The Relationship Thread

[Wrasslin]

I was sleeping with a woman 22 years older than me until

She reconciled with her husband.

 

In other news. I watched a movie called 'how to be single' so now I'm pretending I'm OK with being alone.

[Surf Digby]

I was sleeping with a woman 25 years older than me until I was old enough to go into many own bed.

 

Thank you, thank you. I'm here all week.

[Juan Manforce]

Got back on Tinder this week. I'm an average looking guy so I don't expect to get anywhere with it but it's worth trying again.

 

Anyway, I just saw a profile where all of the girl's photos were from her wedding day, like walking down the aisle and kissing her new husband. Love, you're on Tinder, who are those pictures for? Also amazing the amount of 'Full time mummies' who make a picture of their kid their profile picture. I don't want to date your child, don't put them on a dating site.

Edited February 19, 2017 by Juan Manforce

[deathrey]

Women put pictures of their kids?!

[Polish Dad]

For people who sign up for Tinder via Facebook, it automatically populates the pictures & even the description fields. So if someone signs up just to look at other profiles & never checks their own, you often see wedding photos, or pictures of their kids etc.

[deathrey]

Ahhh ok, that makes a little more sense!

[uklaw]

My internet dating experience has more or less died a death. Haven't been on a date since the early part of January when I was rejected by an African lady for being 'too English' when I'm possibly discounted generally for being too black/dark. You couldn't make it up. Haha

EDIT: the above is based on past (and relatively recent experience) and only verifiable by speaking to others.

 

Anyway, I'm thankfully not bothered by how things are as this month has been hugely busy.

 

I might re-evaluate my position next month when things ease up a bit.

Edited February 25, 2017 by uklaw

[King of Hamptons]

So if anyone remembers/cares My ex has added me on facebook and twitter, the death of carrie Fisher made her get back in touch with me as we are both huge Star Wars geeks, I told her straight away i'm not looking to get back together after the shit she pulled. But she told me i want to be friends cause you're awesome...  Not sure how to take this. She been messaging me most days. We talked.. she's apologized for the way she ended it. and we are ok.

Shes in multiple relationships she tells me with various people... Bit weird

 

But in general this is me...

 

https://youtu.be/rLa6fgyQ704 

[Mr.E]

Shes in multiple relationships she tells me with various people... Bit weird

I've had experiences in the past with stuff like, and found it was because they are trying to make you jealous to some degree. "i'm seeing such and such, and seeing all these other people", which normally backfires on them when you're not bothered about it.

 

Nowt wrong with being friends, but it depends on what that means. Like generally keeping in touch or hanging out.

[mikehoncho]

Why the hell would someone make a pic of their kids their online dating profile!?  What sort of messed up logic is in play there?!

[Keith Houchen]

For people who sign up for Tinder via Facebook, it automatically populates the pictures & even the description fields. So if someone signs up just to look at other profiles & never checks their own, you often see wedding photos, or pictures of their kids etc.

[mikehoncho]

 

For people who sign up for Tinder via Facebook, it automatically populates the pictures & even the description fields. So if someone signs up just to look at other profiles & never checks their own, you often see wedding photos, or pictures of their kids etc.

 

 

Missed that; diolch Houchen.

[sammorgz]

 

Okay, so I never thought I'd end up asking for relationship advice here (not sure that's what I'm doing but I haven't really got anywhere else to vent/talk about my current situation.) This is a bit of a long one I'm afraid and I'll have to add more detail if needed.

 

I have massively messed up my relationship of nearly four and a half years in the past week or so.

 

A few weeks ago I developed very strong feelings for a co-worker who had been off for several months with illness, she's 21 years old and was in a relationship until a couple of months back herself. Me and her and always been very good friends in work and always looked forward to working together.

 

I've mentioned here previously that I've battled alcohol problems for many years and last week after finishing work early  (we all work in a bar) me, said girl and many others stayed to get royally shitfaced in celebration of a departing manager. Me and said girl are chatting more than anyone else with some flirting thrown in but nothing ridiculous. After we've all called it a night I return home to recieve a message from the girl that just contains a heart emoji. In my drunken 'loved up' state I reply saying 'I wish I could say the same.' She's obviously gone to sleep by the time I decide to send that and it's left alone... that is until I decide to spend all night drinking alone in my flat while my girlfriend, daughter and step daughter sleep. My girlfriend finds me absolutely paralytic in the mid hours of the morning half asleep and sees my open phone messages to the co-worker and it all kicks off naturally. She then took our three year old daughter to my parents in the hope we could have it out when she returns.

