Dr. Alan Grant’s Royal Rumble Adventures

[ReturnOfTheMack]

These deserve to be in their own thread!

[Dr. Alan Grant]

2 hours ago, FLips said:

Dolph Ziggler the minotaur.

This sounds like a massive improvement for him. 

Thanks for the info, @Carbomb.

@RedTwoster, I don’t want to be responsible for exposing you to Mantaur.

Appreciate the feedback, folks. It softens the blow of watching some utter shite. If memory serves, the next few years offer up some top tier Rumble matches. 

 

[JLM]

100% should be a thread for these. 
 

Suggestions: 

Dr. Grant’s Rumble Retrospective

“It’s… It’s a Minotaur!” The Rumble Rundown. 

[HarmonicGenerator]

2 hours ago, FLips said:

Miz the bin man, Kofi Kingston the hockey player, or Dolph Ziggler the minotaur.

Would watch all of these.

[theringmaster]

Most I haven't watched since they aired on Sky (like 3 days later) and I have fond memories but reading through they do sound awful. Royal Rumble is probably the one match type where nostalgia makes it more than the actual wrestling. I admire the booking of Bret/Lex and Bulldog/Shawn finishes though, you can literally imagine Vince, Bruce etc sat in a room saying "We need to think of a new finish?"

 

The whole 'You never know who will show up in the Rumble' didn't really begin till the early 2000's didn't it? I remember when the likes of Honky Tonk entered and Kane got rid of him being the start of the whole surprise gimmick, am I right?

[MVP RULZ]

9 hours ago, theringmaster said:

The whole 'You never know who will show up in the Rumble' didn't really begin till the early 2000's didn't it? I remember when the likes of Honky Tonk entered and Kane got rid of him being the start of the whole surprise gimmick, am I right?

Pretty much I'd say but Bob Backlund shows up in 2000 as a surprise, a year before the Honky Tonk Man and Drew Carey entered so could point to then.

[air_raid]

15 hours ago, theringmaster said:

The whole 'You never know who will show up in the Rumble' didn't really begin till the early 2000's didn't it? I remember when the likes of Honky Tonk entered and Kane got rid of him being the start of the whole surprise gimmick, am I right?

Yes and no. They’d opened up the “not just the usual cast” idea as early as 1993 with the entries of Carlos Colon and Genichiro Tenryu (who was meant to be working The King at Mania IX) through Dick Murdoch in 95, and the returning Jake, debuting Vader plus the Headhunters, Dory Funk Jr, Takao Omori and (USWA tournament winner) Doug Gilbert in 96 - I swear for that one JR did address a rumour that Warrior would be coming back on an episode of Action Zone in the build. Then in 97 they had Terry Funk, Mil Mascaras and numerous AAA regulars.

But those were all announced up front. The “surprise entrance” stuff didn’t really begin until 1998 with Mick Foley returning as first Mankind then Dude Love after Cactus Jack had been eliminated, plus the aforementioned Honky. Back when the roster was so thin they needed undercard wrestlers to wrestle twice, Mick to enter 3 times AND call Honky to fill 30 spots.

[air_raid]

On 2/9/2025 at 11:16 PM, Dr. Alan Grant said:

1992

WHOOO!!!!

 

 

[Dr. Alan Grant]

And we’re back. Thankfully the quality has improved after the double whammy of ‘95 and ‘96. The dark days are over.

1997

1. First Two Participants. Nation Of Domination Crush and Ahmed Johnson. I really like Ahmed, but this was a terribly slow and sloppy opening. His trunks seem permanently wedged up his arse and he eliminated himself. Vince also referred to him as Farooq. Christ. 

2. Groaners. Crush. I liked Demolition Crush, I loved Hawaiian Crush (both face and heel), but this version is pure groan. Fake Razor Ramon, Phinneas Godwinn (accompanied by Hillbilly Jim for added shitness), Pierroth, The Sultan, Mil Mascaras, Cibernetico, Latin Lover, Savio Vega, Jesse James, Fake Diesel and Henry Godwinn. 

3. Best Elimination. Jerry Lawler. Hops up from his desk, gets in the ring, Bret abandons his sharpshooter to punch him straight over the top. It might be my favourite Rumble elimination ever. “It takes a king.”

