Simple stuff you can't do

[BomberPat]

14 minutes ago, SuperBacon said:

You don't have either of those things in Jersey? I never ever knew that, interesting. 

Jersey's not in the UK, so nope - separate government, so a lot of the admin is different, either entirely different things that you need to do, or the terminology is different. You're not covered by the NHS there, so have to pay to see a GP, and for most non-emergency hospital services. 

[SuperBacon]

14 minutes ago, BomberPat said:

Jersey's not in the UK, so nope - separate government, so a lot of the admin is different, either entirely different things that you need to do, or the terminology is different. You're not covered by the NHS there, so have to pay to see a GP, and for most non-emergency hospital services. 

I knew it wasn't in the UK, just didn't know you didn't have the NHS (although I suppose I now can see why you wouldn't be covered by it) 

Thanks, that's interesting.

Private doctors must make a fortune lopping off all those sixth fingers and toes

[johnnyboy]

3 hours ago, Loki said:

Mind you... a lot of it I reckon is embarrassment.

Which can also be why your parents never taught you something in the first place, to cover their own blushes.  My Dad has many skills in life, but with DIY he's beyond inept.  He would not know what end of a paintbrush to use so asking him how many coats of Dulux to use would be pointless.

[Ronnie]

I can't shoot straight.

I don't understand why because nothing about it seems mysterious: get the sight pointing at the target; keep the gun steady; pull the trigger. But try as I might, I just couldn't get my Master-at-Arms badge when I was a scout. From memory, I think we had a period of 8 or 12 weeks to obtain it, with an attempt once per week. All we had to do is graze the target's bull's-eye using an air rifle. And I couldn't, no matter how many attempts I had in a given night.

My mate had no problem. I imagine he did it first time round, and then just turned up every week for the fun of it, as did the other lads after they'd passed. But one of us was there for the full duration, utterly incapable, to the derision of his unbelieving colleagues. (I don't recall not actually getting the badge, though, so I suppose I got my mate to take the shot for me at the final attempt. It's the sort of thing we'd have done: it's only cheating if you get caught.)

My incapacity isn't limited to air rifles, only. I could never shoot anybody at Laser Quest, either! Not even when I decided to unsportingly stalk my brother (seven years younger) and pretty much shoot him from point-blank range. And still I missed! And then -- ZOW ZOW ZOW! -- whilst I'm bullying this cornered child, some do-gooder's shot me from a million miles away!

If I'm ever required to use a gun in defence, I'll be wielding it as a club ...

 

[gmoney]

I'm an ace shot. Whenever I've gone to shooting ranges (not that often, admittedly) I've been top or near the top.  Maybe we should do a thread on useless things you're good at, because the chances of me ever using that skill in hunting or war are zero. 

[Keith Houchen]

I’m the Dartbreak Kid, my aim is true. However, I’m also a physical wreck so my best use in war would be a sniper to fend off as many bad guys as I could before they surround me and kill me, but I’d have allowed my comrades to make good their escape. 

[Monkee]

I can’t count properly. A source of great embarrassment in certain circumstances. Can’t do my times tables except for 2, 5 and 10, can’t do equations, percentages, long division/multiplication, and struggle with listening to numbers and writing them down, e.g. if someone is telling me their phone number. I also can’t remember important numbers that I should know such as my mortgage rate. I go and do something in the kitchen when the numbers round comes on Puzzling because I can’t do those sums where you have to divide the pepperoni.

However, give me an Excel spreadsheet and I will write the most complicated formulas, functions and logic with pivot tables and conditional formatting to make stuff happen automatically so that I don’t have to do it manually. And one of my favourite rounds in Puzzling is where they have the time in the mirror or letters at the clock points. No idea is this is an ADHD/autism thing.

I can’t kneel or run. I’m right-handed, write with my right but do lots of stuff with my left hand, wear my watch on the right and do a lot of things backwards. I can’t play guitar - my brother tried teaching me but I couldn’t co-ordinate my left hand to hold the chords. I can’t play piano because I can’t make my hands do two different things at the same time.

I can’t burp either. I do these squeaky hiccup things. I used to love burping but bariatric surgery robbed me of that pleasure over 10 years ago. Also can’t swallow tablets.

I can’t drink water. It just makes me gag. Even when I’m brushing my teeth I can’t swallow any water. It feels thick and gloopy and I don’t like the taste. If I have squash then it has to be at least 3:1 squash to water. If I have ice which melts and dilutes my drink then I can’t drink it any more.

I can, however, rewire a plug, change a fuse, check the oil/water/washer fluid in my car, measure and drill holes (without making a mess), paint a wall (brush and roller), and I reckon I could do a decent job at some other stuff like wallpapering, plastering or mixing cement having watched my dad so many times. I’m also not bad at cutting hair. I enjoy watching people at work and really absorb techniques and how to go about things.

[gmoney]

I write with my left hand but do everything else with my right hand, and am right footed. I'm what's known as 'awkward'.

I'm not too bad with numbers, not great or anything, but something I consistently do it add or remove zeros when talking about big figures. So £230,000 becomes £23,000, or the other way around. Very confusing for my partner when we were flat hunting. 

[Chest Rockwell]

8 hours ago, Monkee said:

I’m right-handed, write with my right but do lots of stuff with my left hand,

I do this. Also when I used to play squash I didn't really have a backhand, i'd swap the racket between my hands as I ran across the court. Not very efficient. 

[deathrey]

I'm also a right-hander that does lots of stuff with my lefthand. Years ago I was helping my cousin's set out tables for a wedding and I'd been given about 20 tables to do and I set them all out with the glasses and cutlery all the wrong way round - I was oblivious at that point that I ate with the 'wrong' hand. Only once I'd finished was it noticed that I'd done it all wrong.

[ReturnOfTheMack]

Some very sinister posts.

[johnnyboy]

2 hours ago, deathrey said:

I was oblivious at that point that I ate with the 'wrong' hand.

I've always been an eats wrong too.  I'm right-handed in everything apart from eating.

[Tommy!]

6 minutes ago, johnnyboy said:

I've always been an eats wrong too. 

No surprises here, It's the UKFF way to do things back to front be it sitting facing the cistern or sitting with your back to the dinner table on a chair like A.C. Slater. I'm amazed no ones owned up to shoving food up their arse and shitting from their mouth.

Fucking Rand McNally around here, people put hats on their feet and hamburgers eat people.

Edited October 5, 2023 by Tommy!

[Devon Malcolm]

Thank you for this thread, I feel seen and a lot more normal now.

One thing I can't do is remember the name of my daughter's medications when I go to Boots to order them. She's been on them for about 3 years now and almost every single time I go in I forget the name of them. Just a total blank. I've tried reading the name off the label before I go out and hoping it sticks. Didn't work. Thankfully they know me well enough by now to ask me if it's A or B this time.

[TheScarlettChad]

I can't tie my shoes. I wear slip ons. My partner is going to try to teach me how to tie them, She's gonna struggle lol. I wish I could tie my laces, buying slip ons is getting expensive.