Putting the FUN in funerals!

[SuperBacon]

19 minutes ago, Mr_Danger said:

For my older brother I wanted them to play the Terminator 2 music as his coffin went in to the incinerator as it was a favourite song of his to play on his keyboard, it’s fucking funny and he’d have loved it but I was heavily outvoted in favour of some shitty YouTube sad song about heaven that he would have hated. I maintain I was right.

[BomberPat]

1 hour ago, Keith Houchen said:

A mate of mine killed himself and had “Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life” at his funeral, which was a nice touch.

I've read somewhere (now acutely aware that I'm doing the Stephen Fry Countdown theme thing) that it's one of the most requested song for British funerals, and I can definitely see it.

My friend's Mum's funeral was all very traditional and sombre, though no hymns, up until the coffin was carried out, at which point they played "Spirit In The Sky", and all the pallbearers did a little knee-bobbing dance step with the coffin. Big laughs all round.

The last funeral I went to was for a friend who took his own life a few years back. Proper Hulkamania sell-out numbers in the church, standing room only at the back, absolutely packed, so much so that more than a few people at the wake were saying they wish they could have grabbed him and said, "look how many people love you, you fucking idiot". The actual service was the weirdest one I've been to, though - very obviously all planned out by his Mum, with no input from his partner or brother or anyone else, as it was all very traditional Catholic fare, while he was an angry atheist heavy metal bloke. None of the service or eulogy seemed to be talking about him, or at least any version of him any of us recognised, to the point that when it mentioned his partner, a few people mouthed "who?", as they used her full name, which none of us had ever heard before! He was a Southampton supporter, and the only nod to anything personal to him was that they played "When The Saints Go Marching In" at the end of the service. 

I don't suppose he'd have cared - I expect his approach would have been "well, I'm not going to see it, do whatever you like" - and I suppose funerals are for those left behind, and if going ultra-religious for the service made it easier for his Mum, then whatever helps her get through it, but it was all very odd.

 

At my Gran's funeral, I was sat with my cousin - she's 10 years younger than me, I'd have been maybe 21 or 22 at the time, so she's 11 or 12. Her Mum, my aunt, used to have a real complex about people thinking she was old, as she tries to stay active, has always traveled a lot, and is a bit of a bohemian type - she wouldn't let me call her aunt or auntie when I was a kid, because she thought it made her sound old, and she would never tell her kid how old she really was. So I'm sat with my cousin while the vicar talks through our Gran's life story, and she says in what year my Gran's first child, my aunt, was born. I glance down at my cousin, and after a quick calculation on her fingers, she's sat there, in the middle of a eulogy, grinning from ear to ear.

[Mr_Danger]

36 minutes ago, SuperBacon said:

Precisely what I was going for!

[Lion_of_the_Midlands]

The other good thing about a funeral is that you can re-ignite a family feud without even thinking about it. At my nans funeral whilst the Lords Prayer was being read I added a bit because I knew it would make my family laugh at a difficult time. So "Deliver us from evil" became "Deliver us from evil Edna" and it made my mum, sister and brother laugh.

How was I supposed to know that my nans sister Edna was directly behind us and was not amused. After the service Edna blanked us but remarked to her husband that if their children had been there they would have been very well, loud enough for my mum to hear. My mum in all her subtlety remarked that it's a shame Edna's kids weren't there because she wanted to see if the youngest still looked like their lodger. Needless to say Evil Edna did not come to the wake. You know that families have those unspoken rules, in the older members of mine it was "Don't leave your husband alone with Edna, the poor bugger doesn't stand a chance"

For those who are interested, yes the youngest was the lodgers kid. At it like knives apparently. 

[johnnyboy]

3 hours ago, BomberPat said:

my Dad has always said he wants "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash or "I'm On Fire" by Bruce Springsteen for the crematorium. Lazy joke, but it'll do.

 

In a similar dad joke vein I've pencilled in "Feeling Hot, Hot, Hot" as the furnace fires up.

Edited January 16 by johnnyboy

[Joe Blog]

Bollocks to making people laugh, I want them all to be miserable at my funeral. 
 

Into the West by Annie Lennox for me, not a dry eye in the house. 

