Simple stuff you can't do

[King Coconut]

4 hours ago, Chest Rockwell said:

It is really easy. I get not knowing how to do it, but if you know how to do it you definitely would be able to do it. It's not a technically difficult thing to do that requires any particular level of co-ordination. 

Edit: per what Johnny said below - that's to put the spare wheel on. Actually changing the tyre is impossible to do yourself at home. 

And the only two tools you need for the job are normally provided free in the boot.

[Callum1993]

When I went to Uni I was given a load of tinned food by my Grandparents. I got there and realised I had no idea how to use a Tin Opener. Several YouTube tutorial videos later and I eventually got it. Wasn’t my proudest moment. 

[Keith Houchen]

1 hour ago, King Coconut said:

And the only two tools you need for the job are normally provided free in the boot.

You keep your phone and the mechanics number in your boot?

[Sphinx]

I opened my first bottle of wine with a corkscrew recently and was chuffed. The corkscrew we had before was one with the two arms that are meant to lift it out, but I'd have no idea what I was doing with it and end up cocking the cork up. At social events, when I realised I'd bought a bottle with a cork in it, I'd take the bottle with corkscrew to another room and attempt to open it away from any spectators whilst watching YouTube tutorials on my phone. This one was more of a standard one and I was by myself.

Also can't swim, tie a tie properly, or do my shoelaces in the standard way with any speed (I do the two bunny ears way).

Edited September 26, 2023 by Sphinx

[TibBo]

On 9/25/2023 at 9:42 AM, Lorne Malvo said:

If I'm pouring milk or juice from a carton, it seems to come out in blobs and splashes everywhere and half of it ends up going down the outside of the glass.

If it’s a carton with a twisty lid, make sure the spout is at the top and the reservoir of the carton is closest to the glass….it’ll pour perfect every time then without the stop/starts

[Max Power]

Can't burp. Don't know how you're supposed to do it. Do you push from your diaphram or just your neck or throat. I can only imagine how satisfying it must be to let a decibel crushing belch out. You bastards.

[SuperBacon]

What. The. Fuck. 

[Harry Wiseau]

48 minutes ago, Max Power said:

Can't burp. Don't know how you're supposed to do it. Do you push from your diaphram or just your neck or throat. I can only imagine how satisfying it must be to let a decibel crushing belch out. You bastards.

So if you have an Alka Seltzer does your stomach explode and you die? Like pigeons and / or seagulls?  

 

I don't think I've ever thought about how I burp, it just happens, I open my mouth and the chaos ensues. If someone slaps your back does it help like winding a baby? 

 

We need more on this. This is a big one.

[Wretch]

Do you mean you can’t make yourself burp on command? 

[DavidB6937]

I can't swallow pills which is always annoying.

Burping though. I could probably do with doing that less..

[FLips]

27 minutes ago, Wretch said:

Do you mean you can’t make yourself burp on command? 

He must mean that because not being able to burp sounds like a serious medical condition.

[Onyx2]

In contrast to all these balloon uninflaters, we need to team up. I can blow up balloons no problem, veritable windbag that I am. 

However tying the end up? Not a chance. I just wrap my finger into the mix and the rubbery bastard raspberries away. 

[SuperBacon]

All this talk of balloon knots has got me thinking I hope @Scott Malbranque is OK:)

[Max Power]

11 hours ago, FelatioLips said:

He must mean that because not being able to burp sounds like a serious medical condition.

No I can't do those big burps that people seem to do. Like if I'd had a big meal or a few fizzy drinks and people can let these massive belches out. Can't do it - don't know how. Nor can I remember burping involuntarily. I can fart with the best of them mind.

41 years old and haven't died from an Alka Seltzer related overdose either - although from the sound of it there's still time.

Edit: my wife has tried to rub my back/wind me etc but this doesn't work. It's all a bit odd really.

Edited September 27, 2023 by Max Power

[Loki]

I'm with you @Max Power.  I have never been able to do those belches, or burping the Star Spangled Banner or whatever.  I almost never involuntarily burp either.  I guess the air comes out the other end.