Dr. Alan Grant’s Royal Rumble Adventures

[TheBurningRed]

5 hours ago, LaGoosh said:

This one really annoyed me, because the argument was "well he's walking on pancakes so his feet didn't touch the floor". But by that logic you could just strap fucking pancakes to the bottom of your shoes and by their logic you could never be eliminated from the Royal Rumble.

Unless someone starts eating them during the match before eliminating them. 

[Kamran]

3 hours ago, DCW said:

I watched rumble via torrent and there seemed to be dead air/silence from commentary for a few seconds after each wrestlers music hit and entrance began. Was it like this on the Netflix version too? 

I can't say I noticed it that much on Netflix but I've definitely noticed them mute the commentary when I think they're doing a plug for one of their sponsors. It would make sense that being the issue with each match having a different sponsor during the Rumble.

[Mr_Danger]

When the fuck the Cena trade in the high tops for some Sketchers? You can’t dress head to toe in gaudy merch then slip the dad specials on for comfort.

[TheScarlettChad]

28 minutes ago, Mr_Danger said:

When the fuck the Cena trade in the high tops for some Sketchers? You can’t dress head to toe in gaudy merch then slip the dad specials on for comfort.

The socks combined with the primark specials, made him look like such a dad 

[Supremo]

Been watching random Royal Rumble matches since Netflix makes it so easy.

Watched 1996 for probably the first time since I watched it as a kid on Sky.

Shawn Michaels is clearly eliminated by Vader, who they try to argue is, “illegal,” since he was already eliminated himself. Bollocks. Shawn went over the top rope. Both feet hit the floor. He’s out. Absolute injustice. As if I couldn’t hate the rubbish Iron Man match at Mania 12 enough. Shawn shouldn’t have even been in it!

No wonder Shawn became part of the conspiracy against Kevin Owens. He’s been corrupt for decades, clearly!

Side note. Vader wearing his singlet back to front always makes him look like an action figure with his head twisted the wrong way.

Edited February 14, 2025 by Supremo

[DavidB6937]

Always enjoy the backstage stuff.

 

 

[Carbomb]

29 minutes ago, Supremo said:

Been watching random Royal Rumble matches since Netflix makes it so easy.

Watched 1996 for probably the first time since I watched it as a kid on Sky.

Shawn Michaels is clearly eliminated by Vader, who they try to argue is, “illegal,” since he was already eliminated himself. Bollocks. Shawn went over the top rope. Both feet hit the floor. He’s out. Absolute injustice. As if I couldn’t hate the rubbish Iron Man match at Mania 12 enough. Shawn shouldn’t have even been in it!

No wonder Shawn became part of the conspiracy against Kevin Owens. He’s been a corrupt for decades, clearly!

Side note. Vader wearing his singlet back to front always makes him look like an action figure with his head twisted the wrong way.

That is bollocks. If that cunt Hogan got to eliminate Sid and deny him his destiny after being eliminated in 92, then Vader gets to take out HBK.

[deathrey]

On 2/5/2025 at 8:45 PM, TheScarlettChad said:

The socks combined with the primark specials, made him look like such a dad 

And the big bald patch that's he's tried to cover with a combover. The man's a multi millionaire, if it bothers you that much, get a hair transplant

[Dr. Alan Grant]

I’ve also been watching some older Rumbles to remind myself of happier times when I enjoyed them a lot more. Behold the categories on which I viewed/rated them. 

1. First Two Participants. Always important. You don’t want to blow your load, but you want a decent opening pair to kick things off.

2. Shitarses. Nobody wants a shitarse in the Rumble. But they’re guaranteed to show up nonetheless. These people may not be your idea of a shitarse, but they’re the people I hate and they always make me groan when they come out on the buzzer.

3. Best Elimination. Speaks for itself.

4. Best Moment. Yay!

5. Worst Moment. Boo!

6. Best Move. I’ll preface by saying that I love seeing someone using their finishing move in a Rumble.

7. Biggest Pops. Who doesn’t love a Rumble pop?

8. Funniest Moment. Aka the Chelsea Green award.

9. Any Laying About? Since modern Rumbles are all plagued by the curse of everyone lying down doing sod all, I’ll be on the lookout for when this practise began. Presumably in the last 5-10 years. 

