Comedy News Stories

[Dead Mike]

Finally, we might actually see some movement from this intervention...

[Hannibal Scorch]

Hell of a headline that

 

[Surf Digby]

It reads like a warning that ChatGPT is on the brink of losing it's mind.

[Guest]

https://www.wxyz.com/news/dog-on-golf-cart-runs-over-4-year-old-girl-in-westland

The URL tells you all you need to know.

[Gus Mears]

@StattoBritain's Greatest Living Man continues to fight the good fight.

https://www.eveningnews24.co.uk/news/23846953.orlandos-rogue-restaurant-norwich-continues-operate/

Quote

A controversial Norwich restaurant being run illegally from a suburban home has continued to operate despite being ordered to close.

Orlando's in Earlham Road is continuing to trade, with listings on Deliveroo and Uber Eats, despite Norwich City Council issuing an enforcement notice in July this year telling owner Orlando Williams to cease trading as a restaurant and takeaway by October 10.

But since the deadline neighbours have reported seeing delivery bikes continue to turn up at the home, with cooking odours still floating down the street.

It comes after this newspaper delivered an Orlando's lunch to officials at City Hall after they had failed to stop the shady chef despite large signs above his door advertising the restaurant and a "swarm" of mopeds turning up outside.

Becky Greengrass, who lives next door to the rogue restaurant, says Mr Williams has shown no sign of stopping, even adding a takeaway sign in the porch and placing a sticker in its window claiming the business has a four-star food hygiene rating.

Orlando's scored two stars at its last hygiene inspection for its B&B arm in May, which saw the business warned over food handling law breaches.

Ms Greengrass said: "Nothing has changed, in fact he's put more signs up.

"One thing that has got more discrete though is the collection of food, he's making them pull round the back now so no one can see them.

This is my favourite bit. 'We're not a takeout' when he's got this in his window, like frosted glass is going to make it impossible to see.

[Tommy!]

[Devon Malcolm]

 

[Gus Mears]

Wiltshire's favourite mad vicar is at it again (posted a story about him on the last page).

Quote

A VICAR who hit national headlines last year is in hot water again after his dog allegedly attacked another dog at his Wiltshire vicarage.

Frightened parishioners in the village of North Bradley have complained to the Diocese of Salisbury and Wiltshire Council about the pair of aggressive dogs kept by Father Oliver Learmont.

The local authority is also investigating several complaints about the vicar's Romanian rescue dogs, in particular a large crossbreed known locally as ‘Horrible Hector’.

They say the vicar of North Bradley, Southwick, Heywood and Steeple Ashton, is failing to keep his dogs under proper control and has been told to keep the larger dog muzzled and tethered.

It comes after part of Father Learmont's congregation failed in their attempt to oust him from his job in May 2023. 

Wiltshire Council says it is investigating an incident last Tuesday when ‘Horrible Hector’ allegedly attacked another dog being walked by an elderly woman.

Her dog, believed to be a pug, was rushed to Vets for Pets in Trowbridge before being transferred to a specialised veterinary practice for emergency surgery, according to the owner.

Duncan Goodchild, who said he lives opposite Father Learmont, said: “A few days ago one of his dogs attacked another dog which was being walked past his gate, dragging it underneath into his garden and pulling the elderly lady walking the dog off her feet.Quick actions of a passerby saved the dog’s life which needed surgery.

“As I understand it, a local dog warden has requested he keep the dog tied up in his garden and muzzled when walked in the village. This does not happen.

“For years the neighbours have put up with his aggressive barking dogs which can be heard every time someone walks past.

“I have spoken to the vicar about his aggressive dogs multiple times in the past and suggested they need training but for this attack to happen and no one take responsibility is outrageous and unacceptable, let alone a vicar who would supposedly be of high moral standing. 

And I still love this picture. He may as well be flipping the V's.

[Loki]

Is that a Porsche keyring in his hand?  What a wanker.

[waters44]

Someone nailed a cash machine to a bridge near me. It’s quite cool but a bit unremarkable as previously they’d nailed a postbox in the same spot. Anyway, Uri Geller’s contribution caught my eye

[wordsfromlee]

'Woman in court for aggressively farting at her boyfriend’s ex'

https://metro.co.uk/2025/01/29/woman-charged-inappropriate-videos-uks-first-cyber-farting-case-22459049/

Quote

"Her tooting continued on Boxing Day and New Year’s Day, despite police getting wind of what had happened."

Excellent bit of writing. I bet they were chuffed with themselves after writing that line.

[Scratch]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c5y7ez2q910o

I love stuff like this. Such a silly and insignificant thing, yet still enough to rile an old woman into making a sign.

Edited February 7, 2025 by Scratch

[Scratch]

It’s a mad world we now live in, but it’s clearly gone altogether if you can no longer safely bum a lasagne.

[Devon Malcolm]

I don't know why but it's the "More woe for under-fire grocer" bit which tickled me most there.

[Carbomb]

Are they doing like WWE and recycling storylines? 'cause I remember that the Star ran one a few years ago about a bloke burning his Douglas shagging a pasty/slice.