Comedy News Stories

[Gus Mears 2,954]

One of the very few good things about following several thousand news outlets on Twitter is that I get good amounts of daft, mostly local, news stories to laugh at.

https://www.thisisinsider.com/angry-santa-swore-at-children-2018-12

Quote

Angry Santa ripped off beard and told children to 'get the f--- out' of his grotto

A Santa Claus in St Ives in Cambridgeshire reportedly lost it with a group of children.

• Parents said he started swearing when a fire alarm went off.
• He also ripped off his hat and beard, and told everyone to "get the f--- out" of his grotto.
• The event organisers have since apologised on Facebook, saying the Santa was trying to get everyone out safely.

Children and parents were left horrified last Sunday when an angry Santa Claus ripped off his hat and beard and told crowds to "get the f--- out" of his grotto.

According to reports, a fire alarm went off at the Corn Exchange grotto in St Ives, Cambridgeshire, England, and the Santa on shift started acting strangely.

The alarm was apparently triggered by a smoke machine in the same building where Santa and his "chief snowman" were available to meet guests.

Festival Events St Ives (FESt), the organisers of the event, have since apologised on Facebook, saying that the raging Santa was only trying to get everyone out quickly and safely.

"Santa was upstairs in his grotto, an event organised by Festival Events St Ives (a voluntary organisation) and immediately assisted in the evacuation of the building," the post reads.

"FESt wish to apologise for any offence or distress caused to parents and children by the attempts to ensure all visitors and staff had exited the building and were safe."

A place to post good stories you come across. Bonus points for really shit local news. 

Edited December 13, 2018 by Gus Mears

[HarmonicGenerator 2,362]

My favourite ever example of local news is the world’s most unnecessary caption under this photograph from an issue of the Northumberland Gazette.

Edited December 13, 2018 by HarmonicGenerator

[W35ty 76]

Gus this happened in my town and the comunity FB page has been posting about this all week.

Someone posted a moan about what happened and the press read the FB post and reported it in the local press and now it's gone viral.

 

 

 

 

Edited December 13, 2018 by W35ty

[Devon Malcolm 8,221]

https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/penis-graffiti-fallowfield-ladybarn-road-15405004

[Keith Houchen 10,906]

Does Kunt know about that?

[Kaz Hayashi 2,608]

So much to choose from, but we’ll stay recent.

She looks absolutely gutted. 

Edited December 13, 2018 by Kaz Hayashi

[Keith Houchen 10,906]

 

This is pretty amazing.  I had no idea they had roads in Hull.

[scratchdj 1,333]

Do the stories have to be genuine? I write a spoof local news Facebook page under a pseudonym that may count?

And this, which attracted the kind of Facebook users that I love to troll. I genuinely count the comments it garnered as one of my greatest achievements.

 

Edited January 4, 2019 by scratchdj

[WyattSheepMask 2,072]

3 hours ago, Keith Houchen said:

 

This is pretty amazing.  I had no idea they had roads in Hull.

Only the one, it stops at the city gates before we leave and head out into the Cursed Earth

Edited December 13, 2018 by WyattSheepMask

[Abe_Knuckleball_Schwartz 47]

4 hours ago, Keith Houchen said:

 

This is pretty amazing.  I had no idea they had roads in Hull.

Yep they do, usually gridlocked and takes an hour for a ten minute journey but roads nevertheless.

[Lion_of_the_Midlands 1,891]

5 hours ago, Keith Houchen said:

 

This is pretty amazing.  I had no idea they had roads in Hull.

That they can read and write is more amazing. I thought that primitive daubings was more there thing. Like the Lascaux Cave but more drawings of pies and Lambrini. 

[Kaz Hayashi 2,608]

I remember reading it on the bus home from work and pissing myself laughing. A bloody Python nipping about a back alley in Walker is surreal enough, but a 12 year old lad spotted some other kids tormenting it, so he chucked a 6 foot rock python in a pillow case and dropped it off at a reptile centre.

Later in the article it said that a local RSPCA officer claimed they get monthly calls about loose snakes in the city of Newcastle. You fucking what?

[King Mal the Glorious 131]

There was one loose in the city centre a couple of months ago: It got out twice!

[John Matrix 657]

I’m not sure quite what an introduction from me could add to this...

 

Edited December 14, 2018 by John Matrix

[Gus Mears 2,954]

I'm not going to actually read the article because the headline will be better than the details.