10. Final Four. As in the first two, you need a good foursome to keep the intrigue up. 

11. Standout Performance. Aka the Ric Flair award for services to Rumbles.

12. Final Rating. 

Let the madness commence. 

 

Kicking things off with 1988.

1. First Two Participants. Bret Hart and Tito Santana. A very good, fast paced start. 

2. Shitarses. Oh dear. Sam Houston (cowboy gimmicks belong in the negativity thread, they’re awful…bar Hangman). Danny Davis, Boris Zhukov, Nikolai Volkoff, Outlaw Ron Bass, Hillbilly Jim and king of the shitarses, Dino Bravo. Awful, the lot of them.

3. Best Elimination. Runner up is the Hart Foundation violently throwing out Tito and hugging afterwards. But my favourite was Hacksaw Jim Duggan eliminating Danny Davis with the three-point stance clothesline. Hooooo! 

4. Best Moment. Tito Santana is outnumbered by the Hart Foundation and Butch Reed until Jake The Snake Roberts comes in and makes the save. The crowd goes berserk. 

5. Worst Moment. Ultimate Warrior is eliminated to zero reaction or fanfare. 

6. Best Move. Hacksaw Jim Duggan and the three-point stance again.

7. Biggest Pops. Jake The Snake Roberts, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Ultimate Warrior, Junkyard Dog and weirdly enough B. Brian Blair all had big pops. I think Jake nudges it though, the crowd were electric for him. 

8. Funniest Moment. Two standout moments. Firstly, Harley Race was caught in the ropes swinging back and forth like a see-saw as Jake pummelled him. But that can’t compare to Nikolai Volkoff running in behind Don Muraco and having to wait at ringside because he was too early. 

9. Any Laying About? Not a jot. Constant brawling. 

10. Final Four. Hacksaw Jim Duggan, One Man Gang, Don Muraco and Dino Bravo. Rubbish. But it did start the trend of two faces and two heels at the end. May it continue.

11. Standout Performance. Nobody in particular, but I’ll give it to Hacksaw Jim Duggan just for using his finisher.

12. Final Rating. 3/5. A solid start. Nothing too memorable, but the action was constant. 
 

1989

1. First Two Participants. Ax and Smash. Absolutely delightful. They hesitate for one second before battering the shit out of each other. If this happened today, they’d pause for a solid minute, looking at the crowd and bringing out their HBK best acting skills.

2. Shitarses. Ronnie Garvin, Outlaw Ron Bass (minus hair, making him even more boring), both of the Bushwhackers, Big John Studd and a contender for Dino Bravo’s King Shitarse crown, Red Rooster. 

3. Best Elimination. There’s a few good ones here. Andre hiptossing Ronnie Garvin out, Andre moving faster than he has in years to escape Damian over the top rope, Hogan’s double clothesline to the Brainbusters and Hogan tossing Mr. Perfect over the turnbuckle to win. But my favourite was Tully Blanchard giving it his all to get rid of Marty Jannetty. Him and Arn spend about a minute trying to bundle him over, Arn gives up but Tully will not quit until he’s done the deed. I can only assume Marty owed him money or something, it looked really personal. Good on you, Tully.

4. Best Moment. To call it a moment is stretching the definition a little, but the entire sequence of Hulk Hogan eliminating Savage and getting kicked out himself is wonderful. Hogan goes on a spree, knocking out the Brainbusters in one go, then the Warlord, then Bad News Brown and Savage. Savage is pissed, gets back in and Elizabeth comes down to calm things down, they shake hands and all is well. I’m sure they’ll move past this. Mega Powers forever. Then Big Boss Man comes out, piledrives Hogan and here comes Akeem for the double team. Hogan’s eliminated, pulls Boss Man out, bonks him on the head with a chair and Brutus Beefcake arrives to even the odds. Hogan screws over Boss Man by pulling the ropes down to eliminate him. Dirty cheating bastard. Cracking sequence.

