Dr. Alan Grant’s Royal Rumble Adventures

[Zaheer]

Nothing to add other than please keep doing these . Can't wait for the 00s ones !

[BomberPat]

15 hours ago, Chili said:

It was @BomberPatwho mentioned it when Terry Funk passed away, but he's absolutely one of the highlights of the 1998 Rumble. He's both fucking about and trying to work fun spots with everyone beyond dull brawling, he also keeps popping Jerry Lawler with all the ways he keeps wrapping himself in the ring ropes to stop being thrown out. He completely gets the idea of the Rumble beyond walk and brawl without his spots looking absurdly set up.

Terry is my Rumble MVP in '98, and he's a lot of fun in '97 too precisely for all the mad ways he gets caught up in the ropes - everyone else is doing the usual tying their legs around the top rope, and Funker is just all over the place, tied up in mad ways, seasawing on the middle rope, just a joy to watch. In '98 especially, he seems to be trying to have little mini-matches with everyone - he does the Hardcore brawl with Cactus, but then he squares up to Marc Mero as if they're going to have a boxing match. One of the few wrestlers to treat a Rumble as a unique match where you have to work with multiple different workers of different styles, rather than just brawling or hitting your spots.

The '97 Rumble is a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine, even though it's full of scrubs. I get a big pop out of the Mascaras elimination every time, Funker is a lot of fun, and it honestly amazes me that they haven't tried to rehash the Steve Austin elimination and save given how much they've repeated every other idea they've ever had - I was convinced they were doing it this year when Reigns, Rollins and Punk started brawling on the outside with referees separating them.

[Dr. Alan Grant]

15 hours ago, d-d-d-dAz said:

Jeff Jarrett being a 'groaner' breaks my heart..

I’ve always hated the fella until he showed up in AEW. Even amongst the awful gimmicks of the mid 90s, he just doesn’t fit in at all. If he shows up in Rumble ‘26, he’ll be off the list. 

[Chili]

15 minutes ago, BomberPat said:

Terry is my Rumble MVP in '98, and he's a lot of fun in '97 too precisely for all the mad ways he gets caught up in the ropes - everyone else is doing the usual tying their legs around the top rope, and Funker is just all over the place, tied up in mad ways, seasawing on the middle rope, just a joy to watch. In '98 especially, he seems to be trying to have little mini-matches with everyone - he does the Hardcore brawl with Cactus, but then he squares up to Marc Mero as if they're going to have a boxing match. One of the few wrestlers to treat a Rumble as a unique match where you have to work with multiple different workers of different styles, rather than just brawling or hitting your spots.

The '97 Rumble is a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine, even though it's full of scrubs. I get a big pop out of the Mascaras elimination every time, Funker is a lot of fun, and it honestly amazes me that they haven't tried to rehash the Steve Austin elimination and save given how much they've repeated every other idea they've ever had - I was convinced they were doing it this year when Reigns, Rollins and Punk started brawling on the outside with referees separating them.

I don't know how to embed Bluesky links on here so unfortunately it's the X version which I'm getting rid of soon, but I was inspired to put together some Funk choice cuts from 1998.

 

 

 

[Dr. Alan Grant]

 

2000

1. First Two Participants. D’Lo Brown and Grand Master Sexay. This is the year 2000, where pretty much everyone is over or at least gets some reaction. Who doesn’t love a D’Lo head wobble and a Sexay laugh? 

2. Groaners. Headbanger Mosh. I usually quite like the Headbangers, but this time he comes out wearing green, furry traffic cone boobs and I’m not in the mood. The British Bulldog. Any other year, he wouldn’t touch the groaners list. But he’s in his blue jeans phase with the cuffs turned up. Go away, you juiced up denim dork. Bob Backlund, who has clearly forgotten his PE kit and has raided lost property for his grim red shorts. Al Snow, completely devoid of his Head gimmick and now looks like the world’s most boring man in a black singlet. Clearly the mannequin was the only thing of interest he ever had. Disgusting Prince Albert. 4 groaners for one Rumble though, that’s not bad at all.

3. Best Elimination. Taka Michinoku. I don’t care that he wasn’t an official entry. Nothing comes close to him flying over the top and landing straight on his face. So good they replayed it half a dozen times. The silver medal to Big Show gorilla pressing X-Pac over. Somebody needs to win a Rumble this way one year. It’s cool as fuck. 