[Frankie Crisp]

My Nan passed away in late 2001, when Booker T was still relatively new to me. The funeral was beautifully put together and I was privileged to be one of the ones to carry her; as big an honour as it was, it messed me up big time. I got way drunker than planned and ended up trying to do a Spineroonie in the car park at the end of the night. It was more like an upturned tortoise having a seizure outside Preston Guild Hall, with a bit of gravel thrown in. Wrecked my second suit in the space of six weeks.

I also shit my kecks on the walk home from my Grandad's funeral after trying to keep up with my old man's drinking speed. That was six weeks earlier.

Edited January 16 by Frankie Crisp

[Scratch]

5 years ago a regular member of our Monday 6-a-side football group was diagnosed with cancer and was dead within a month. An absolutely lovely bloke with 4 boys, we were all devastated.

I proposed we all chipped in for a floral tribute and the boys donated good. We raised quite a bit of money and not really knowing how such things worked or how much such things cost, I called the local florist and asked if they could do a tribute in the shape of a football.

They asked how big and I just said whatever you can do for the money we’d collected.

On the day of the funeral, those from footy that could get out of work turned up and just as the hearse was making its final approach to the chapel, I heard a loud “Fuck me!” from my mate Ashley. We all turned to look at the hearse and saw the BIGGEST floral football you could imagine. I mean, this thing was comedically huge - easily comparable to those big yoga exercise ball things.

It was so big, all the “Dad” and “Brother” tributes had fallen off the coffin and were face down around the edge, meaning all that could be seen was this massive fucking football.

I can’t remember laughing so hard and trying so hard not to. None of the couple of hundred people who showed up knew who we were or why there was just a big football on the coffin.

I still laugh about it now.

[Arch Stanton]

This thread odd the best thing on here for ages

[SuperBacon]

23 minutes ago, Scratch said:

We all turned to look at the hearse and saw the BIGGEST floral football you could imagine

Well I know what I'm getting for Chest now.

[Joe Blog]

1 hour ago, Frankie Crisp said:

I also shit my kecks on the walk home from my Grandad's funeral

At least you didn’t fuck your cousin.

[Thunderplex]

My daughter says she’s going to have “Highway to Hell” played at mine.  Thanks sweetheart.

At my dads funeral, my mum decided the songs, and chose “Wind beneath my wings”.  I whispered to my sister that I heard him banging on the coffin and shouting “turn that shit off.”

All went fine apart from the fact that Les Dawson turned up to play the organ in the church.  One bar into “Abide With Me” and the bum notes started.  Set me off, which set my sister off, which set Mum off, and we were just trembling trying not to piss ourselves.  After the funeral, a lady who was near the back approached us to say how bad she felt for us, all visibly weeping.  Poor cow had no idea.

[Devon Malcolm]

I've never been to a funeral. Looking at the general UKFF behaviour at them, probably for the best.

[SuperBacon]

It is funny how quickly your mind goes dark at funerals though.

I went to one not long ago where 3 trained white doves were symbolically thrown in the air and flew away, which was really nice actually, and all I could think was "Be well funny if they flew straight into the crematorium building"

Just out of nowhere that came.

[I Bent My Wookie]

57 minutes ago, Scratch said:

5 years ago a regular member of our Monday 6-a-side football group was diagnosed with cancer and was dead within a month. An absolutely lovely bloke with 4 boys, we were all devastated.

I proposed we all chipped in for a floral tribute and the boys donated good. We raised quite a bit of money and not really knowing how such things worked or how much such things cost, I called the local florist and asked if they could do a tribute in the shape of a football.

They asked how big and I just said whatever you can do for the money we’d collected.

On the day of the funeral, those from footy that could get out of work turned up and just as the hearse was making its final approach to the chapel, I heard a loud “Fuck me!” from my mate Ashley. We all turned to look at the hearse and saw the BIGGEST floral football you could imagine. I mean, this thing was comedically huge - easily comparable to those big yoga exercise ball things.

It was so big, all the “Dad” and “Brother” tributes had fallen off the coffin and were face down around the edge, meaning all that could be seen was this massive fucking football.

I can’t remember laughing so hard and trying so hard not to. None of the couple of hundred people who showed up knew who we were or why there was just a big football on the coffin.

I still laugh about it now.

I'm crying with laughter so much in the pub someone's just asked me if I'm okay as I think they think I'm having a meltdown.

This thread will take some beating come next year's awards.