Is it love you're after, or just a good time?

[theironshake]

My worst one. 

Was in the beginning of internet dating. Id been chatting to a girl on there her pictures seemed nice and we had got along so we agreed to meet. When I met her at a shit hole of a pub she had suggested.  She arrived with her toddler son and was obviously on crack or heroin. Her son then started kicking me in the shins and saying 'I don't like him mummy' she then asked me to borrow £20... I got out as quickly as possible. 

[Monkee]

This basically happened to me on a date. I was Jude Law.

 

[RIDDUM_N_STYLE]

I have a couple of awkward dating stories, first was with my first girlfriend back in college, she was notorious for never turning up on time when we made dates, on most occasions on leaving her house at the time we agreed to meet up in town. This occasion though saw me visit her house to meet her family and have tea with them before we went out for a couple of drinks that night (it was a Saturday and I was skipping the Everton game that tea time). I turn up to the house with her dressed in my smartest jeans and t shirt, to find her entire family still in their pjs at like 3 in the afternoon even though they knew I was coming, having an awkward conversation with her MS suffering mum, the middle sister not speaking and the youngest sister feeling it necessary to show me their dead cats ashes as in taking the little casket off the fireplace and shoving it in my face. We left pretty much straight after tea and within 2-3 months we'd stopped seeing each other as she'd cheated on me with her best mate

I started dating another girl a few months later who was a proper sweetheart and we clicked really well, we were just shit at dates. Our first date was supposed to be a drink and to go see a movie, waiting outside the pub for an hour for her, texted her with no response and couldn't get hold of her by phone so, assuming she'd stood me up, I went off to watch a film anyway. Log into messenger to find out what had happened to her later that night and she ripped me a new one for standing her up, turned out that she was inside the pub the whole time I was waiting but didn't think to answer my texts. Misunderstanding cleared up, we gave it another shot and went out at random for a  few drinks one Monday night when she had text asking if I was up for it, we got smashed on tequila and tequila laced lager and were getting really hot and heavy to the point she dragged me into the ladies at a Walkabout for sex only to put the freeze on with us both partially dressed, turned out she'd had a run in with her ex that morning hence why she asked me out for a drink so she could get him out her system by fucking me senseless (which I'd have been up for anyway). Things didn't last much longer after that

[KRS]

A friend at work had been encouraging me to go on a date with one of his friend's daughters. 

 

He showed me pictures and she looked very attractive, but it was hard to arrange a date as she was working long hours as a live-in nanny.

 

Eventually we met up at short notice and went for a coffee one evening. The coffee shop was closing shortly after we ordered, so she took her beverage out in a cardboard cup. Not ideal, but I thought we could have a stroll and chat before going to the pub.

 

As we walked out, she took a sip of her coffee only for the lid to come off and her to spill half of her drink over her beige blazer.

 

She laughed it off and we got her cleaned up. I agreed to drive her home so she could get changed and then we would go for a drink.

 

I had a low two seater car at the time and as she went to sit inside she smacked her head on the exterior roof with a loud bang. It immediately started swelling and then a trickle of blood rolled down her temple. She started crying and said she needed to go straight away.

 

I got her home and I asked if she wanted to try again another day, but she said she just wanted to get in to take some painkillers and rest (I took it as mensing she wasn't interested).

 

The following week at work my colleague ran over to speak to me. I assumed that he had heard what had happened on the date and he wanted to make fun of it. Instead,  he informed me that the girl had been picked up the previous day by immigration officers at her house and that everyone was blaming me on reporting her because the date hadn't gone well. I had no idea what he was on about, but couldn't convince him.

 

Months later I found out that it was well known that she had no paperwork and that they were trying to set me up with her to try and get her a spousal visa! 

[Cod Eye]

I'm sure we have done this thread before!

[libertine]

Accidentally said i dried by Gentleman Veg with a Hairdryer on 1st date, it didn't last much longer and she quite quickly left

[Mr_Danger]

16 minutes ago, libertine said:

Accidentally said i dried by Gentleman Veg with a Hairdryer on 1st date, it didn't last much longer and she quite quickly left

That’s a fucking treat. As a man who is basically a Wookie with a bald head, having my girlfriend blow dry my hairy vest and underpants is as close to a King as I’ll ever feel.

[waters44]

I had been chatting a while and had a few drinks with a really nice woman but despite the chemistry I didn’t really class it as dates, just friendship - she was seeing someone else on and off anyway so I never really knew what was going on and didn’t expect anything  more than friendship.

One evening she text me asking to help her light a fire at this house she was house sitting. So I went round and sorted the fire out while she disappeared. Ten minutes later she came down in a dressing gown and told me she had ran a bath for me. My brain had a meltdown and I said “Sorry, I have to go home for my tea” and bailed. Completely bottled it. I was 25.