 

In the time she left and returned from my parents (about a 2 hour round trip) I've gone into work still absolutely wrecked to declare my love for this co-worker and find out where she stands and to warn her of the repercussions. She amazingly doesn't tell me to fuck off and says that she has always felt the same... for the two years we've worked together. So I start throwing out potential scenarios about maybe leaving home and could she handle a guy with a kid etc (should mention now that I'm 25 and my girlfriend is 34, so lots of age gaps here.)

 

After deciding to leave the pub I work in and go to my parents to have a bit of space and sober up I call my girlfriend and end things and she is obviously absolutely devastated as this is all so out of the blue (things had been really good at home as far as she was concerned.) As I sober up and realise I'm not a completely heartless bastard and much begging from my poor parents I call my girlfriend once again to say I'll return home to talk things through... So that happens and things are weirdly okay when she realises that she has little power. Of all things she tries fighting for me rather than me begging for forgiveness. I love her and decide I want to try and make it work despite my feelings for the other girl simply because hearing and seeing my girlfriend that upset was just awful.

 

Things are okay between Tuesday and Saturday last week with my girlfriend completely smothering me with affection and sex and basically anything to make me love her. In my head though I'm still extremely confused and upset, as well as feeling guilty and of course still having these feelings for the other girl who backed off per my request (which she understood even though she's disappointed.) Saturday comes and I simply cannot function in work because of all of the shit going on and ask to finish early. I go to the pub and get obliterated with one of my mates and then get home about 6am to be greeted by my once again distraught girlfriend (little one at my parents again as we both work Saturdays). I have it out with her telling her the smothering has been too much as I'm confused and we both have a cry and I have to shoot off to work but before I do I ask for some time to myself to try and get myself together. As she wants to do anything to keep me she accepts this even though she's worried.

 

After a night apart I told her that I feel a bit better and more ready to fight for the relationship  (this was yesterday, but 24 hours on again my head is all over the place and I'm really unsure of what I want.) I think part of it is I'm feeling really guilty for how things have gone down because hurting someone who has been so good to me is a shitter but I really wanted out at that moment and had she not been so devastated I may have gone through with it.

 

We've decided to have clear the air talks tomorrow evening but she did mention there may be an ultimatum about continuing friendship with the other girl in work and that sort of thing, which selfishly I'm not prepared to give up as it would make work life extremely difficult so I have a feeling things may come to a head once again tomorrow. Is it maybe best if we just call it a day and focus on making sure our little one is put first? Or am I just being a fucking idiot here and throwing it all away? I took on her 6 year old daughter when I was 21 years old and we had our own child less than a year after getting together and I fear a lot of this has all caught up with me. Obviously throw in the boozing and another person and this is the situation. There's so much to this but I've just tried to outline it so if more detail is needed let me know. Thanks for reading and call me an idiot!

[Mr.E]

Bloody hell, that sounds like a right mess you've got there.

 

Personally, and this might not be the popular choice, I would recommend focusing on your alcohol issues first, and then seeing where you stand. Like it might not be as bad as it reads above, but you can't keep making a mess of your life, (which then clearly effects others), because of the drink.

 

As for the relationship stuff, when you've tackled your drinking issues, really weigh it up. Is there a reason to leave you current GF other than "I also like the other girl?" If you still love her, then why ruin a good thing?

 

I can only really say you're a lucky bastard to have 2 women willing to take you on, all things considered, and I mean that in the nicest way possible as well.

[MVP RULZ]

I was reading that and 1st thing that I thought of as well was maybe cut back on the drinking as it's clearly affecting you and your thoughts

 

It does sound a right mess your in, defo take a few days (alcohol free) and think what do you really want, You say the other girl is 21

 

Is she really ready to take on a guy that has a child and become a step Mum at that age, Can you honestly see a long lasting relationship with her, you seem to have a good home life as it is do you want to throw that away if you arnt 100% sure it's the right move?