5. Worst Moment. Mr. Perfect in blue trunks. No singlet. I hate it. Also, Big John Studd winning is lame as anything.

6. Best Move. Tito Santana hits a beautiful flying forearm. 

7. Biggest Pops. Jake Roberts again, for his official entrance and his return with Damian. Tito, Macho Man, Jannetty and Hogan all had monster pops. But damn, the people love Jake. 

8. Funniest Moment. Tully Blanchard and his hatred of Jannetty. 

9. Any Laying About? None. Non-stop action.

10. Final Four. Big John Studd, Million Dollar Man, Rick Martel and Akeem. Two faces/two heels reigns supreme. 

11. Standout Performance. Andre The Giant. You don’t need to be mobile to choke the ever-loving shit out of everyone. Just look at him.

12. Final Rating. 3.5/5. It’s a really good Rumble up until Hogan is eliminated, then it loses a bit of spark and never gets it back. 
 

1990

1. First Two Participants. Million Dollar Man and Koko B. Ware. It’s short and sweet as Koko doesn’t last long. He had  facepaint on too, which I don’t remember him having any other time. 

2. Shitarses. Only 2. Red Rooster and Dino Bravo, battling for that prestigious crown.

3. Best Elimination. Macho Man backdropped over the top by Dusty Rhodes. The height he gets is insane.

4. Best Moment. Hogan/Warrior. Electric. They’re great, the crowd is great, Jesse Ventura nails it. “Nobody moves!”

5. Worst Moment. Bret’s elimination is missed by the camera, but the biggest crime is Macho Man’s metallic blue attire. Surely his worst ever. 

6. Best Move. The Hogan/Warrior double clothesline. 

7. Biggest Pops. Christ, there’s loads. Jannetty, Jake, Piper, Bret, Dusty, Warrior and Hogan had everyone on their feet. 

8. Funniest Moment. After the Ultimate Warrior gets eliminated (by backstabbing Hogan), he gets back in the ring and attacks Rick Rude and the Barbarian before running away down the aisle. It’s the funniest run I’ve ever seen. Like a child scarpering away after writing a rude word on their parents’ wall. The icing on the cake is Jesse’s call. “He’s an idiot.”

9. Any Laying About? Absolutely not. 

10. Final Four. Hulk Hogan, Hercules, Mr. Perfect and Ravishing Rick Rude. Double heel/face thriving.

11. Standout Performance. Double victory for Hogan and Warrior. 

12. Final Rating. 4.5/5. Stacked with stars and memorable moments. The only reason this doesn’t get a 5 is because I know there’s an ever better Rumble coming along in the not too distant future. 
 

The ranking so far.

1. 1990

2. 1989

3. 1988

Edited February 8, 2025 by Dr. Alan Grant

[Snitsky's back acne]

1990 is definitely the best out of those three. Molten hot crowd and some great moments. All action and a lot of names.

 

Edited February 8, 2025 by Snitsky's back acne

[Chili]

I love the 1990 Rumble and rate it as a match over 1992 for it's star power too, but 1992 has those extra added bits and pieces that make it truly more special overall.

[Snitsky's back acne]

1 hour ago, Chili said:

I love the 1990 Rumble and rate it as a match over 1992 for it's star power too, but 1992 has those extra added bits and pieces that make it truly more special overall.

Bobby Heenan's commentary, for one thing. 

[TheBurningRed]

3 hours ago, Dr. Alan Grant said:

cowboy gimmicks belong in the negativity thread, they’re awful…bar Hangman)

[Dr. Alan Grant]

I Stan corrected.

[Dr. Alan Grant]

Another 3 watched.

1991

1. First Two Participants. Bret Hart and Dino Bravo. They give with one hand, they take with the other.

2. Shitarses. Dino Bravo. Saba Simba. Bushwhackers. Shane Douglas.

3. Best Elimination. Hulk Hogan’s big boot to Brian Knobbs. 

4. Best Moment. Nothing in-ring stands out, so I’m giving it to Bobby Heenan catching Mr. Perfect’s towel behind his back when they enter.

