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Dreams.


John Matrix

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I completely forgot to post but at the weekend, the UKFFs very own @PunkStepappeared in my dreams in a brief cameo.Ā 

I was sitting down having a cup of tea in my front room (not actually my front room as is the norm in dreams) and he appeared in the door way in a suit doing his tie. I don't know if I've ever seen a picture of him, but in my dream he looked like A slimmer Private Pyle from Full Metal Jacket, grade 0 skinhead, about 6'3ish and bulky.

Asked him what he was up to, he told me had that anniversary dinner at Challerton. I haven't looked up whether this is a real restaurant or place. Then he was gone.Ā 

I cant remember whether when he appeared, I said "Alright PunkStep" which would've been ace.

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Does anyone else get extended period of time when you keep dreaming about a topic repeatedly? Not in an anxiety dream way, but just random shit you're fixated on in your dreams that you're not necessarily even thinking of consciously during the day?

I keep dreaming aboutĀ  70's and 80'sĀ comedians;Ā it's ridiculous. I can vouch for the fact that IĀ don't spend most of my day thinking about Bernard Manning or Jim Davidson, but it's some big shitty leitmotif that's dominating whenever I'm asleep presently.Ā 

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I don't usually remember my dreams as I'm quite a light sleeper, but last night's has stuck with me and it's weird.

I dreamed I was at work, and the phone rings.I answered it in my usual cheerful way (my wife can attest to this, I started talking in my sleep and woke her up) and a Bristolian voice is on the other end. It's a guy asking for contact details of a student, telling he urgently needed to speak to her. I said no, and this guy just kicked off at me over the phone. The bit that's really weird and just happened as I got woken up by the alarm was the guy screaming at me 'You need to fucking help me! I'm Justin Lee fucking Collins and you have to help me!'

I had to wikipedia him when I woke up. I genuinely haven't thought about JLC in years. Good times.

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1 hour ago, Gus Mears said:

Does anyone else get extended period of time when you keep dreaming about a topic repeatedly? Not in an anxiety dream way, but just random shit you're fixated on in your dreams that you're not necessarily even thinking of consciously during the day?

I keep dreaming aboutĀ  70's and 80'sĀ comedians;Ā it's ridiculous. I can vouch for the fact that IĀ don't spend most of my day thinking about Bernard Manning or Jim Davidson, but it's some big shitty leitmotif that's dominating whenever I'm asleep presently.Ā 

I have the oppositeĀ ofĀ  thisĀ but it's when I've spent the majority of the day exclusively doing one thing. Say if I spend the whole day on a video game or binge watching a TV show, it will effect my sleep and subsequent dreams, usually in a way which makes it frustrating to keep consistent sleep. It's why I tend to break up my days a lot more now and switch up what I'm doing regularly.

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9 hours ago, SuperBacon said:

I completely forgot to post but at the weekend, the UKFFs very own @PunkStepappeared in my dreams in a brief cameo.Ā 

I was sitting down having a cup of tea in my front room (not actually my front room as is the norm in dreams) and he appeared in the door way in a suit doing his tie. I don't know if I've ever seen a picture of him, but in my dream he looked like A slimmer Privateļ»æ ļ»æPyleļ»æļ»æ from Full Metal Jacket, grade 0 skinhead, about 6'3ish and bulky.

Asked him what he was up to, he told me had that anniversary dinner at Challerton. I haven't looked up whether this is a real restaurant or place. Then he was gone.Ā 

I cant remember whether when he appeared, I said "Alright PunkStep" which would've been ace.

Dream? This actually happened mate. You berated me for eating a jelly donut and then I killed you before shooting myself in the head.

I bet the second half of your dream was a bit shit, apart from the 'me love you long time' bit.

Def not 6'3 and never had a skinhead though!

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I had my first ever UKFF dream last night. I was at Madejski Stadium watching Reading play. The half time whistle blew so I bought a burger and found a park bench next to the pitch. Maxwell and Brian Pillman (possibly Astro Hollywood?!) were arguing on a bench, and as I got closer I could hear them arguing about the vegan thread (ffs). Arguing continued until the crowd started shouting at Maxwell, he then got upset and ran off,Ā and as he was runningĀ away his cowboy hat fell off and a load of uncooked sausages fell out of his pockets.

