Jesus Fucking Christ

[SuperBacon]

7 hours ago, Frankie Crisp said:

This latest iOS update has done me over. The overall update is crap but I can deal with it. The most first world problem that means nothing. People are dying and starving.

BUT.

My Brookside GIFs no longer work.

Raging.

[westlondonmist]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/articles/czej70jyg4eo

 

Apparently having a bigger willy makes you take more flight while ski jumping. So at least we know Hulk Hogan would be a better ski jumper than Terry Bolea. 

[SuperBacon]

I've become a real "I only came in for cat food!" wanker at the supermarket when they tell me the total. It pops the Dorises on the tills big time though, so I'll keep doing it.

I also asked a woman in the cat food aisle who went for the same cat biscuits as me (I don't even know what it is, looks like some freeze dried bollocks my cat will 100% not eat) whether it was any good. I then had to clarify that I wasn't asking if she'd tried these cat biscuits, and she was really nice, attractive and then started talking to me about her cat and what she eats.

For no apparent reason I said "Well if my cat doesn't like it, I want a refund off you" and she said "Well I come most Tuesday evenings" and was definitely flirting a bit, as was I, but christ I am awkward. Get a cat single people, alwsys a talking point.

I'll update you all next Tuesday 👍

[Joe Blog]

2 hours ago, SuperBacon said:

I'll update you all next Tuesday 👍

Taking the title from Frankie.

Bacon Crisp

Crispy Bacon

 

[Devon Malcolm]

I'm about to become the forum's most ineligible bachelor

[Joe Blog]

Early days to say that @Devon Malcolm Bacon might mess this right up next Tuesday. 

[Devon Malcolm]

2 minutes ago, Joe Blog said:

Early days to say that @Devon Malcolm Bacon might mess this right up next Tuesday. 

He talked to a woman who's not his therapist or mum, I'm way out in front.

[SuperBacon]

9 minutes ago, Joe Blog said:

Early days to say that @Devon Malcolm Bacon might mess this right up next Tuesday. 

I probably won't go, I'm not walking round a Tesco all night looking for a woman I've already forgotten what she looked like. Bit mad.

But what if I REALLY need to go to the shop next Tuesday? I don't have any food or water and I'll die if I don't go. And I run into her again. She'll call the police, and within minutes I've been sentenced to life for cat biscuit crimes.

Not hard to see why I'm single is it?

6 minutes ago, Devon Malcolm said:

He talked to a woman who's not his therapist or mum, I'm way out in front.

I surprised myself to be honest! I'd already had a chat with the lad on the Yo Sushi counter so was having a half an hour of sociableness. 

I'll be honest everyone is really friendly in this Tesco. 

If any of you are ever in the Bursledon area of Southampton, check it out, it's a right old time. There's a Greggs as well!

[TibBo]

Did she deny eating the biscuits? 

[Frankie Crisp]

Whoa (that’s French for stop a horse).

All this talk of Dev and Bacon vying for my title suggests you have faith in me not messing this up. She hasn’t said ‘I do’ yet. 

If the Best Men don’t do me over, surely the open flames, hilariously awkward anxiety and clumsiness will write this off.

Log on to here on 30th August for the inevitable

[Carbomb]

This wouldn't be JFC, but then I realised it's only a matter of time before some techbro cunt sticks AI or quantum computers in them or something.

 

 

[stumobir]

SNL’s sketch on Tourette’s following the BAFTA incident is so bad it needs to be seen to be believed. Painfully unfunny, even by their bottomed out standard, and the worst kind of overt ableism imaginable.

I really hope John Davidson is receiving the support he deserves, a night that was supposed to celebrate his life and advocacy turning in to this is just the cruellest irony. 
 

 

[Carbomb]

Bruce Campbell announcing he is undergoing treatment for cancer. He's made a point of emphasising it's treatable, though, which is some good news at least.

[Wretch]

The Amex, Brighton; Sunday just gone. JFC for a few reasons really.

- nineteen of your English pounds for the attached. I’d already had a few drinks by the time I got there, no chance I’d soberly pay that for what I ate.

- most likely related to the above, I got a dose of a bug / the drizzling shits that I’m still feeling the effects of 48 hours later. The 3.5 hour journey back to Nottingham was fun. Vomited outside Trent Bridge straight off the coach.

- lost 2-1, which put the cherry on a shit covered cake of a Sunday. 

 

[I Bent My Wookie]

11 hours ago, stumobir said:

SNL’s sketch on Tourette’s following the BAFTA incident is so bad it needs to be seen to be believed. Painfully unfunny, even by their bottomed out standard, and the worst kind of overt ableism imaginable.

I really hope John Davidson is receiving the support he deserves, a night that was supposed to celebrate his life and advocacy turning in to this is just the cruellest irony. 
 

 

I will regularly try and defend SNL as a "the US doesn't get Fawlty Towers, we're not supposed to get sketch shows" but this was absolutely fucking awful and quite rightly is getting panned to hell online. 

Its making me less enthused about the UK version in a few weeks, though saying that, a lot of the cast for that I don't see wanting to do crap like this, especially when the comedy industry in the UK is a lot more disabled friendly than this garbage.