Keith Houchen Posted January 17 Share Posted January 17 Whilst not a specific funeral story, it does include rural Ireland. One of the selling points for my parents new car was that they can fit the lawnmower in it to take it to the cemetery. I had a wedding reception in the town and my mum chose the location because it overlooked said cemetery. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members IANdrewDiceClay Posted January 17 Paid Members Share Posted January 17 (edited) On 1/16/2024 at 8:26 PM, TheBurningRed said: Thought I’d share the two most random people I’ve seen at funerals. I went down to Portsmouth for my friends. He had told me he had a mate called Chris who was a bouncer and wrestler. Never knew who it was though. Turned out to be Brit Wres “star” Flatliner. He made sure he was the star of the wake. Had more jewellery on than Bobby George and had the Hogan durag. Took my Nan to a funeral in the Brentford area for someone she used to work for. It was a burial. Imagine my surprise when standing oppposite me with the rest of the mourners was Julian Clary. I thought I was hallucinating. Did he have a bedazzled piss bag on his hip as well? Maybe a little feather boa wrapped around it. Edited January 17 by IANdrewDiceClay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members TheBurningRed Posted January 18 Paid Members Share Posted January 18 1 hour ago, IANdrewDiceClay said: Did he have a bedazzled piss bag on his hip as well? Maybe a little feather boa wrapped around it. Unfortunately not haha. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Carbomb Posted January 18 Paid Members Share Posted January 18 6 hours ago, WeeAl said: I think I've read out 4 posts already from this thread to the others in the room. That involves trying to explain what this place even is. Which is a pretty fucking difficult task to be willing to take on, but I felt more people had to hear this shit. Being from Northern Ireland, @mim731's experience would be much more normal round these parts, whereas some of the other experiences mentioned here seem kind of alien to me. A funeral around here is like a game of guess who. Nobody knows who the fuck anybody is, but it's the done thing to turn up at your granny's neighbours son's girlfriend's uncle's funeral, and say to the family you recognised the man's picture in the funeral times from the Spar employee of the month photo's. "Ah. So you did son. Here, have an egg an onion bap and a cuppa. Tell me this, do you know Davy down the road, does the fencin' and a bita roofin' and that carry on?" "I Do aye John." "His daughter's just broke up with her fella, she's about your age. Over there look, take your tae over there and keep her company". 😉 "That's my sister." "Best ignore the wink then." And so it goes. Going to all the funerals in the parish to test out who supplied the best biscuits is the only way you can ever get back some value against the cost of the burial plot. It's only because of @klown, having visited his neck of the woods in Norn Iron, that I became aware of egg & onion being a thing at all. We'd stopped at a petrol station, and I'd gone to pick up a sandwich, and was so intrigued by this filling I'd never seen anywhere in England that I picked up one for lunch. When I mentioned it to him, he said "Yeh, it's everywhere here - even at funerals, you get an aunt coming round saying 'Ah, so sorry, love - I did you a round of egg & onion...'" (His delivery was very funny.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members WeeAl Posted January 18 Paid Members Share Posted January 18 6 hours ago, Carbomb said: It's only because of @klown, having visited his neck of the woods in Norn Iron, that I became aware of egg & onion being a thing at all. We'd stopped at a petrol station, and I'd gone to pick up a sandwich, and was so intrigued by this filling I'd never seen anywhere in England that I picked up one for lunch. When I mentioned it to him, he said "Yeh, it's everywhere here - even at funerals, you get an aunt coming round saying 'Ah, so sorry, love - I did you a round of egg & onion...'" (His delivery was very funny.) Well known to cure grief. . .so it does. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Some Guy Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 Spent the afternoon at my mate's mum's funeral. Catholic service at the crem. I'm not Catholic and this is the first Catholic funeral I've attended. At the end the priest says, "If anyone would like to sprinkle the coffin please come forward". I'm thinking, "What the hell is happening now?" Anyway, mates two sisters walk up and, (a-ha!), sprinkle holy water out of a bottle. My mate steps forward and makes the mistake of squeezing the bottle, squirting high and wide. I've never seen a target missed so badly since Geoff Thomas played for England. To add to the merriment, the minimum I'd expect from a priest is to know the name of the person Central