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Astro Hollywood

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About Astro Hollywood

  • Rank
    World's Deadliest Man
  • Birthday 05/04/1979

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  • Website URL
    http://www.franticplanet.com
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  • Location
    https://www.patreon.com/franticplanet

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  1. They've not announced it, but Fable Anniversary and Project CARS 2 are already available for people in later timezones.
  2. There's one of those in a street near me. Fucking shit myself walking home one day and looking up to see Big Ainsley leering at me through the blinds.
  3. Whoever's behind this is pumping some money into it. Only 37 subscribers (at the time), and taking out ads in Viz as well.
  4. A dog I used to look after savaged both my hands a few years ago. He was a surprisingly strong Welsh Terrier and a lovely boy, but a bit inbred, and I was far from the first person he'd put in hospital. He bit his owners multiple times, and even bit someone at his own birthday party when they reached for the buffet, leaving them bleeding. He belonged to my extended family, and in the 18 months they had him, left behind dozens of stories of his behaviour; jumping a garden wall into a picnic and eating a child's birthday cake; chasing an old lady with Tesco bags full of chops all the way across a field and not letting her leave; disappearing when they stayed in a dog-friendly B&B only to be found in the owners' bed, laid between them, refusing to move for the rest of the day, to the point they stopped letting dogs stay there altogether. One time when walking him, I was stopped by a blind old lady who asked if I could help her cross a busy road, and thankfully she couldn't see him trying to a) bite her b) take her white stick, and c) drag all three of us into oncoming traffic. Another time, he reared up and barked at someone cycling past causing them to fall off their bike. When I showed up to take him out, he'd get so excited, he'd roll onto his back and piss straight into air, all over the floor and straight into his own face. He'd bitten me twice before that day; once when I was checking to see if he'd got sick on his whiskers after eating some vomit out of the gutter, and another time when I left a tunnock's tea cake on the table and came back from the toilet to find he'd gotten up there and was eating it, foil and all. The final time, he was eating a dishcloth. I mean eating, halfway down his throat. I got one half off him by tossing treats down the other end of the kitchen and putting it in the bin. The second time, when he realised what I'd done, he ran across and bit both my hands half a dozen times in revenge. Then he sat there with his tail wagging all "we going for a walk now, Millard mate?" His fangs went straight through my right hand, Christ-style, and badly bruised my left, and I was fucked for months. Didn't even have the strength or dexterity to push my antibiotic tablets out of the foil for about 3 weeks. His male owner was home that day, having felt really ill and stayed home from work. A few days later he'd discover he'd suffered a heart attack. But that day, when I was bleeding all over his kitchen, he fished my phone out of my pocket to call for help, and his trousers fell down. Right down round his ankles. The dog went to a rescue centre, where he would bite most of the people who worked there and was considered beyond help, but in a happy ending, he really, genuinely did go and live on a farm, where he no doubt scared the cow that went onto attack Ralphy.
  5. I don't know if this is deserving of a full thread, but everyone's stuck at home, and The Dark Side of British Wrestling is fully on-brand for this place. For the past few years, among the adverts in the back of the Fortean Times for UFO detectors and self-published books about crop circles, there's been this ad. How intriguingly sleazy. No website or email address. SAE required. It's like something from 30 years ago. Look at the hand-drawn pictures and typewritten fonts, a FANZINE OF WRESTLERS LIFESTORIES [sic] - and that headline, 'IAN DEAN ABDUCTED'. I dread to think what POOR PAUL'S PUNISHMENT was. While it's been cropping up for years, it's always the exact same advert, showing this one cover and no other info. Ad slots there are pretty expensive, so it's not a prank. I've been meaning to post about it for ages, but it's just come up on a Fortean discussion board, which is where I've nicked the following photos and info from. One of the posters on there sent away for more information, and the address was a dead drop PO Box. They were told that the cost for four issues is £10 plus six postage stamps, and that payment would only be accepted in the form of a £10 note. The guy who signed up was only member 37, so it's not a huge seller, and definitely not making its monthly ad rentals back. It turned out to be a pretty normal fanzine, albeit looking slightly like something Nic Cage would use to mop up cum in that film 8mm. It's not my imagination, is it? BRITISH BEEF. Okay, definitely not just me. 'HIS'TORY. TOOLED UP AND TOPPED. Lots of avatar potential there, lads. Has anyone else heard of this? Are there any subscribers on here? Or perhaps even the creator? Will there be future issues with stories about Alex Shane or Kriss Sprules?
  6. All the Jabba's Palace stuff is by far my favourite Star Wars. It's so evocative and nostalgic, filled with weird puppets and colourful background freaks, all gloriously sleazy. The Jabba sections are what I rewatched most as a kid, and even now, I love them so much. Mandalorian captures that desert underworld vibe really well. Also, I love how everyone at the Palace apparently has communal nap time when it gets dark, with all these bad-arse alien gangsters just going to sleep together wherever they happened to be standing or sitting at the time.
  7. The finest thing ever posted on this place.
  8. I couldn't look at Jeff Lowe without hearing this in my head.
  9. Fuck it, I wrote a thing about it. It's wacky as hell, with 3PO basically a metal Norman Wisdom, but expands on the SW universe in quite a pleasing way. It feels legit because Daniels does the voice, and they use all the movie sound effects, plus there's a cameo from the original trilogy (Fett, obviously). I did one about the Ewoks cartoon too, which is utterly abhorrent. Both shows are conspicuous by their absence on D+.
  10. Standing outside at 8pm to clap for Steve Justice.
  11. That explains the time I saw him swapping suitcases full of turds with another chap on a park bench.
  12. Goldberg's gonna be arrested if he casually gobs on the floor this time.
  13. Best use of the term 'Special Olympics' of course is when that chap with Down's Syndrome jumped over the railing to help HBK against Austin, and JR, clearly panicked about how to describe him, stuttered and bumbled before blurting out "a Special Olympian's fallen over the rail!"
  14. Local Facebook's already heavy with posts shaming people for not clapping. Imagine if this crosses over into poppy season.
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