5. Worst Moment. Giving us Dino Bravo at the beginning. Bret deserved better. 

6. Best Move. Earthquake delivers the Aftershock.

7. Biggest Pops. Bret Hart, Texas Tornado, Jake Roberts, British Bulldog, Jim Duggan, but Hogan’s is off the charts.

8. Funniest Moment. Bushwhacker Luke marching in, being immediately knocked out and continuing with his march. 

9. Any Laying About? Hell no.

10. Final Four. Hulk Hogan, British Bulldog, Brian Knobbs and Earthquake. Yeah baby, the streak continues.

11. Standout Performace. Rick Martel. Not just because he set the record for the time, but he’s just constantly involved in the action. Get him in the damn Hall Of Fame.

12. Final Rating. 3/5. It’s not terrible by any stretch of the imagination. There just aren’t a lot of memorable moments. 

1992

1. First Two Participants. British Bulldog and the Million Dollar Man. Class.

2. Shitarses. Nikolai Volkoff, Hercules (who I normally like but he’s in a terrible state at this point), IRS, Virgil, Colonel Mustafa and Skinner.

3. Best Elimination. Sid swings Sgt Slaughter into the turnbuckle and he flies forward right over it. It looks brutal. Go Sid.

4. Best Moment. Sherri looking spectacular is close.

The Piper/Flair face off gets the silver medal. But Bobby Heenan’s reaction when Flair wins takes the gold. He says “yes!” more times in 30 seconds than Daniel Bryan did in his entire run. 

5. Worst Moment. Savage eliminates himself, but they let him back in. A little consistency with your rules, please! 

6. Best Move. There’s another great Tito flying forearm, but I did love Roddy Piper’s aeroplane spin to Flair. Does anyone do a spin anymore?

7. Biggest Pops. Roddy Piper and Hulk Hogan.

8. Funniest Moment. Too many. A very frustrated Bobby Heenan frequently telling Monsoon to shut up for pointing out that Flair is unlikely to win. Asking for water because he’s dizzy. Around the halfway mark, Flair manages to clear the ring only for Bobby to shout “Flair wins it!” When Roddy Piper stops Jake from giving Flair a DDT, Heenan says “it’s a kilt, not a skirt.” But as soon as Piper nails Flair…”You skirt wearing freak. It’s not a kilt, it’s a skirt.” Finally, Mean Gene telling somebody to put their cigarette out during Flair’s post-match interview. Funniest Rumble ever.

9. Any Laying About? Don’t be absurd.

10. Final Four. Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, Sid and Ric Flair. Three faces?! The streak…is over. Still, what a foursome.

11. Standout Performace. There are two winners. Ric Flair and Bobby Heenan. Can’t separate them. One wouldn’t work without the other. The single greatest piece of commentary there’s ever been and quite possibly the greatest Rumble performance.

12. Final Rating. 5/5. The best. 

1993

1. First Two Participants. Ric Flair and Bob Backlund. 8 year old me would have hated this at the time. They’re just old men. The crowd don’t seem very into Backlund at the beginning, but as time goes on they’re screaming when he’s on the verge of elimination.

2. Shitarses. Virgil, Max Moon, Skinner, Terry Taylor, Damian Demento, IRS and Carlos Colon. Once again, 8 year old me would have had Tenryu in this group.

3. Best Elimination. Owen Hart is tossed out by Yokozuna and takes a nasty bump.

4. Best Moment. Earthquake and Yokozuna have a stand-off. I still love the Undertaker and Giant Gonzalez slowly walking towards each other too.

5. Worst Moment. Randy Savage and the pinfall attempt. Stupid then, stupid now.

6. Best Move. Macho Man with a top rope elbow drop.

7. Biggest Pops. Mr. Perfect, Undertaker, Tatanka and Macho Man.

8. Funniest Moment. 

9. Any Laying About? Not this time.

10. Final Four. Yokozuna, Macho Man, Bob Backlund and Rick Martel. A worthy quadrangle.

11. Standout Performace. Take a now, Mr. Backlund. He won the crowd over and looked like the most exhausted man in the world doing it.

12. Final Rating. 3/5. The ending is daft, but there’s fun to be had along the way.

The ranking so far.

1. 1992 (5/5)

2. 1990 (4.5/5) 

3. 1989 (3.5/5)

4. 1993 (3/5)

5. 1991 (3/5)

6. 1988 (3/5)

Three more to follow. Including whichever one has those Squat Team fellas in it. Kill me now.