to your religion. I did laugh at the phrase, "May love of Jesus Chrest....erm, Christ go with you" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Surf Digby Posted January 20 Paid Members Share Posted January 20 On 1/16/2024 at 6:08 PM, Joe Blog said: Bollocks to making people laugh, I want them all to be miserable at my funeral. Nah, I want everyone to come out of mine saying, "What the fuck was that all about?" In 2016, I went to four funerals for people under the age of 40, and they were horrible, miserable affairs. If people are coming to see me off, the least I can do is treat them to a bit of entertainment to show my appreciation. On 1/16/2024 at 4:02 PM, BomberPat said: I've read somewhere (now acutely aware that I'm doing the Stephen Fry Countdown theme thing) that it's one of the most requested song for British funerals, and I can definitely see it. I can think of four funerals that I've been to where they've played Always Look On The Bright Side of Life, and I'm pretty sure I've had it suggested to me by funeral directors, like it's their go-to "lighthearted, non-religious" song. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperBacon Posted January 20 Share Posted January 20 23 minutes ago, Nostalgia Nonce said: In 2016, I went to four funerals 23 minutes ago, Nostalgia Nonce said: I can think of four funerals Reverse Hugh Grant over here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members garynysmon Posted January 24 Paid Members Share Posted January 24 I don’t really have any anecdotes to add as all the funerals I’ve attended have been your standard rural Welsh chapel affairs which don’t even include a pub bash after. I’ve just wasted half an hour cackling away like a madman here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Lion_of_the_Midlands Posted January 24 Author Paid Members Share Posted January 24 8 minutes ago, garynysmon said: which don’t even include a pub bash after How about a pub bash before? I've told my mum a number of these stories as cautionary tale of what won't be happening at hers. She reminded me this one that she went to a few years ago. A friend of hers was killed in a motorbike accident while on holiday in Portugal. It took a while for the Portuguese authorities to go through all the investigation but when it was done he was transported back. He was a man who enjoyed his life and had always been clear he didn't want a traditional funeral. On the day of the funeral the coffin was taken to his favourite pub where all his friends had gathered. It was supposed to be there 2 hours before it was taken by the undertakers up to the crematorium for a short service before he went through the curtains. In that two hours everyone got pretty drunk, buying consoling brandies for his partner and drinking many toasts to his memory. When time came to take him to the crematorium the undertakers had to clear a considerable number of glasses off the coffin. He was cheered out of the pub and into the back of the hearse where he was given a final toast as they drove away. No one went to the crematorium apart from the undertakers as everyone else went back inside to continue drinking saying "It's what he would have wanted" which my mum assures me is true. My mum made her excuses and left a short time later, she doesn't drink (anymore) but she didn't go to the crematorium as she said it would have felt a bit weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Chest Rockwell Posted January 24 Moderators Share Posted January 24 Makes sense tbh. They'd already said their goodbyes; no need to break up the party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Lion_of_the_Midlands Posted January 24 Author Paid Members Share Posted January 24 I agree Chest, but spare a thought for poor old Gary can't even get half a shandy after his Welsh Baptist send offs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Gus Mears Posted January 24 Paid Members Share Posted January 24 What Gary's funeral lacks in booze it will more than make up with a 6 sided coffin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Lorne Malvo Posted January 24 Paid Members Share Posted January 24 28 minutes ago, Lion_of_the_Midlands said: I agree Chest, but spare a thought for poor old Gary can't even get half a shandy after his Welsh Baptist send offs. He's not that arsed, he has to rush home early anyway to catch Xplosion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperBacon Posted January 24 Share Posted January 24 34 minutes ago, Lion_of_the_Midlands said: I agree Chest, but spare a thought for poor old Gary can't even get half a shandy after his Welsh Baptist send offs. 20 minutes ago, Gus Mears said: What Gary's funeral lacks in booze it will more than make up with a 6 sided coffin. Erm...can I just have The Man Who Sold The World -Nirvana version please? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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