Paid Members Gus Mears Posted May 7, 2019 Paid Members Share Posted May 7, 2019 I got a new job as manager of Elton John's toupee. Things were going well until a show at Covent Garden when his hair started spinning round on its own accord like Linda Blair's head in the Exorcist. After the gig, Elton fired me while jabbing his finger at me and calling me a useless cunt in Alan Sugar's voice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Chest Rockwell Posted May 7, 2019 Moderators Share Posted May 7, 2019 (edited) I had a dream the other day. I can't really remember the context of what the rest of the dream was about but there was a man with like a medieval heavy armour get up, except it was all covered in meat, and it was somehow powered from within, and the meat was being cooked, and he was shaving it off kind of like a doner kebab suit. It was amazing. Obviously when I first woke up in a haze I thought I had dreamed up a million dollar invention but the flaws in the design quickly became apparent... Edited May 7, 2019 by Chest Rockwell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Undefeated Steak Posted March 22, 2020 Share Posted March 22, 2020 Had a wildly vivid dream last night that featured this forum. There was a new mobile game out where someone had modded an old WWE game. It was kind of augmented reality, you had to visit venues around the country and interact with them to 'perform' there and advance your career. A few posters from here featured in the dream but as I don't know what you look like, you all appeared how I'd imagine you to look. @WyattSheepMask was obviously wearing the sheep mask. The venues were all the traditional ones you'd expect, but the highlight was meeting @tiger_rick who was clearly standing on a street in front of a privet hedgerow, selling food at a bright orange stall. His location was Cheeseburger Championship Wrestling. No idea what it was all about but I cant get Cheeseburger Championship Wrestling out of my head this morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Callum1993 Posted March 22, 2020 Share Posted March 22, 2020 CCDub! CCDub! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperBacon Posted March 22, 2020 Share Posted March 22, 2020 This has just jogged my memory that a few nights ago, I had a dream where me and my ex gave @John Matrix a present (unspecified) and had to go to an island to give it to him (could've been the island Arnie attacks in Commando tbh). The problem was that this island resembled one of the castles from a Mario game and there was lava everywhere. My ex kept shouting:"Why are we here when you don't even know what he looks like?" Hope you enjoyed your present buddy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members John Matrix Posted March 22, 2020 Author Paid Members Share Posted March 22, 2020 8 hours ago, SuperBacon said: This has just jogged my memory that a few nights ago, I had a dream where me and my ex gave @John Matrix a present (unspecified) and had to go to an island to give it to him (could've been the island Arnie attacks in Commando tbh). The problem was that this island resembled one of the castles from a Mario game and there was lava everywhere. My ex kept shouting:"Why are we here when you don't even know what he looks like?" Hope you enjoyed your present buddy. This has made me smile so much! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators PowerButchi Posted December 23, 2020 Moderators Share Posted December 23, 2020 Its probably due to the pissed up nap I just had on the sofa, but I just dreamt about the sitcom Taxi and then went from watching it to me just SCREAMING IT HAD THE BEST CAST EVER at my mate Scouse George, and then I was in it and I was still screaming, and I got Tony Danza to shoot him and now I've woken up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Surf Digby Posted January 11, 2021 Paid Members Share Posted January 11, 2021 The night before last I dreamed that I was staying in a Travelodge style hotel, and for reasons that never became clear, Richard Madeley managed to blag his way into crashing in my room. Straight away he brings back a group of young folk that he's met, three girls and one guy (who had very shiny dark hair, and might have been Guitar Max from YouTube). Richard reveals that he actually knows one of the girls as she vomited on him once, before gleefully adding the swerve that it happened while they were having a threesome with another girl, Richard wastes no time in whipping her (and possibly one of the other girls) into the en-suite cupboard, leaving me and the shiny haired guy sat on the bed in awkward silence, avoiding eye contact with each other and pretending we can't hear Madeley rutting away four feet from us through a paper thin wall. Last night my missus seemed to be enjoying her dream a bit too much. so I'm assuming she was dreaming about a sexually ravenous Richard Madeley too. She said she can't remember what she was dreaming about, but that sounds a bit too convenient. Getting sidelined by fucking Madeley, two nights on the trot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Surf Digby Posted January 17, 2021 Paid Members Share Posted January 17, 2021 I was about to go on my lunch break when my manager points out I still have loads of unused holiday, and insists I add 24 hours to my lunch break and come back tomorrow. I agree to this, and as I'm packing up my stuff (in what is now a bay-fronted typical 1930s semi) I notice that the ceiling is damp. So I go upstairs and the bath is overflowing, but very gradually as the taps aren't on, and the plug isn't in. I have a rummage and start to pull a mass of long hair out of the plug, suggesting that the waste pipe is clogged. In comes Susannah Hoffs of The Bangles, who starts to seduce me, probably in the hope that I'll fully clean her plug hole for her. She seems well aware of her vintage bintage status as she suggests that I won't have heard of her. "Not so!", I declare, "For I have The Best of The Bangles on CD!" (this is true, it's a double album). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CavemanLynn Posted January 19, 2021 Share Posted January 19, 2021 Joined the Empire. Debuted in a 6 man wearing 2-foot-long night vision goggles. Called myself White Okada. Won with a Snow Plow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hallicks Posted January 20, 2021 Share Posted January 20, 2021 Back at my last job catching up with friends. Decided to take the lift downstairs (there was no lift, it had a ground floor and a mezzanine). The choices were 3, 2, 1, 0 and -6. I said "have you ever been to -6 before?" and the people with me said no, so I pushed it. It goes down for ages and then goes sideways for ages. The doors open to some secret government installation with dudes in combat gear and machine guns. We're trying to find a way out because the lift has disappeared and we're being heckled by some randomers. We finally find a front desk in a building with the most sarcastic receptionist, who you can tell wants us to participate in this weird place and possibly die. We ask to go back and she's very disappointed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wallyoffef Posted January 20, 2021 Share Posted January 20, 2021 i am so satisfacted.my english is poor, sorry :). thx for approving my user greetings wally Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Lion_of_the_Midlands Posted February 14, 2021 Paid Members Share Posted February 14, 2021 Last night I dreamt that Sandi Toksvig was the Prime Minister and that I as Foreign Secretary had to tell her that Argentina had once again invaded the Falkland Islands. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperBacon Posted December 29, 2021 Share Posted December 29, 2021 @Chest Rockwell called me last night on a landline (I havent had one for a good 10 years) He introduced himself as "Chest Rockwell from the UKFF" and even though he was calling on a landline, I could see him speaking, kind of cutting back and forth between 'scenes' His phone set was red, and he was in his kitchen. There was a huge round wooden table in the middle of it and white wooden chairs. He asked me if I would like to go a gig (unspecified) and I clearly said "No thank you Chest Rockwell of the UKFF" then just hung up whilst he was faintly saying "Well hang on, I haven't told you who it is or when it-----" Then I woke up. Chest, I would never hang up on you in real life mate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Tommy! Posted April 30, 2022 Paid Members Share Posted April 30, 2022 Craig Charles was showing me around his house, which was full of Chupa Chups, but his nose had gone rotten and was starting to fall off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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