4. Best Moment. Similar to Diesel in ‘94, Stone Cold Steve Austin arrives to a mixed reaction only to fully get the crowd on side once he starts eliminating scrubs en masse. I also have to mention the point where Austin, Rocky Maivia, Terry Funk (and his brother Flash), Bret Hart, Mankind, Vader and Undertaker are all in the ring at the same time. Bona fide stars of past, present and future all mixing it up. It’s beautiful.

5. Worst Moment. Mil Mascaras eliminates himself. But wait! He didn’t. He went through the middle ropes before climbing to the top and jumping out. Justice for Mil! It should have been him in the main event of WrestleMania 13. 

6. Best Move. Vader with an overhead throw to Flash Funk (who was wearing a fantastic blue jumpsuit) over the top rope.

7. Biggest Pops. Ahmed Johnson returns post elimination to attack Farooq with the biggest 2x4 you’ve ever seen. An almighty reaction for Taker too.

8. Funniest Moment. 

9. Any Laying About? No chance in hell. 

10. Final Four. Well, technically it’s Bret Hart, Vader, Undertaker and the cosplay Diesel. But sneaky Austin isn’t having that.

11. Standout Performace. Stone Cold Steve Austin. I know WWE like to pretend that the King Of The Ring promo made him a star, but the crowd didn’t really care too much when he came out here months after that event. There’s a few signs and shirts, but only as the match went on did it seem that Austin was becoming a big deal. I’m sure someone else here could point out roughly when he really became a super hot act, but KotR definitely wasn’t it.

12. Final Rating. 4/5. Lots of big names, a unique ending, a great showing from Austin and a major step up from the previous 2 years. 

1998

1. First Two Participants. Cactus Jack and Terr…err, Chainsaw Charlie. We’re in the hardcore era now. Chairshots galore. 

2. Groaners. Tom Brandi, Phinneas Godwinn, 8-Ball, Kurrgan (what a strangely shaped man), The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust, Jeff Jarrett (in new, but still terrible ring gear), Mark Henry (it’ll be a few years before he escapes this section) Kama Mustafa, Henry Godwinn, Savio Vega and Chainz. I don’t know what’s worse, the hog farmers refusing to go away or Nazis being present.

3. Best Elimination. Stone Cold Steve Austin with a stunner to The Rock before lobbing him over.

4. Best Moment. The Rock in a star making performance similar to Austin the year before. 

5. Worst Moment. Vader is in for a few minutes before gimp/spaceman Goldust gets rid of him. What a fall from grace.

6. Best Move. Chainsaw Charlie with a moonsault. Or at least an attempt at a moonsault. Anything that deviates from punching and kicking is going to stand out even if it looks awful.

7. Biggest Pops. Sable and Austin. 

8. Funniest Moment. Ahmed Johnson’s wedgie and this…

9. Any Laying About? Safe for another year.

10. Final Four. Austin, Dude Love, The Rock and Farooq. Farooq was awesome. Now he’s just seen as the guy who says “damn”.

11. Standout Performace. Rocky, Rocky, Rocky, Rocky.

12. Final Rating. Despite Rock and Austin’s appearances, this whole Rumble feels a bit midcard. Lots of people I like (Blackman, Shamrock), but very little star power. 3/5

1999

1. First Two Participants. Stone Cole Steve Austin and a repulsively jacked Vince McMahon. For the time period, there couldn’t have been a hotter pairing to start things.

2. Groaners. Golga (forgive me, Quake), Legion Of Doom Droz (I heard the music and was expecting an actual Road Warrior), Gillberg, Tiger Ali Singh, Blue Meanie, Mabel (not quite at the Viscera stage), Kurrgan, Mark Henry and Jeff Jarrett.

3. Best Elimination. Chyna enters at 30 and quickly dispatches Mark Henry.

4. Best Moment. If I had to pick something, Ministry Taker kidnapping Mabel.

5. Worst Moment. Vince winning. 

6. Best Move. A nasty chairshot to Vince’s head. 

7. Biggest Pops. This crowd is rabid. Big reactions for Austin, Edge, Al Snow (Al Snow for God’s sake!), Godfather, Kane, Triple H and Chyna. 

8. Funniest Moment. Droz asks Edge to help him eliminate Steve Blackman, Edge walks over and pokes Droz in the eye. I’m easily amused. Also, Billy Gunn in one shoe made me think of Paulie in Pine Barrens.

