Keith Houchen Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Flattery from someone you think is attractive can really set you reeling. Essentially that's why I'm divorced for a second time and with neither of them (not that I had an affair or anything, but the damage was done.) It seems like you don't want to throw away your family life so that's a good thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sammorgz Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 (edited) Cheers for the early advice fellas. Obviously the alcohol has a massive part to play in this and should be addressed. I'm not someone who drinks every night but when I drink I most certainly drink. I very much keep it away from my kid, who really is my world and I'm trying to think clearly what is best for her in all of this. Â A large part of me is just wondering how my girlfriend could even take me back to begin with? Without me having to really work for it. I don't think I'd have done the same. The problem I have is that if she is to turn around with a bit of strength tomorrow and maybe end things with this ultimatum I don't think I have the fight in me to chase her back. Does that mean my mind is already made up though? As you can tell I'm extremely confused. Â Flattery is great, especially as it's from someone I've been extremely fond of since day one and I've no idea if she would be capable of taking a kid on at her age. Obviously thinking about a long term relationship hasn't come into my thought process quite yet. I did take someone else's child on at exactly the same age and look where we are now. Â Stuff has been good for the most part at home as I've said, but I think I've had underlying issues throughout. I really didn't want to take her kid on, but I did because I really wanted to be a good guy and be loved at the time. Also things moved really fast at the beginning and I felt like I had little choice. 4+ years on and while I have a decent relationship with the child it's always played on my mind. Â Another thing is I really think I've got a bit of a quarter life crisis going on. The minute I hit 25 (7 months ago) I started to question a lot in my life and indeed with the relationship, I just didn't realise there was someone at work who was really into me back then which is the major contributor here! Â What a mess. Edited February 28, 2017 by sammorgz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WyattSheepMask Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 As had been said by others, your drinking seems to be the main thing that you want to get under control. Also ask yourself how strong your feelings are for your co-worker? Do you (for lack of a better term) 'love' them and visualise a future with them or do you just really fancy them and feel your giving in to the lure of someone different for your current girlfriend? I'm not saying there's anything wrong with fancying other people, I quite fancy a lass I work with but I'm never going to throw my marriage away for her  Obviously your the only person who can make those final decisions, but your always going to need to have a relationship with your current girlfriend with children being involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators PowerButchi Posted February 28, 2017 Moderators Share Posted February 28, 2017 Let's not go blaming the drink. I won't have a word against the drink. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sammorgz Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 (edited) As had been said by others, your drinking seems to be the main thing that you want to get under control. Also ask yourself how strong your feelings are for your co-worker? Do you (for lack of a better term) 'love' them and visualise a future with them or do you just really fancy them and feel your giving in to the lure of someone different for your current girlfriend? I'm not saying there's anything wrong with fancying other people, I quite fancy a lass I work with but I'm never going to throw my marriage away for her  Obviously your the only person who can make those final decisions, but your always going to need to have a relationship with your current girlfriend with children being involved. I don't think it's a case of just fancying her. There's certainly a strong connection there with feelings. We were very good friends before any of this happened. I'll hesitate to say the word love because I think after the week I've had I don't think I really understand the term.  Whatever happens myself and my girlfriend would always put our daughter first. That much I'm very sure about. She's an incredible little human being! Also, she is the reason I've tried to work things out but I've been told by people that isn't always the best idea. I have said many times over the past few years I would have left if it wasn't for her... Christ, I feel like a really awful person. Edited February 28, 2017 by sammorgz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr.E Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 You'd be best to take some time to yourself and work this all out on your own mate. Â Sometimes things are worth working out, and other not, but its only really you that knows the real answer. For what it's worth, don't base any decision you make on your daughter, as it's unfair to be doing anything basically only for her sake. As a kid who lived in a broken relationship, it sucks and it takes time to work out, but I'm much happier in the knowledge my parents are happy in themselves now, than when they were together. Â I would say: Step 1) sort your drinking out, Step 2) take some time, maybe a week or two alone, to really work out what you think is best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ricc1PW Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 I'm in love with someone that doesn't feel the same way. that's every bit as great as it sounds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wrasslin Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 I hear you dude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deathrey Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 So, some of you may remember that me and the other half have had some kind of strange secret relationship for the past almost year cos my cousin who is his friend violently disapproved of us being together. Well after many ups and downs, we've finally told everyone that we are getting married in August and man has the shit hit the fan. I think my cousin may be a sociopath.... But I'm getting married in August so yaaaay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Tommy! Posted March 10, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted March 10, 2017 Congratulations. It's nice when something positive hits this thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deathrey Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 (edited) Thank you Edited March 10, 2017 by deathrey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Chest Rockwell Posted March 10, 2017 Moderators Share Posted March 10, 2017 Yay! Congratulations. Really happy for you; it's always nice to hear about nice things happening to nice people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deathrey Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 (edited) Thanks Chest I think I'm going to have a busy few months of wedding planning ahead. I am quite lazy though so I wonder how little I could get away with doing and still have a decent wedding? Edited March 10, 2017 by deathrey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uklaw Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 Congratulations. Indeed it is nice to read about good things. It gives us eternal singletons and hopeless daters a kick up the backside. Â On that note, after feeling like I was wasting my time, and other stuff kicking in, I backed off from the online dating for 2 months and had my first date after that period this week.... And it's normal services resumed. Lol. After good chat on the app (I seem to get that right) we meet, and something just 'goes' and that's the end of it. Â I'll get it right soon, or as luck/Sod's law would have it, come off the online dating and immediately meet someone walking down the street, thus rendering the last 8 months totally pointless Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members wandshogun09 Posted March 11, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted March 11, 2017 Nice one deathrey, congratulations  Personally I'd say it's probably a good idea to do it how you're doing it and not having a long period of planning. You're going to have a hectic few months between now and August but at least it's just a few months. We got engaged in December 2012 and the wedding wasn't until August 2014. That's less than two years but it felt like a decade at the time. You'd think having longer to plan it all would make the whole thing easier and run smoothly but it was a nightmare to be honest with constant changes of plans, different family members poking their nose in, family members falling out over stupid shit, it just generally fried me and my girlfriend's brains and by the time the wedding came we were exhausted and just kind of wanted to get it over with, which is never how it should be. Don't get me wrong it was a lovely day, but I can't help thinking it'd have been a lot less stressful if we'd set a date quickly for not long after the engagement and just did it and not give everyone chance to take over and ruin it.  Seriously, it's great to hear it's all working out for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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