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Is it love you're after, or just a good time?


Arthur B. Funky
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Come on then, let's be having you.

Dating disasters; blind first ones, kit-off faux pas at the others parents, genuinely vomit-inducing tales.

For me, it has to be the one where I turned up early to the pre-arranged pub on a first date & saw her close-up with a bloke I didn't recognise, so I went to sit at the bar to watch what was going on.  When he pissed off I sidled over & slid my hand behind her back & nuzzled her neck ... which turned out to be a mistake.  I didn't realise I was dating one half of a pair of identical twins.  She wasn't best pleased.  This was back in 1989.

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1 hour ago, Arthur B. Funky said:

I turned up early to the pre-arranged pub on a first date & saw her close-up with a bloke I didn't recognise, so I went to sit at the bar to watch what was going on.  When he pissed off I sidled over & slid my hand behind her back & nuzzled her neck ... which turned out to be a mistake

Sneaking up on someone and nuzzling someone's neck from behind on a first date was definitely a mistake. Very odd behaviour. 

I think the most depressing first date I had was when the girl casually dropped a fucking horrendous racial slur within about 90 seconds of the date starting. Not much coming back from that.

Weirdest moment was at the end of a nice little uneventful date we were having a kiss at the taxi rank and she started violently strangling me. She then told me that she was really into choking. I wish she checked with me before scaring the absolute shit out of me, thinking that I was going to be murdered by a stranger at a random taxi rank in Redhill.

Edited by LaGoosh
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I suppose the drawback of woke Britain in 2021 is that UKFFers will probably be too self aware to properly out themselves as sexual predators in threads like this. The best we’ll probably get is someone getting caught by their mother in law drying their cock on the shower curtain.

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19 minutes ago, LaGoosh said:

Weirdest moment was at the end of a nice little uneventful date we were having a kiss at the taxi rank and she started violently strangling me. She then told me that she was really into choking. I wish she checked with me before scaring the absolute shit out of me, thinking that I was going to be murdered by a stranger at a random taxi rank in Redhill.

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Went on a 2nd date with a girl, she was 18 or 19, I was 20. We spent most of the evening in the her flat, her mother was away for the weekend. She basically said "living room or mother's room". I was bit taken aback by the question so said both. I found out the next day she didn't want to use her room as it had pictures of her husband in there. She was 18 so I didn't think to check if there was a ring on the hand. She then said "it's okay my husband is okay with it". I didn't call her back as to be honest, I think her husband being okay with it made it worse. 

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I've told this on here before on here but it still makes me laugh. I was friendly enough with a girl that used to come in to the shop I worked at. She was nice enough, in to similar music to me, was mutual friends with people I knew so I'd seen her in the pub a couple of times after work and we'd chatted, nothing more serious than that. She comes in the shop one day with a couple of mates of mine and said they were all are going bowling and do I want to tag along. Seemed innocent enough so said yeah and we agreed a day and a time.

I turn up to the bowling place and she's there but the mates are nowhere to be seen. Who is there instead are her entire family- brother, parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents, the lot. There were presents and balloons, I think it was one of the grandparents birthdays. Turns out she'd been telling them all that I was her boyfriend and this was me meeting the family for the first time. 

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2 hours ago, cobra_gordo said:

I've told this on here before on here but it still makes me laugh. I was friendly enough with a girl that used to come in to the shop I worked at. She was nice enough, in to similar music to me, was mutual friends with people I knew so I'd seen her in the pub a couple of times after work and we'd chatted, nothing more serious than that. She comes in the shop one day with a couple of mates of mine and said they were all are going bowling and do I want to tag along. Seemed innocent enough so said yeah and we agreed a day and a time.

I turn up to the bowling place and she's there but the mates are nowhere to be seen. Who is there instead are her entire family- brother, parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents, the lot. There were presents and balloons, I think it was one of the grandparents birthdays. Turns out she'd been telling them all that I was her boyfriend and this was me meeting the family for the first time. 

So did you do a runner? Stick around uncomfortably for the free game? 

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6 hours ago, Arthur B. Funky said:

Come on then, let's be having you.

Dating disasters; blind first ones, kit-off faux pas at the others parents, genuinely vomit-inducing tales.

For me, it has to be the one where I turned up early to the pre-arranged pub on a first date & saw her close-up with a bloke I didn't recognise, so I went to sit at the bar to watch what was going on.  When he pissed off I sidled over & slid my hand behind her back & nuzzled her neck ... which turned out to be a mistake.  I didn't realise I was dating one half of a pair of identical twins.  She wasn't best pleased.  This was back in 1989.

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