[Joe Blog]

21 minutes ago, waters44 said:

My brain had a meltdown and I said “Sorry, I have to go home for my tea” and bailed. Completely bottled it. I was 25.

This is the type of wholesome content we need, none of this nuzzling necks on a first date bollocks. 

[mim731]

41 minutes ago, waters44 said:

One evening she text me asking to help her light a fire at this house she was house sitting. So I went round and sorted the fire out while she disappeared. Ten minutes later she came down in a dressing gown and told me she had ran a bath for me. My brain had a meltdown and I said “Sorry, I have to go home for my tea” and bailed. Completely bottled it. I was 25.

I don't blame you, running a bath for someone without asking them is the behaviour of a psychopath. 

[Lorne Malvo]

I'm sure I've told this story on here before but threads like this always bring to mind the lass at Uni who gave me a blowjob then, as I was approaching climax, held her hands out under my old chap as though it was a fucking hand dryer or something.

[SuperBacon]

9 minutes ago, Lorne Malvo said:

I'm sure I've told this story on here before but threads like this always bring to mind the lass at Uni who gave me a blowjob then, as I was approaching climax, held her hands out under my old chap as though it was a fucking hand dryer or something.

Your Dad was there?

[chokeout]

I was out for a meal with a girl I had been seeing for a few weeks and she asked me what I'd got my nephew for his birthday and I told her I'd got him some toy dinosaurs because everyone loves dinosaurs. This stopped the conversation dead and she looked at me and said 'you shouldn't encourage him, you know dinosaurs didn't exist' 

This opened up a can of worms that included her belief that the earth was 6000 years old, dinosaurs were made up (possibly by the devil, I didn't want to press her) and that the film Jurassic Park was not, as I thought, 'an ace film', but was instead anti Bible propaganda and in her family they call it 'Drastic park' 

Despite all this I did go out with her again and when I went to pick her up her father answered the door with the classic 'so you're the boy who believes in dinosaurs'... I was 27

On a side note, despite being super religious people, a few years after I'd seen her I was in a curry house in Southport and caught her dad having an affair so I was probably part of his worst date as well. 

[neil]

Probably my worst dating experience was with this girl that I actually met in a bar one night. I'd gone out with a friend of mine and there was this tall (now remember I'm 6'7") blonde girl who was very attractive out with a friend of hers, and I was not the kind of person who did well chatting up girls in bars, but my friend pushed me into talking with her and things went well - we chatted until the bar closed and then had a snog outside. There were a couple of warning signs though - as mentioned she was with a friend, when asking how they knew each other they look at each other weirdly and she goes "oh thats a story for when we know each other better" which I thought was...odd. The other is probably not a warning sign for you lot, but for me it was, she was very keen for me to come back to her place that night. Yes I know, a woman can want to have a one-night thing and that is fine, but for me and my paranoia it makes me go "SHES A MENTALIST". Anyway, I kind of fob her off and say that we should go out another night, it was a Sunday and I had work the next day blah blah.

So roll on a few days and we set up another date. We meet up at a bar that was close to where I lived. So she shows up, I'm sat at the bar, and immediately she starts going on about how everyone is staring at us because we're both tall. I say "I don't think people care that much" and she gets this look of anger on her face and is like "yes they are, you're a bloke so you don't notice these things, but I'm a girl and people think tall girls are freaks". I mean she was tall yes, but like 5'10", not exactly freak status. After making that statement she follows it up with going on about how glad she is to be able to wear heels for once. Ok.

The date rolls on, finish our first drinks and see if she wants another one and she makes a comment about getting drunk too fast because she hasn't eaten. I say we should get food, she responds that she doesn't eat on dates because I'd think she's a fat girl. You what.

She asks me if I'm married. I act surprised and say "Of course not, why would I be out with you if I was?" and she says that I'm too good looking to be single so she had to check and that a lot of men are scum - couldn't really argue with that though.

Then she goes on about how she likes gross humour - I say I'm not easily offended so what kind of jokes do you mean? She starts rattling off a bunch of edgy but terrible jokes like "What's worse than a dead baby? It being overcooked when you eat it" sort of stuff.

Red flags all over this so far. It's going bad. I'm really not enjoying this date. So things wrap up and we're walking back, I end up walking past my place and I'm like "yeah so this is me" and she's like "oh...so should I get a cab home?" (this is the time before uber) and I felt put on the spot so went "erm do you want to come in?" and she did. Was only in there for about a minute before she's all over me and is like "where's your bedroom?". So yeah, despite me really not liking her throughout this date I at this point was like "may as well", not a good move from me there for sure. It was just awful awful sex. I should never have gone along with it and just ended the date early.

[neil]

On 5/13/2021 at 5:41 AM, Keith Houchen said:

Freaky Jason. 

I have some memory about him maybe blocking some girl in her driveway with his car