having his mum whipped away on a rape charge. 

[SpursRiot2012]

 

 

Yeah, Steak, I was gonna say that you were kinda raped. As far as telling your mum, I don't know what it would achieve except make you feel better. But in doing so, you may make her feel sad.

Thanks Riot - really good perspective, I didn't look at it that way. Again with the rape, I know it might not be the right choice but she already has a son and he's a pretty good lad. He's only about 12, couldn't imagine what it would do to him having his mum whipped away on a rape charge.

I relate it to when I told my girlfriend I sorta kinda cheated, without sex. It made me feel less guilty but she didn't get over it for months.

[Mr_Danger]

I'd imagine the whole ordeal has been pretty traumatic for you Steak and telling your mum would give you that warm feeling of reassurance and safety that only a parent can give you. There's no way she was pregnant though, sounds like nut job bollocks. You give her a couple of pumps and don't remember spunking, she just happened to be ovulating and then her abortion didn't work. All combined it seems highly unlikely.

[Undefeated Steak]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was all bollocks - so much of what she said didn't add up. It only takes that slight bit of doubt though and it almost consumes you. Again, thank you to each of you for replying. I feel 100x better now, like a weight's been lifted off me. It'd been building up quite a lot recently and at one point this afternoon it was pretty unbearable.

[Guest]

I rimmed my gf once and she didnt give a shit (LOL punnage) then 1 night to Sort Of return the Sort Of favour i got a little finger up mine and it drove me fuckin crazy never known anythin like it (Im p. sure Folks With Penises are meant to be way more bothered about that stuff anyways). So how do I say 'yes, that every time please' or "you can try a thumb if you like"

we're not farm animals like some of youse we're quite a repressed coupleand also i have no clue how to interact with human beans (done pretty well for myself consodering tho)

im only posting this cos our skype call unexpectedly disconnected ffs #HastagThatFeelWhen

Edited December 26, 2015 by sj5522

[Mr_Danger]

Repressed or not she's probably had to put up with blokes trying to shove stuff up her arse all her sexual life so she'd no doubt be more than happy to have a go on yours on a regular basis. Get her to doit in the heat of the moment when inhibitions are running wild and after a couple of go's i'm sure she'll get the hint.

 

It's not for me to be honest and when the Mrs did have a go she didn't get to the old g-spot before I blocked her off but after my prostate was aggressively caved in by my doctors giant finger the other month i'll never let Mrs Danger go down brown town again.

[Metallica]

Powerbottoms are especially tough as they are capable of receiving an enormous amount of power

 

Actually...