4. Best Moment. No contest. It’s Too Cool dancing. My favourite moment from any Royal Rumble. Annoyingly I couldn’t find it on YouTube, so apologies for the Twitter link.

5. Worst Moment. A “we want puppies” chant. During a point in the match where the only person who might conceivably have a pair is Boss Man.

6. Best Move. Viscera with a belly to belly on Rikishi. Then getting a Rikishi super kick not long after for his trouble. 

7. Biggest Pops. Rikishi. Test, who I think would be a pretty big star were he around today. A blonde Roman Reigns. I popped for Gangrel, but the crowd didn’t care. Fools. They don’t deserve a swaggering, sexy vampire. Edge. Oh, so you like him but not Gangrel? I bet this crowd would prefer Edward Cullen in Twilight over David in The Lost Boys. Phillistines. Big reactions for Jericho, The Rock and Billy Gunn. 

8. Funniest Moment. After his elimination, Bob Backlund storms up the stairs through the crowd. 

9. Any Laying About? Not unless you count Road Dogg ingeniously hanging on to the bottom rope.

10. Final Four. The Rock, Big Show, Kane and an out of his depth X-Pac. 

11. Standout Performance. Rikishi. A dominant showing, central to the Greatest Rumble Moment Ever and gave zero fucks about eliminating his buddies.

12. Final Rating. I loved this one. The short entrance way, the yellow taxi constantly in shot, excellent set pieces and a fiery crowd. 5/5

2001

1. First two participants. Jeff Hardy and Bull Buchanan. Why?

2. Groaners. Bull Buchanan. Drew Carey. Al Snow who, in an apt metaphor, throw a bin of rubbish into the ring. Perry Saturn. The Goodfather. Albert. K Kwik. Right To Censor Val Venis. The One Billy Gunn. 

3. Best Elimination. Kane throw Steve Blackman over the top, who holds on with both hands. Then Kane wallops him in the head with a bin lid to finish the job. 

4. Best Moment. The Honky Tonk Man sings his song only to take a nasty guitar shot to the head from Kane. Also, Haku! 

5. Worst moment. It’s a tossup. The silly hardcore weapons. Bin lids, road signs. At least Steve Blackman used some cool martial art sticks. Either that, or Tazz being eliminated within seconds and suffering the double indignity of a prominent “My crap is bigger than Tazz” sign on display. 

6. Best Move. A Stone Cold stunner to The Rock, who bounces afterwards.

7. Biggest Pops. Grand Master Sexay. The Rock. Big Show. American Badass Undertaker. Stone Cold Steve Austin with another monstrous pop.

8. Funniest Moment. Drew Carey offering Kane some money. Followed closely by the sign saying “There’s a rumble in my pants.”

9. Any Laying About? You better believe there isn’t.

10. Final Four. The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Kane and…Billy Gunn. Someone here doesn’t belong.

11. Standout Performance. IT’S GOTTA BE KANE. See? He wasn’t always shit. He’s in the thick of the action at all times.

12. Final Rating. The first half is passable, the second when all the big boys arrive makes for great viewing. A stonking final 5 minutes too. 4/5

And this at the end is an insane visual. 

Hang it in the Louvre as the young ‘uns say. 

2002

1. First Two Participants. Rikishi and Goldust. 

2. Groaners. Al Snow. Albert, now called a hip hop hippo. Didn’t he do the same dancing shit with Brodus Clay years later? Perry Saturn. A short haired Val Venis. 

3. Best Elimination. Two good ones here. Undertaker chokeslams Goldust out and Kane bodyslams Big Show over. 

4. Best Moment. It’s another long section. The Hardy Boyz enter consecutively to double team evil Undertaker, then Lita joins in on the beat down. Taker eventually gets the upper hand and throws them both out. A cocky deadman stands in the ring as Maven is next in. The Hardy’s come back in and attack Undertaker, who then throws Jeff flying under the bottom rope. Maven hits a beautiful dropkick to Undertaker’s back and out he goes. Crowd goes berserk. Taker is piiiiiissed.

He goes after Maven and hits him with an incredibly nasty chairshot to the head, pushes over a cameraman and decks a dancing Scotty 2 Hotty in the aisle. Then continues to beat up Maven through the crowd into the concessions area. There he throws Maven headfirst into a popcorn machine and stuffs a mouthful in. 