9. Any Laying About? No sir.

10. Final Four. Austin, Vince, Big Boss Man and D’Lo Brown. I would happily have taken a D’Lo win over what we got.

11. Standout Performace. There really isn’t one here.

12. Final Rating. I’m not a fan of this one. Having Austin disappear for a huge chunk of it, Vince winning and not a lot else happening cements it as a bit of a dud. The crowd are into it though, which helps a little. 2.5/5

The ranking so far.

1. 1992 (5/5)

2. 1990 (4.5/5)

3. 1997 (4/5)

4. 1989 (3.5/5)

5. 1998 (3/5)8

6. 1993 (3/5)

7. 1991 (3/5)

8. 1988 (3/5)

9. 1994 (2.5/5)

10. 1999 (2.5/5)

11. 1996 (2/5)

12. 1995 (1/5)

If 2000 is what I think it is, we have one of my favourite moments in any Royal Rumble coming up. Stay tuned.

[SuperBacon]

41 minutes ago, Dr. Alan Grant said:

. Best Elimination. Jerry Lawler. Hops up from his desk, gets in the ring, Bret abandons his sharpshooter to punch him straight over the top. It might be my favourite Rumble elimination ever. “It takes a king.”

I think this is my favourite elimination of all time. Popped massively as a kid at it and still do.

[Chili]

It was @BomberPatwho mentioned it when Terry Funk passed away, but he's absolutely one of the highlights of the 1998 Rumble. He's both fucking about and trying to work fun spots with everyone beyond dull brawling, he also keeps popping Jerry Lawler with all the ways he keeps wrapping himself in the ring ropes to stop being thrown out. He completely gets the idea of the Rumble beyond walk and brawl without his spots looking absurdly set up.

[d-d-d-dAz]

Jeff Jarrett being a 'groaner' breaks my heart..

[Bus Surfer]

13 hours ago, d-d-d-dAz said:

Jeff Jarrett being a 'groaner' breaks my heart..

Justified back then, for sure. 

@Dr. Alan Grant Thank you for these posts! Fantastic stuff. 

Edited February 18, 2025 by Bus Surfer

[tiger_rick]

14 hours ago, d-d-d-dAz said:

Jeff Jarrett being a 'groaner' breaks my heart..

A high percentage of Jeff's active full-time career would be in that territory. 1993 & 1994 Double J is a dreadful act. The Double J character in WCW was seriously uncool at a time the promotion was on fire. Shooty Jeff, Aztec Jeff and Double J in 1998 were awful. He was OK as Owen's partner and then had the best run of his career for about 3 months in 1999. Slapnuts Jeff was tragic. TNA Jeff was an absolute groaner other than those MMA skits. Veteran Jeff has been OK and I've enjoyed big chunks of his AEW run. Basically the bits he's not sharing the screen with the dirt worst Dutt and Lethal.

I can see why people would like Jeff, he's a very good hand. I can equally see why people hate him, his characters have almost always been atrocious and his TNA run is just egregious. 

[Carbomb]

53 minutes ago, tiger_rick said:

A high percentage of Jeff's active full-time career would be in that territory. 1993 & 1994 Double J is a dreadful act. The Double J character in WCW was seriously uncool at a time the promotion was on fire. Shooty Jeff, Aztec Jeff and Double J in 1998 were awful. He was OK as Owen's partner and then had the best run of his career for about 3 months in 1999. Slapnuts Jeff was tragic. TNA Jeff was an absolute groaner other than those MMA skits. Veteran Jeff has been OK and I've enjoyed big chunks of his AEW run. Basically the bits he's not sharing the screen with the dirt worst Dutt and Lethal.

I can see why people would like Jeff, he's a very good hand. I can equally see why people hate him, his characters have almost always been atrocious and his TNA run is just egregious. 

I have to disagree there - you're right that Double J MMA was good, but he was also great as the sympathetic babyface when he came back from his leave of absence following his wife's passing, and, right up to the point where he turned and joined Immortal, I found him more watchable than I ever had. People were rooting for him, because his situation was perfect: not only the mourning but resilient widower, but also the guy who'd founded TNA and fought hard to make it what it was, fighting against the re-surgent toxic re-skin of the nWo that had killed the company he'd founded TNA to replace.

It was one of the worst booking decisions ever (and reminiscent of wCw's booking of the nWo in general) to turn him. Yes, he's a good heel, but that face run was lightning in a bottle, and it was cut woefully short.