Comedy News Stories

[waters44]

No idea where to put this to be honest, but fucking hell have you seen anything worse than this “report” from our local newspaper? It’s on Facebook

https://fb.watch/6SP8bDwCcZ/

[Statto]

This is maybe a little niche but I'm finding it hilarious...

Every year the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, OH hosts some showcase games to mark the kick-off of the new high school season.  These games are televised nationally by ESPN & feature the best of the best high school programmes in America.

One of this weekend's games was between IMG Academy of Florida (which is basically a professional athletics prep school, pro prospects move from all over the world to be able to attend IMG before moving on to the elite college programmes) and local Ohio favourites Bishop Sycamore High School.

IMG absolutely murdered their opponents, to the point the ESPN announcers were expressing concerns for the safety of the Bishop Sycamore players by the 2nd quarter.

It's now transpired that:

- there is in fact no Bishop Sycamore High School, the address given for the school is a residential address.

- the players were a ragtag bunch of junior college drop outs, mostly over the age of 19 and some using fake names.

- the coach has at least one active arrest warrant.

- they are in fact based out of a Texas league.

- they have been doing this for years, previously under the name "Christians of Faith Academy" (which also doesn't exist) and get the shit kicked out of them most of the time.

[Tim Healys Chutney Spoon]

Some of the other 'decisions' listed are hilarious. 

 

Does make you wonder what the standard of employees are when writing stuff like this on official forms...

[Devon Malcolm]

 

[RedRooster]

9 hours ago, Devon Malcolm said:

 

What is it with rectums making the news today?

[Keith Houchen]

19 hours ago, RedRooster said:

What is it with rectums making the news today?

I wonder if the book will include the year or so he was absent from the public eye and the Houses Of Parliament. Which coincided with an unnamed MP being investigated for rape. 

[Chest Rockwell]

It was clearly the time he needed to sequester himself away to pen this masterpiece; don't know what you're on about..

[Keith Houchen]

One of my favourite Francois moments was when he unsurprisingly mentioned war during Brexit negotiations. He said how he knew what conflict was all about from his time in the army. When it was pointed out he was only in the territorial army and asked in which conflict he served, he said sheepishly how he meant the Cold War. 
 

Will Self is a bollocks but I never tire of his destruction of the tiny fake soldier

 

Edited December 5, 2021 by Keith Houchen

[CleetusVanDamme]

https://eu.knoxnews.com/videos/news/local/2018/10/10/archive-students-news-conference-deny-butt-chugging-uts-pike-frat-house/1590958002/

The mother of all press conferences!

[Dead Mike]

Imagine deciding to reach out to the press about this?

[BomberPat]

I used to work in a zoo, and the only injury the Bear keeper ever received in 20 years of working there was an otter bite that nearly went straight through his hand.

The otters escaped one day while I was there, and it was explained that because Otters are considered a "Category A" animal escape, we had to follow the exact same protocol as if it were a tiger, lion or bear escaping, as the categories are based on if they pose a danger to humans or not. Does make you think that we could probably do with a few more categories in-between, though.

[Frankie Crisp]

Terry Nutkins lost fingers to an otter. Vicious little bastards.

Edited December 13, 2021 by Frankie Crisp

[King Coconut]

Yeah, fuck otters. 

[wordsfromlee]

[gmoney]

They're scared, they don't know why they're so big.