Cinema.

5. Worst Moment. I’d have to be really picky to find something bad here. The Maven chairshot is grim.

6. Best Move. An RVD 5 Star Frogsplash to Kurt Angle. Nobody does that move better. 

7. Biggest Pops. Limp Bizkit Undertaker, The Godfather (and 12, count ‘em, 12 ladies), Triple H, RVD and a DEAFENING roar for Austin. 

8. Funniest Moment. This Hurricane double chokeslam fail.

9. Any Laying About? A little! Everyone else is down and out in the corners so Kane and Big Show can have a face-off. So there you have it. The two people to blame for the current state of Rumble matches is perennial favourites Glenn and Paul.

10. Final Four. Stone Cold Steve Austin, Triple H, Kurt Angle and a “you’ve still got it” Mr. Perfect. Another contender for best final four.

11. Standout Performance. Undertaker. The popcorn munching, Hardy beating, Maven smashing, cameraman shoving, Scotty punching Big Evil Prick.

12. Final Rating. This Rumble is structured differently to any that came before. On numerous occasions, the ring is cleared out. At no point is there a crowd of people filling up space. It’s fast paced, the crowd are on top form and Mr. Perfect is back. 4.5/5. Popcorn for everyone.

The ranking so far.

1. 1992 (5/5)

2. 2000 (5/5)

3. 1990 (4.5/5)

4. 2002 (4.5/5)

5. 1997 (4/5)

6. 2001 (4/5)

7. 1989 (3.5/5)

8. 1998 (3/5)

9. 1993 (3/5)

10. 1991 (3/5)

11. 1988 (3/5)

12. 1994 (2.5/5)

13. 1999 (2.5/5)

14. 1996 (2/5)

15. 1995 (1/5)

15 down, many, many more to go.

Edited February 28, 2025 by Dr. Alan Grant

[Carbomb]

I remember 2002 primarily for being the returns of Goldust and Mr. Perfect. I remember them also trying to push the "returns" of Val Venis and The Godfather, but I wasn't buying that, as it just seemed like they'd always been on the roster but were in Cult Deprogramming School at the time.

[TheBurningRed]

17 hours ago, Dr. Alan Grant said:

Didn’t he do the same dancing shit with Brodus Clay years later?

He did. And they changed his name from Tensai to Sweet T. 

Loving the reviews. Thanks in advance for rewatching the shit years so we don’t have to. 

[Dr. Alan Grant]

3 hours ago, TheBurningRed said:

Loving the reviews. Thanks in advance for rewatching the shit years so we don’t have to. 

Haven’t I already done the shit years with 95 and 96? I’ve seen every Rumble up to 2001 many, many times. After that it’s usually just once or twice. So my memory is very fuzzy for any past that point. It can’t be worse than those mid 90s ones. Can it? Please? 

[TheBurningRed]

5 hours ago, Dr. Alan Grant said:

It can’t be worse than those mid 90s ones. Can it? Please? 

Wait until 2015. The worst Rumble in modern times. 

[FLips]

I remember us rushing to the school library to read the Rumble 02 results on the Monday morning because we couldn't wait to get home to watch it (this was at a time where a mate's dad's mate would tape it, then we'd have to wait for him to watch it and pass it down). We were amazed at Mr Perfect, Goldust and Co coming back. Back then a year or two felt like a lifetime, especially when you only watched the PPVs and old tapes.

[air_raid]

5 hours ago, TheBurningRed said:

Wait until 2015. The worst Rumble in modern times. 

2012 is far worse. Anaemic.

[Slapnut]

2 hours ago, air_raid said:

2012 is far worse. Anaemic.

I don’t think he’s anaemic, just Irish and ginger.

[Chili]

2012 was the one that had all three announcers, Road Dogg, Foley and one Uso but not the other randomly in it. A fucking awful match, it was insultingly bad for Rumble matches. At least 2015 shat the bed with some star power.

[BomberPat]

On 3/1/2025 at 4:29 PM, FLips said:

I remember us rushing to the school library to read the Rumble 02 results on the Monday morning because we couldn't wait to get home to watch it (this was at a time where a mate's dad's mate would tape it, then we'd have to wait for him to watch it and pass it down). We were amazed at Mr Perfect, Goldust and Co coming back. Back then a year or two felt like a lifetime, especially when you only watched the PPVs and old tapes.

