Jesus Fucking Christ

[IANdrewDiceClay]

Thanks lads. Thankfully, I'll be out the same day, So put your tribute videos set to U2's Beautiful Day on hold for now.

[Tim Healys Chutney Spoon]

7 hours ago, IANdrewDiceClay said:

Getting my gallbladder out on Monday. I've had gallstones for about a year. Fucking hell, it hurts sometimes. Absolute doubled over with pain type shit. Anyone else had the old gallbladder out? Does it improve it?

Lucky bastard ! I was hospitalised for 4 days with them last year and was told I would need mine removing as a matter of urgency. Just over a year on and I'm still waiting for a date let alone anything else. Had 3 dates, last being in October lastyear, and all cancelled. Fuck the local health trust 

[SuperBacon]

16 hours ago, IANdrewDiceClay said:

Getting my gallbladder out on Monday. I've had gallstones for about a year. Fucking hell, it hurts sometimes. Absolute doubled over with pain type shit. Anyone else had the old gallbladder out? Does it improve it?

My Dad had his out, and the only real complaint he had was that he couldn't have spicy foods anymore. For someone that's never eaten anything spicier than a korma in his life, it was a strange complaint, but very on brand.

[Glenryck Pilchards]

A couple of days ago I was driving up the A1M and as I got up to motorway speed and selected top gear, I placed my arm on the armrest. 

But instead of feeling the usual comfort of the soft padding, I felt a sharp scratch which felt like a thorn. It was quite a shock and when I lifted my arm I felt something dangling.

I moved over to the slow lane and reached with my right hand and shat myself to find I had inadvertently elbow dropped a wasp. I pulled the stripey bastard out and it dropped on to my crotch... 

I was panicking a bit, but retained my composure as I turned off the nearest exit and headed to a pharmacy. Thankfully no other stings occured and I managed to get rid of the wasp humanely. I captured it in an empty water bottle and threw the fucker in a bin.

 

[deathrey]

Well done, I think I would have crashed my car in that scenario.

[Gus Mears]

Poor form. Should have lobbed your elbow pad out of the window before landing on it.

[RedTwoster]

10 hours ago, Tim Healys Chutney Spoon said:

Lucky bastard ! I was hospitalised for 4 days with them last year and was told I would need mine removing as a matter of urgency. Just over a year on and I'm still waiting for a date let alone anything else. Had 3 dates, last being in October lastyear, and all cancelled. Fuck the local health trust 

That’s a real shame. Fingers crossed it happens soon. 

[IANdrewDiceClay]

10 hours ago, Tim Healys Chutney Spoon said:

Lucky bastard ! I was hospitalised for 4 days with them last year and was told I would need mine removing as a matter of urgency. Just over a year on and I'm still waiting for a date let alone anything else. Had 3 dates, last being in October lastyear, and all cancelled. Fuck the local health trust 

Mine was a cancellation. Otherwise I'd be still waiting. Fingers crossed for you, mate.

[Wideload90]

I've been gallbladder free for over 10 years. The relief from never having an attack is immense and I would suggest eating bland for a while. Fried, fatty and spicy foods will make life hard for you and be mindful that you'll shit through the eye of a needle if you overdo things. 

[ReturnOfTheMack]

Because my energy use was under the estimate when I sent in a meter reading it sent the power company's systems a bit weird, and they had a £24k charge on my account for June...

 

I spotted that and got on the blower quick like.

[Frankie Crisp]

Just been for a pint with my soon-to-be father-in-law (that’s a lot of hyphens, sorry), and we were having a good gab about loads of stuff.

I got distracted, however, when I overheard some bloke talking about his own dad and it was really touching. How much he loved him, how much he’d done for the local community and how he was someone everyone could go to with anything. Sounded like a sound fella.

Then the lad described him - three times in the space of about fifteen minutes - as a ‘pillow of the community’.

I hope he’s adopted.

[tiger_rick]

Love that, Frankie.

My Mam and (step)Dad came to see the clubhouse we've built last week during the hot weather while their car was in a local dealership. We had tons of posh chocolate we got donated and I gave Mam some to take home.

Late afternoon, I dropped them off at dealership to pick their car up. Dad leans in the car and says "I'm very proud of you" and I didn't have anytime to really register such lovely words because Mam screams "GET A MOVE ON, MY CHOCOLATE IS MELTING".

[DavidB6937]

Why can't people queue properly or simply refuse to?

I was queuing down some stairs to wait to get on the plane and they said shuffle down into the room below. So obviously we did but that meant the cunts behind us decided to push in at the front of the room because they're dickheads.

Now back in London I'm waiting to get on the hotel bus and letting people off first - because why wouldn't you? - and this French family walks past me onto the bus blocking it all up.

Is it a culture thing? Are they just stupid? Or are they genuinely just that selfish?

