Minor Annoyances (Vol 2)

[SuperBacon]

This has unlocked a core memory of me as a young man on a train from London to Sheffield approaching a girl and telling her that she was sat in my seat. IIRC the ticket/tab on the back of the seat was against a bit of glass (the door partition?) so it looked like the seat behinds ticket.

Anyway I tell her she's sitting in my seat, and she apologies. What wants to come out of my mouth is a really informal "Don't worry I made the same mistake earlier" as I'm young and she's attractive and as I'm an idiot I think "could be in here with a stranger on a train to Sheffield" 

But what comes out is a very jerky, shaky, uncool, broken voiced "Don't worry, I sade the mame sistake earlier" while my friend is dying in the background at what a twat I sound. I think my kids these days would refer to it as "-1000 aura points"

He still reminds me of it to this day. 

[FLips]

The Ring Doorbell has been installed about a week now, but because I didn’t install the app on my phone it now means everyone is pressing it and not knocking, so I just will never know if anyone is at the door unless I join it or buy one of those ringers that you connect to it to chime in the house. 

My wife’s phone goes off every time someone walks past the house. Thankfully after nearly a week she muted the notifications.

[TheBurningRed]

2 minutes ago, FLips said:

My wife’s phone goes off every time someone walks past the house. Thankfully after nearly a week she muted the notifications.

You can edit the distance so it doesn’t go off all the time. As I had this non stop the first few days I had mine. 

[BomberPat]

my great-uncle just posted a Facebook status starting "what is this country coming to?!", and I expected his usual brand of lazy bigotry, but instead it was a complaint about seeing Christmas products in the supermarket in August. I'm half-tempted to screenshot it so I can show him in it when he inevitably, as he does every year, starts posting about how products aren't allowed to say "Christmas" on them any more and how Christmas is banned so as not to offend the Muslims, and see if he can make sense of a world-view in which brands aren't allowed to acknowledge Christmas in December, but also rushing to get Christmas products out in August, and how the latter is still a bad thing. 

[gmoney]

Rummaging around in my wash bag for deodorant earlier, caught my finger on my stupid 5 blade razor and cut a red lentil sized chunk of flesh out of it. 

 

[davertfnewman]

My sympathies, I've cut the tip of my finger on a razor before, but that first picture looks like something else.

[SuperBacon]

That is absolutely horrific @gmoney

I remember when a kid at school sliced off the top of his finger with the paper guillotine thing. Genuinely one of the worst things I've ever seen.

Is it your arse wiping hand?

[Gus Mears]

Looks like the inside of a Jammy Dodger. Proper rank. 

[gmoney]

35 minutes ago, SuperBacon said:

That is absolutely horrific @gmoney

I remember when a kid at school sliced off the top of his finger with the paper guillotine thing. Genuinely one of the worst things I've ever seen.

Is it your arse wiping hand?

Thankfully not. 

[davertfnewman]

I think I've posted here before about accidentally catching myself with my razor and taking off a chunk of nail that I had to put a plaster over for a few weeks until the affected part grew out. As a result, I've taken to always keeping the plastic guard on mine when not in use.

Beyond that, you can get little rubbery pouches in Primark for about £2.50 that you can put the razor inside in the event you're putting it in a bag and approaching it blindly. Only trouble is that the blade end is facing out, not in - would be better if you could pull it out by the handle.

[wandshogun09]

12 hours ago, SuperBacon said:

Is it your arse wiping hand?

I love the way it immediately goes to “how is this gonna affect you having a shite?”

UKFF 4 Life!

[SuperBacon]

42 minutes ago, wandshogun09 said:

I love the way it immediately goes to “how is this gonna affect you having a shite?”

UKFF 4 Life!

I think the UKFF philosophy for life when considering anything should be: does this affect my arse wiping hand?

[WyattSheepMask]

I like the method of measuring in lentils. 
 

“Firefighters are battling a blaze approximately 63 trillion lentils in size”

[Wretch]

Talking of cuts, I stumbled out of the pub on Friday night and went on my arse whilst crossing the road, scraping the shite out of my right hand and both knees.

I’ve just come home from the footy. Had a bit of a strop when West Ham’s second went in at the 88th, and as I went to leave, I fell down the last few steps of B block, going on my knees and hand again. As the stewards were helping me up to a chorus of sniggering and laughs, Forest conceded their third.

Not a great weekend tbh.

 

Spoiler

 

Edited August 31, 2025 by Wretch

[SuperBacon]

22 hours ago, SuperBacon said:

Is it your arse wiping hand?

@Wretch