Weirdly, they ran video packages in the weeks leading up to the Rumble telling you that Goldust, Perfect, Godfather and Val Venis were all going to be in it, and I hated it at the time, and was down on the match because of it, as it felt like it was a waste of some surprises. But to have Goldust come out at a number two was a bit of a best of both worlds, that you knew he was coming back, but you didn't expect him to come out straight away. 

I know there had been random one-offs and cameos in the years prior, but 2002 felt like the first time they really sold the Rumble ahead of time as a match where you'll see some surprise faces coming back. 

[Dr. Alan Grant]

It’s almost April. You know what that means! WrestleMania season? No, it’s Rumble time. 

These 3 were a slog to get through. 

2003

1. First Two Participants. Shawn Michaels, complete with oily, hairy, disgusting chest and Chris Jericho, who soon busts Michaels open with a chair. Fun start.

2. Groaners. Chris Nowinski, who presumably wasn’t happy with the chair shot at the start. Chavo Guerrero. Bill Demott, who elicited the biggest groan from me since Dino Bravo’s last appearance. Bull Buchanan, here called B2. Rosey, who helpfully answers the question of what Roman Reigns would look like if he stopped hitting the gym. Test, now with short hair and trunks. He’s so bland now. Charlie Haas, but only because he came out to Kurt Angle’s music and I was annoyed it wasn’t him. Jamal. Shelton Benjamin. Dammit, they teased me again. It’s not your fault, Shelton. You just have misleading music. A-Train, even more disgustingly hairier than HBK. 

3. Best Elimination. Rey Mysterio clotheslined over the top by Jericho. Given Rey’s stature, I didn’t think it would be possible to do that. Also, we get a nice F5 over the top from Lesnar to Matt Hardy. 

4. Best Moment. Rikishi with a stink face to Jamal. Forget Roman, the Usos and Sami, this is the true beginning of the Bloodline saga. 

5. Worst Moment. There’s nothing bad here, but the whole affair is pretty unexceptional. 

6. Best Move. Edge spears Christian. His spears are often a bit lacklustre, but this was a damn good one. 

7. Biggest Pops. I popped big for Tajiri, even if his music on the Netflix stream sounded fake. I certainly don’t remember it being that. Otherwise, RVD, Jeff Hardy, Lesnar and Taker got the crowd going.  

8. Funniest Moment. Shannon Moore lies on top of Matt Hardy to stop Jeff from hitting a swanton. It doesn’t work. 

9. Any Laying About? Negative. 

10. Final Four. Kane, Undertaker, Batista and Brock Lesnar. Seeing Batista and Lesnar together made me wonder if they ever had a singles match. Sure, I could look it up on CageMatch, but asking the good UKFF is preferable. Did it ever happen?

11. Standout Performance. RVD injected a bit of life into things.

12. Final Rating. A lot of high flyers/faster guys in this. Edge, Christian, RVD, the Hardy Boyz, Rey Mysterio, Jericho. But it’s so forgettable. I had to look it up on Wikipedia for this write-up to remind myself who won. 2/5

2004

1. First Two Participants. Chris Benoit and Randy Orton. 

2. Groaners. A short haired, pre-JBL Bradshaw. Matt Morgan. Rene Dupree, who has a funny little dance and nothing else. A-Train and his pierced nipples. Rico.  

3. Best Elimination. Mick Foley does his patented over the rope clothesline to Randy and they both go out.

4. Best Moment. The Mick Foley/Randy Orton brawl. Some horrific chairshots included. 

5. Worst Moment. Another nondescript Rumble with nothing bad per se, so I’m going to be petty and nominate Big Show’s drool when Kurt has the ankle lock on him. 

6. Best Move. A lovely Goldberg spear.

7. Biggest Pops. Taker’s gong, even though he doesn’t show up. Kurt Angle. But the reaction for Mick Foley is explosive.

8. Funniest Moment. During his brawl with Orton, Mick Foley hits an official with the steel steps. I don’t know why I laughed. I think it was Fit Finlay. But he hit the floor so fast, I couldn’t help but burst out laughing. 

9. Any Laying About? A little bit crept in when Kane entered. Everyone hiding in the corners, waiting for their turn to attack him. I’ve got my eye on you now, Kane. Don’t let it happen again. 