I do enjoy making little muttering comments though even if they might get me into trouble one day. One woman smiled at me and then went to join her French family 🙃

[JLM]

Haha I know I’ll get myself slapped for my enraged mutterings one of these days.
 

My worst one was a dude in front of me on an escalator who was occupying both sides and not moving. I was cutting it extremely fine to make my train and had to get past him. I tried “excuse me” several times, I tapped him on the shoulder, none of it worked so I ended up physically climbing over his bags. I made a point of not standing on them but he still shouted “you could have just waited!” And I was so stressed and pissed off that I blurted out “you could learn how to use a fucking escalator!” Usually that would be internal or at a low mutter, but this time it was a full 180 degree head turn to shout it at him. I felt certain I was about get a kicking after that one. Didn’t look back again until I was on my train, didn’t even find it satisfying as I was so sure I’d made a terrible mistake. 
 

The general public’s baffling lack of cinema etiquette continues to drive me nuts. This year I’ve already had:

-  A group of about five people filming and taking pictures for the first ten minutes of the film for their group chat to prove that they were indeed at the cinema.
 

- A massive group  of about ten people who turned up late and were having full volume conversations about who brought which snacks.
 

- Some arsehole who was chatting during the opening credits of the film and then argued for several minutes about whether the film had officially started when someone told him to shut up. Well it definitely has now, you utter prick. Thinking that the opening credits don’t count is insane to me. What if it’s a cold open, what if the opening song/credits are meant to establish some kind of tone or get you in the mood for what’s to come? Once the BBFC certificate appears that is your last call to shut the fuck up. If you’re still chatting or on your phone after that then I hate you. 

I actually told the snack admin late comers to shut up. It was too late to go through the stages of British passive aggression  because the movie was already well under way. Had to stand up and hit them with “the film has started, can you all SHUT UP!” Then the wave of terror as I braced for a possible confrontation, which thankfully did not come. 

Then this weekend seeing The End of Oak Street there was a guy sat behind me who went on two snack runs and one toilet trip during it. Every time he got to up he’d put both hands on the back of my chair and make me jump, then upon his return his mate filled him in on what he’d missed at normal speaking volume. Not even an attempt to whisper or lean closer. It’s only a 90 minute movie AND they’d both been there throughout the trailers, so could have gone to buy food at any time. Mind boggling and infuriating behaviour.

 

 

 

 

Edited August 24 by JLM

[simonworden]

17 minutes ago, JLM said:

Haha I know I’ll get myself slapped for my enraged mutterings one of these days.
 

My worst one was a dude in front of me on an escalator who was occupying both sides and not moving. I was cutting it extremely fine to make my train and had to get past him. I tried “excuse me” several times, I tapped him on the shoulder, none of it worked so I ended up physically climbing over his bags. I made a point of not standing on them but he still shouted “you could have just waited!” And I was so stressed and pissed off that I blurted out “you could learn how to use a fucking escalator!” Usually that would be internal or at a low mutter, but this time it was a full 180 degree head turn to shout it at him. I felt certain I was about get a kicking after that one. Didn’t look back again until I was on my train, didn’t even find it satisfying as I was so sure I’d made a terrible mistake. 
 

The general public’s baffling lack of cinema etiquette continues to drive me nuts. This year I’ve already had:

-  A group of about five people filming and taking pictures for the first ten minutes of the film for their group chat to prove that they were indeed at the cinema.
 

- A massive group  of about ten people who turned up late and were having full volume conversations about who brought which snacks.
 

- Some arsehole who was chatting during the opening credits of the film and then argued for several minutes about whether the film had officially started when someone told him to shut up. Well it definitely has now, you utter prick. Thinking that the opening credits don’t count is insane to me. What if it’s a cold open, what if the opening song/credits/like are meant to establish some kind of tone or get you in the mood for what’s to come? Once the BBFC certificate appears that is your last call to shut the fuck up. If you’re still chatting or on your phone after that then I hate you. 

I actually told the snack admin late comers to shut up. It was too late to go through the stages of British passive aggression  because the movie was already well under way. Had to stand up and hit them with “the film has started, can you all SHUT UP!” Then the wave of terror as I braced for a possible confrontation, which thankfully did not come. 

Then this weekend seeing The End of Oak Street there was a guy sat behind me who went on two snack runs and one toilet trip during it. Every time he got to up he’d put both hands on the back of my chair and make me jump, then upon his return his mate filled him in on what he’d missed at normal speaking volume. Not even an attempt to whisper or lean closer. It’s only a 90 minute movie AND they’d both been there throughout the trailers, so could have gone to buy food at any time. Mind boggling and infuriating behaviour.

 

I'm interested in if these morons are all around the early 20's age group? We've got so many poorly adjusted young adults this way now as they spent their mid-late teens locked up at home rather than becoming adults. Bad habits like being a dickhead in the cinema seem to have stuck as they weren't corrected when a bit younger and more scared of the world. They don't have the same social code we did. 

There's a lot more to blame as well but this seems to be a big one.