Jesus Fucking Christ

[davertfnewman]

12 minutes ago, Scratch said:

I’ve written two joke books (available now on Amazon) that I’d be 50% sure 50% of you would like.

Fun fact: Keith Chegwin stole one of my jokes once and got really shitty when I called him out on it.

I was watching an interview with Bob Mills recently and he told two stories that somewhat relate to this.

1. A comedian was on stage one time throwing out gags and then all of a sudden came to a stop - the person he'd stolen the routine from had heard him and come out and walked in front of the stage and challenged him to carry on. The comedian walked off knowing he'd been caught.

2. Some comedians had very distinctive, individual acts, like Dave Allen, but some comedians operated on the idea that there were five-hundred jokes and you picked twenty or thirty and used them.

[JLM]

2 hours ago, BomberPat said:

definitely heard that matador joke years ago from someone else, too.

Sick of hearing the same old bull shit. 

This is how easy it is to be Tim Vine, guys. Never forget that. He’d probably add a bit about how he purchased a bull in a China shop and it left him broke to make it his own. That’s the genius of the man. 

[gmoney]

Just now, JLM said:

Sick of hearing the same old bull shit. 

This is how easy it is to be Tim Vine, guys. Never forget that. He’d probably add a bit about how he purchased a bull in a China shop and it left him broke to make it his own. That’s the genius of the man. 

I'm loving this series. 

[Sergio Mendacious]

On 8/8/2025 at 12:08 PM, Tim Healys Chutney Spoon said:

Don't ever get pancreatitis or gallstones....Jesus Christ the pain is unbearable! 5 days in hospital, longest I've ever been in, and got to go back soon to have my gallbladder out. 

The pain was so bad driving homr from our day out last week the wife thought I was having a heart attack! We'd see a 'Paramedic Associate' that morning who said she wasn't concerned by the pain I was in and was probably just a gastro infection.....I was in A&E via ambulance that evening! 

Great summer holidays this has turned out to be!

[JoeManco7]

3 hours ago, gmoney said:

I'm loving this series. 

This is how easy it is to be JLM, guys. Never forget that. He’d probably copy and paste another reply and add a bit more to make it his own. That’s the genius of the man.

[Chest Rockwell]

It's call riffing, guys it's an industry thing. You wouldn't get it. Don't worry though, Chilli will explain how it works for you.

[Chili]

3 hours ago, Chest Rockwell said:

It's call riffing, guys it's an industry thing. You wouldn't get it. Don't worry though, Chilli will explain how it works for you.

Why you being like that? 

[WyattSheepMask]

I’ve got to admit, “everyone’s worried about AI. I’m more worried about what the other vowels are upto” did make me chuckle.

Ive have added “I suspect vowel play” to make it my own. I guess it really is that easy, that’s the genius of it.

[Surf Digby]

I didn't mind the one about the personal trainer, but I suspect it works better as part of an act, and not a stand-alone joke.

The one about the spider being a web developer is embarrassing. Did they really think nobody had made the connection with the word web until now, or were they just hoping that nobody remembers it from 25 years ago?

 

[DavidB6937]

23 minutes ago, Surf Digby said:

were they just hoping that nobody remembers it from 25 years ago?

That does seem to form the basis of a lot of comedy, especially "funny" accounts on social media. Wait long enough, steal someone else's stuff and suddenly everyone thinks you're a genius.

[Lion_of_the_Midlands]

1 hour ago, DavidB6937 said:

Wait long enough, steal someone else's stuff and suddenly everyone thinks you're a genius.

That's not just comedy though to be fair. Oasis have made decent money playing those cards. 

[Sergio Mendacious]

We've got an author who has 250K+ followers on instagram based on stolen/"curated" content. Turns out that doesn't sell books, tho.

[Gus Mears]

Sliced the top of my thumb open cutting iceberg lettuce. Threw my back out while having a shit. Yesterday was awful.

[Lion_of_the_Midlands]

6 minutes ago, Gus Mears said:

Sliced the top of my thumb open cutting iceberg lettuce. Threw my back out while having a shit. Yesterday was awful.

Please don't operate any heavy machinery buddy. 

[gmoney]

17 minutes ago, Gus Mears said:

Sliced the top of my thumb open cutting iceberg lettuce. Threw my back out while having a shit. Yesterday was awful.

Pictures please.