10. Final Four. Big Show, Chris Jericho, Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle. 

11. Standout Performance. Nunzio!

A mandible claw before he even hits the ring!

 

Sitting down at ringside enjoying the show!

 

Covering his face so Cena doesn’t spot him!

Going after the biggest guy in the match!

Getting in the way of an Irish whip because he’s walking on his knees for some reason!

Taking the best Goldberg spear Of All Time!

Becoming a legend!

God bless Nunzio. 

12. Final Rating. Thank fuck for Nunzio and Mick Foley. Another fairly nothing Rumble. 2.5/5

 

2005

1. First Two Participants. Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit. Initially I thought this might be the most depressing opening two in Rumble history. Then I remembered Dino Bravo was number 2 in 1991. So forget that. 

2. Groaners. Daniel Puder. Kenzo Suzuki. Luther Reigns. Muhammad Hassan. Orlando Jordan. Rene Dupree. Simon Dean. Jonathan Coachman. Mark Jindrak. Gene Snitsky. I have lost the will to live. 

3. Best Elimination. Paul London. He’s on the apron, Snitsky goes for a clothesline with one arm, London ducks, Snitsky tries with the other arm and…goddamn. London spins and lands with an almighty thud. Probably ended up next to Taka Michinoku in the same ward for treating smashed faces. 

4. Best Moment. Since I’ve forced this format on myself, I have to choose something even in these mid-00s snoozefests. An angry Kurt Angle attacks HBK and we get some blood and an ankle lock. 

5. Worst Moment. Tazz on commentary. “Oh, I hope it’s a Smackdown guy! Hey, he’s from Smackdown! Smackdown represent! Go, Smackdown!” At one point, he simply chanted “Smackdown, Smackdown” as the countdown reached zero. If I was JR, I would have poisoned him at the desk and carried on solo. 

6. Best Move. A Batista bomb to Kane. 

7. Biggest Pops. A Raw V Smackdown face-off got a good reaction. Thankfully they weren’t wearing red and blue shirts. Batista gets the Pop Of The Night however. 

8. Funniest Moment. It was only when Cena and Batista were left as the final two that I remembered what was coming next. Vince destroying his quads is perhaps the funniest moment in Rumble history. What were Cena, Batista, the commentators, the refs, the crowd and the viewers all thinking at the time?

9. Any Laying About? Kane again. Everyone down and out so he can have a little moment with Snitsky. One by one, everyone lines up for a chokeslam. Now here comes Batista, everyone’s having a siesta again so he can have a minute to shine. That’s two years in a row for Kane. There you have it. He’s responsible for the decline in Rumble quality. Mayor of Shitsville.

10. Final Four. Batista, Edge, John Cena and Rey Mysterio. 20 years later and three of these are still at it. Amazing. 

11. Standout Performance. Big Dave on his ascent to the top.

12. Final Rating. It was better than the previous two, but I’m going to forget the bulk of it rather quickly. 2.5/5

The ranking so far (I’m giving them names so I can remember what they are for future reference)

1. 1992 - That’s Not Fair To Flair (5/5)

2. 2000 - Too Cool Dances At MSG (5/5)

3. 1990 - Hogan/Warrior “Nobody Moves!” (4.5/5)

4. 2002 - Undertaker Eats Popcorn (4.5/5)

5. 1997 - Stone Cold’s Invisible Watch (4/5)

6. 2001 - The Return Of Honky Tonk (4/5)

7. 1989 - Hogan Is A Dirty Cheating Bastard (3.5/5)

8. 1998 - Rise Of Rocky (3/5)

9. 1993 - Mr. Backlund (3/5)

10. 1991 - Dino Bravo At Number Two (3/5)

11. 1988 - Nikolai Volkoff Is Too Early (3/5)

12. 1994 - Big Daddy Cool (2.5/5)

13. 1999 - Vince McMahon: Rumble Winner (2.5/5)

14. 2005 - Double Quad Explosion (2.5/5)

15. 2004 - Nunzio For Hall Of Fame (2.5/5)

16. 2003 - Bork Laser (2/5)

17. 1996 - Squat Team (2/5)

18. 1995 - British Bulldog Clearly Won (1/5)

Hopefully the next three are an improvement.