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Neil Fox was in hisĀ mansion with a bevy of servants. HeĀ was holding DanniiĀ Minogue in the wheelbarrow position as if they were about to enter a sport's day race. They shuffled around the roomĀ with Dr Fox making brumming noises and pretending she was a car.Ā 

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WitnessedĀ a huge crash on the A4 whilst driving Barbara Windsor and Twiggy from Royle Family to their next Panto commitment. While we waited for the police to clear the road Twiggy necked a six pack of Newcastle Brown, got out the car, called all the police cunts, got nicked and wasĀ carted off in the back of a police van.Ā 

Another few hours pass. Iā€™m really thirsty so try and get a few dregs out of Twiggyā€™s empty beer bottles. As soon as one bottle touchesĀ my lips Iā€™m arrested for drink driving and taken off to jail where I see Twiggy taking part in a who can drive through the smalllest gap challenge on Top Gear

No idea if Barb made it to PantoĀ 

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Watching telly and hearingĀ Graham Linehan commentating over highlightsĀ of League 1 and 2 football. Even in my dream, I remember thinking that he was surprisinglyĀ alright. Cut to a segment in between matches, he's sat down interviewing Packie Bonner. Graham unveils a new goalkeeping glove which is going to be the standard from now on. The technology on it bewilders poor Packie, who then breaks down in tears on telly. Graham picks up the glove and says something to the effect of "not sure these gloves will last, they look like a paki invention to me".

And that was that.

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I was seeing a girl called Beth but Jon Hamm was also dating her at the same time. I was round her house watching the telly and he barged in and joined us on the sofa. I fucked off but outside there was a civil war kicking off, so I thought I'd pop down to the local ski resort and wait for everything to blow over. My mate Paul phoned me on the way and asked me to help him shift a load of boxes. I got to his house and these boxes were fucking massive, he tried to put one in the skip and the skip fell over and shattered. His dad came out fuming, proper shouting at him, so me and Paul jumped on the tram. Paul disappeared but the girl who works in the local was on the tram and told me she loves me. Then she asked me to sit on her lap.

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I'd reinvented myself as a Don King type, and was promoting the fight this country's always been clamouring for; Brock Lesnar vs Phil Mitchell. In the weeks leading up to the fight, I'd had Phil knock out Ian Beale as a qualifier, and handcuffed Brock to Sacha Baron Cohen (in character as Bruno) to wind him up by being gay, not to be unlocked until the bell rang. The fight was in a carpark, and Phil was reluctant, not even wearing proper gear, and saying stuff like "my name's Steve..." and not wanting to hit Brock. To get Phil angry, I yelled "Brock's a slag! He's a muppet! He's a nonce!" Brock didn't like the last one,Ā  "not a nonce..." I said, as he started attacking me, and I woke up.

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Was in the childrenā€™s ward of a hospital when I spotted my mate Gary Windass looking troubled. Ā His little boy had been admitted with chicken pox, but when I popped in to see the lad heā€™d clearly been smothered with PVA glue and dipped in Rice Krispies. Ā I pressed Windass on this, who said he was having trouble with Sarah at the mo and hoping to get some money off the hospital for medicine that he could use to pay off his debts.

***

iā€™d been cast in a live stage adaptation of Predator and spent the beginning of the dream hiding out of sight in a big industrial unit watching the other characters being offed in a serious of increasingly violent ways. Ā The director yelled cut, and I found myself mingling with other cast and crew, (at no point have I seen myself at this stage)Ā at which point I was introduced to someone by my co star who said ā€œand Mark is playing the leadĀ role of Roy Cropper, chair of the Predator Historical Societyā€ at which point I turned to see a quantum leap Esque reveal of my reflection in a mirror wearing the exact wardrobe and hairstyle of our Roy.

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I had been asked to sing an Idlewild song to go on some covers compilation album. I accepted of course as I'm a huge fan. So I asked, what song? And the guy said "I don't have the map." and I thought, that's a bit of a weird choice, but ok. I asked when are we recording? And the guy says "right now, you have to do it right now." And I said, well look, I don't think I know all the words off by heart, and the guy says, look, you just have to do it now, we can't do it any other time. So then I'm in this studio with a band and they just start playing the song, and it's a bit easier on the distorted guitars and I start singing and the words come out fine but my voice is shaky as fuck. Then it finishes and I ask the guy if we can do another take and he just looks at me and leaves and I never heard about it again (in the context of the dream).Ā 

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